Weathering the Storm
by DramaLexy
Summary: Sequel to 'Stronger.' Continues the adventures of Tom, Rachel, and their family. Post S1 AU, Scotch pairing. Some chapters are rated M; see author notes for warnings.
1. Family Time

**TITLE: Weathering the Storm**

 **DISCLAIMER: I don't own, you don't sue.**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm back! This is the sequel to my story "Stronger." If you haven't read that one first, you might be a little confused. Fair warning: this story is very AU, with a different background for Rachel than in the show (I made it up before the Season 2 went into it). The plot centers around Rachel/Tom and the Chandler family, with appearances from other major characters. If that's not your cup of tea, hit the back button now instead of flaming me later.**

* * *

One late August night, Rachel was awakened by the sound of a knock on the hatch. "Daddy?" Ashley's timid voice came from the p-way.

Rachel sat up in bed, trying to wipe the sleep from her eyes; she was alone in the captain's cabin and hoped that she could be an adequate stand-in for the girl's father. "Come in, luv," she called.

Ashley had a slight, wary frown on her face when she entered the room. "Where's Daddy?" she wondered while climbing up to join the scientist on the bed.

"He got called away," Rachel explained as they laid down together. "What's wrong? Did you have a bad dream?"

She nodded. "It was about Baltimore. Everything was really confusing, loud and a mess. The ship was out in the water, and I think we were trying to get there, but I couldn't find Dad. And then I did find him, but… he was bleeding really bad and he wouldn't wake up."

Rachel wrapped Ashley up in a hug, trying to comfort her. The nightmare had been frighteningly close to reality. When Jed, Ashley, and Sam had arrived on the docks and met up with the tactical teams from Granderson HQ, Tom had been on the edge of bleeding out and in desperate need of medical attention. The fact that he wasn't available now to reassure his daughter was likely making her dream seem even worse. "It was just a bad dream," Rachel promised. "Your father is perfectly fine. He's just working; hopefully he'll be back soon."

"What happened?" Ashley wondered.

"I'm not completely certain. Something with the engines." A member of the engineering team had come to wake the ship's captain around 0230. Rachel had heard some of what they'd discussed, but she'd still been half asleep.

Ashley frowned. "Are we going to get stuck out here?" she worriedly asked.

"Not if the Chief Engineer has anything to say about it," Rachel replied with a little smile. Lt. Cdr. Garnett likely had her entire team out of bed and working the problem. No one who was subordinate to her was brave enough to try getting in her way.

Ashley giggled in agreement. "Yeah, she can fix anything."

The thought occurred to Rachel that Garnett was just one of many incredible role models for Sam and Ashley that were living onboard the ship. They were unbelievable examples of what could be accomplished with dedication, teamwork, and sacrifice. However, she knew that the Nathan James's crew shined brightest when the ship found its way into situations that young children shouldn't have to be worrying about.

"You haven't dreamt about Baltimore in a long time, have you?" Rachel softly asked, soothingly running her fingers through Ashley's hair. She shook her head. "Were you thinking about something last night that might have caused your nightmare?"

She looked away. "I dunno…"

Rachel knew that meant the exact opposite. "I see… Are you worried about something?"

Ashley bit her lip. "Did you know it's been almost a year?" she quietly wondered.

"I did. Just about ten months, now, hasn't it?"

The young girl nodded. "Sometimes… sometimes it feels like it's been much longer."

Rachel could agree with that. "A lot has happened since then."

Ashley's lip trembled. "Sometimes I almost forget that I'm never going to see my mom again."

Rachel held her close and let her cry on her shoulder. "You'll see her again," she whispered as she stroked Ashley's long brown hair. "She's looking down on you from heaven."

"But she won't be there when things happen," she argued.

"Not in person, no. But she'll be there in your heart whenever you need her… I felt the same way when my father died."

Ashley looked up, surprised. "You did?"

Rachel nodded. "It's okay to still be sad sometimes. And you're always going to miss her. That's normal, luv, and it's perfectly fine."

Ashley sniffled, starting to calm back down. "You believe your dad is in heaven, too, right?"

"I do." Rachel confirmed with a nod. She hadn't grown up very religious, but took comfort in that concept. "My mother, too, now."

"Do you think that they've met my mom?" Ashley wondered.

Rachel frowned slightly; she'd never considered that idea before. "I'm not sure."

"I just… We're not alone here, so I don't want my mom to be lonely in heaven."

She smiled. "Maybe they have. Maybe they all watch over us together."

* * *

The sun was rising over the horizon by the time that Tom was finally able to make his way back to his cabin. The ship's engines were all functional again, and hopefully the shoestring repair would hold until they got back to Portsmouth Naval Shipyard later in the year. It was nice to know that they had somewhere to turn to in an emergency, although the crew was well aware that they needed to do everything they could to let the ship accomplish its goals before they took the option of just running for port.

As he passed a porthole, Tom paused for a moment to take in the beautiful morning. The sun had lit some low clouds in beautiful shades of orange and pink. The weather that day was supposed to be hot and humid; August in Long Island Sound was a far cry from the weather they'd experienced the previous summer in the Arctic. So far, since leaving Portsmouth in early May, they'd been all along the New England coast - New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and now Connecticut. They'd known that the dense population along the Atlantic seaboard would mean large numbers of casualties, but there'd actually still been an incredible number of survivors. Rachel and Bertrise had therefore been staying very busy in the lab producing batches of the cure. Things were closer to normal than Tom had been able to imagine back at the beginning of the year. They were truly making a difference in the world, they had a home port to operate from, and they were back under a semblance of military structure. Life was pretty damn good, all things considered.

When Tom got back to his cabin, the sight that awaited him made him smile. Rachel and Ashley were curled up together in the bed, fast asleep. Having his family with him was so incredible.

"Hey," he whispered to Rachel as he gently shook her shoulder.

She smiled sleepily when she opened her eyes and saw him. "Hey, yourself. You just get back?"

"Yeah. There's an extra lump in my bed," he pointed out as he knelt beside the bed.

Rachel lightly ran a hand along Ashley's back. "Yes. She had a nightmare, about Baltimore."

Tom sighed and placed a sympathetic kiss on his daughter's forehead. "Jeez. That's a heckuva way to start a birthday."

"Mmm. I think that may be part of what triggered it. It's her first birthday without her mother."

He nodded; each of his children had celebrated nearly half of their birthdays without him there, but their mother had always been a fixture in their lives. Sam had gotten through his special day okay in February, and he'd hoped Ashley would be able to focus on happy things instead of her sadness. However, he knew each of the kids were different and handled things in their own way. "All we can do is make sure she knows she's still surrounded by love."

Rachel smiled; Tom was such a loving father. Seeing him with his kids always made her love him even more. "She knows. Should we wake her?"

Tom nodded with a smile. "Ashley?" he quietly asked as he laid a hand on her shoulder. "Wake up, sweetheart."

She grumbled lightly and turned over, burying her face against Rachel's shoulder. "Don't want to, Daddy."

They chuckled. "Happy Birthday to you," Tom softly started to sing. Rachel joined in. "Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, dear Ashley. Happy Birthday to you." By the end of the song, Ashley had rolled back over and was smiling as she listened to them. She reached for each of them in turn to give them hugs. "Happy Birthday, sweetheart. We love you."

Ashley grinned. "Thank you. I love you guys, too."

"Twelve years old," Rachel commented. "Such a young lady."

Tom sighed, putting his face in his hands with a loud mock sob. "What's wrong, Daddy?" Ashley wondered.

"Only one more year before you're a TEENAGER," he moaned.

Ashley giggled. "Yep. I can't wait."

Tom gave another exasperated sigh. "Just promise to go easy on your old man, okay?"

"You're not THAT old," Ashley pointed out. "Just kinda old." Rachel put her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh at the look of indignation on Tom's face.

"Okay, I see how it is," he told his daughter as he lightly tickled her. "Go wake up your brother and wash up and then we'll all have breakfast. In here, just with us." Tom knew that Ashley liked having family moments just with the five of them, away from the rest of the crew. He had to agree that it did make things feel a little more like home.

Ashley rewarded him with a bright grin. "Okay," she agreed before climbing out of bed. "We'll be back soon!"

Tom gave Rachel a playful glare once they were alone. "What are you giggling at over there?" he asked her. "Are you amused to be shacking up with senior citizen?"

She shook her head, giving him an innocent smile. "Your daughter's right; you're only kind of old." He was all of four years older than her.

Tom snorted. "Gee, thanks. Actually, right now, I feel ancient." He stiffly got up from his knees and sat on the edge of the bed, trying to stretch out the muscles in his back.

"You look tired," Rachel pointed out as she sat up and started massaging his shoulders. He'd been running himself ragged recently. Both of them had been very busy throughout the summer, but lately she'd been getting more rest than he had. Middle of the night wake-ups by the crew had been disappointingly frequent. "Are you really alright for breakfast?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Tom replied. "I'd rather spend the morning with you and the kids than sleeping. I can sleep when I'm dead."

Rachel lightly smacked him on the shoulder. "That's not funny," she chastised him with a glare.

Tom craned his neck so he could bring his lips to softly meet hers. They lingered together for a long moment, their foreheads touching. "Sorry," he quietly apologized. "Don't worry, I'm not planning on dying anytime soon."

"You better not," she replied. "Do you want me to go put the request in for breakfast?"

Tom shook his head. "No, I can do it. You get a shower and get dressed."

"You're sure?" He looked exhausted, and Rachel wished they could just have a peaceful morning in bed together.

"Yeah. I haven't gotten to do things for the kids' birthdays very often. Even when I wasn't on deployment, Darien usually took care of it. So I'm grateful to be with my daughter for this birthday instead of adding it to the list of ones I've missed."

She nodded. "I know Ashley's glad, too."

What Rachel wasn't aware of, however, was how close Tom had come to not being there for this birthday. The base commander at Portsmouth had initially not been pleased to find that a handful of civilians, including children, called the Nathan James home. The admiral had wanted all of them off the ship immediately, but Tom had lobbied hard to keep them together. Having Rachel and Bertrise onboard allowed the ship to go on longer missions than Portsmouth's other vessels; they could make the cure themselves instead of needing to get resupplied by the base. The children were well-behaved and actually raised morale onboard. The admiral had eventually agreed to a trial run over the summer, but Tom hadn't felt that was something Rachel or his children needed to be concerned with. He was very accustomed to shielding his family from the details of Navy life.

Tom gave Rachel a quick kiss as he got up. "I'll be back in a bit," he told her. "You want eggs and toast?"

She nodded. "And tea."

He chuckled. "Of course, babe. This isn't my first rodeo."

* * *

 **TBC...**


	2. Love and Protection

**CHAPTER TWO: LOVE AND PROTECTION**

That afternoon, Rachel fulfilled Ashley's wish for a birthday treat - a tea party. They sat together on the flight deck just outside of the lab, thoughtfully sipping their beverages and enjoying the warm sunshine.

"Thank you," Ashley spoke up at one point.

Rachel smiled. "You're welcome, luv. This was an easy request to honor." She hoped the girl time helped with how much Ashley was missing her mother.

The sound of laughter broke in, and Ashley looked across the deck to where Sam and Katie were playing under Jed's watchful eye. 'Nathan James Elementary', as some of the crewmembers had nicknamed the kids, had been a little quieter since the spring. When they'd come back to the US from Europe, Kelly Tophet had decided to take Ava and settle at Portsmouth rather than continue to live aboard the ship. She thought they needed some stability in their lives after a highly tumultuous year. Ashley found it strange to be back to a threesome after having adjusted to being a group of four.

"Katie said I was being silly," she told Rachel. "That tea parties are for little kids."

"That's not true at all."

Ashley nodded. "I know. This feels grown up." Rachel had gotten teacups and saucers from the wardroom instead of her normal slightly chipped mug. They also had a few pieces of chocolate from Tom's stash - his contribution for the occasion. Ashley smiled as she held her pinky in the air and took a sip. Her cup practically had more milk and sugar than tea, but she was still enjoying herself immensely.

"Mmm," Rachel agreed, mimicking her. "Very grown up." She smiled at Ashley's enthusiasm. "I had an actual birthday present for you, too."

Her eyes lit up with excitement. "You did?"

Rachel reached into her pocket and pulled out an envelope. "I hope you like it."

Ashley put her cup down and tore the flap open. Inside was a gold necklace with a heart-shaped pendant hanging from the chain. "Oh, wow…"

"My mother gave that to me," Rachel started to explain, but stopped when Ashley dropped the necklace back into the envelope and held it out to her.

"I can't take it, then," the young girl proclaimed. "You don't have much left from your family; I can't take anything away."

A sad little smile crossed Rachel's face. There hadn't been anything left of either her flat or her childhood home when the ship arrived in London back in the early spring. It had been difficult to deal with, but made her memories even more treasured. "You're not taking it," she countered. "I'm giving it to you. I want you to have it." She reached out and closed Ashley's hand around the envelope, forcing her to keep it. "My mother gave me that when I was leaving England after university. A reminder of how much I was loved, regardless of the miles between us. And I hope you remember the same whenever you wear it."

"Are you sure?" Ashley questioned, just to be certain.

Rachel smiled at her thoughtfulness. "Yes, darling. I want you to have it, and I hope you like it."

Ashley nodded with a grin. "I love it."

"Good. You're always making jewelry for everyone else, so I thought it was high time you got something special of your own."

They both looked up as Sam came over. "Ashley, come play with us," he begged his sister. "Katie's cheating."

"Am not!" she indignantly cried from a few paces behind him.

Ashley shook her head and picked her cup up again. "No. We're having tea."

"That's boring," he proclaimed.

"Go away, Sam," Ashley told him. This was a rare opportunity to do something without her little brother. She wanted to take full advantage of it.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Girls," he muttered before running back to his game.

Ashley was similarly disgusted with him. "If you and Daddy have a baby," she requested of Rachel, "Can it please be a girl?"

She chuckled. There were absolutely no plans for the couple to have a child at that point, but that didn't stop Ashley and Sam from asking on a regular basis. "I don't think it really matters how much you beg or cross your fingers. It's just luck."

Ashley shrugged. "But it can't hurt to ask."

* * *

Two days later, the _Nathan James_ dropped anchor in the East River off of Queens, New York. The first teams that went ashore didn't return with much good news.

"There had to have been a thousand people dead on the streets," Danny reported to Tom, Rachel, Mike, and Rios as they sat together in the wardroom late that night to discuss the situation. "But I don't think they weren't all sick with the virus."

Rachel nodded. "I've tested the samples the team brought back. Some died of meningitis, many others from dehydration caused by dysentery and cholera."

Mike raised an eyebrow. "Dysentery and cholera? What is this, the Oregon Trail?"

"It was extremely rare in developed countries before the Red Flu," Rachel agreed.

"So you're telling me that these people managed to avoid getting sick with the virus, only to then die from diseases we haven't had a problem with in a century?" Tom wondered.

Rachel nodded. "The city's infrastructure has been decimated. There's no power, no heating in the winter or cooling in the summer. Clean water and waste removal are distant memories. Anyone trying to avoid infection in the city would be trapped in squalor. There are several diseases caused by drinking unsafe water or eating undercooked food, especially seafood."

"Conditions were bad," Danny agreed. He wished he could erase the memories. The term 'post apocalyptic' didn't do it justice. "And all the rotting bodies just added to it."

"I want all recon teams in protective suits," Tom decided. "At least until we know we've got safe zones. And nobody eats or drinks anything they didn't bring with them from the ship. Let's not end up in the same situation as the people we're trying to help."

Danny nodded. "Aye, sir."

 **~ % ~**

Word spread quickly through the ship about what was found in New York City. Some of the crew gathered on the flight deck that night to spend their downtime enjoying the starry sky and the company of friends.

"It is so strange," Bertrise commented to her boyfriend, Reggie, and O'Connor as they stood at the railing together. "I never thought such a large city could be so... dead." Shadows of New York's skyline were visible in the darkness, but there were no lights. The city that never slept seemed to be in deep hibernation.

"Yeah," Reggie agreed as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. "It's creepy."

"It's like some disaster movie," O'Connor decided. "Except normally those end before they show how bad the aftermath actually gets. Some guy gets a girl that's way hotter than he deserves and they pretend that even though the world has just fallen apart, everything's gonna be okay."

"You don't think we'll be okay?" Bertrise wondered.

O'Connor looked back out at the dark skyline. They'd spent almost 15 months at sea by now, and just under a year traveling from one ravaged city to another. Some days it was hard to tell if they were making progress or just delaying inevitable extinction. "Who knows."

"We have to keep trying though," Bertrise protested. "Right?" It was hard to imagine what would happen if they threw in the towel. What would become of the world - and themselves?

Reggie hugged her against him and kissed her cheek. "We're Navy. We don't have any other options."

* * *

The news the following day was a lot more positive. One of the search teams stumbled across survivors hiding in a subway station. They revealed a large network of people who were struggling to survive in unlikely places. Now, finally, there was something the crew could do to help the situation and they all quickly got to work.

When Tom headed down to the lab to talk to Rachel about their stock of the cure, he found her packing up boxes of supplies and giving Bertrise instructions. "What's going on?" he asked.

"I'm a bit behind schedule," Rachel told him as she rifled through some papers. "Lieutenant Burk had wanted to leave at 1400 hours." It was already 1:53pm and she definitely wasn't ready yet.

"Leave what?" Tom wondered.

Rachel gave him an odd look. "The ship."

"You?" She nodded. "You're not going anywhere."

She stopped, putting a hand on her hip. "Oh, really?"

Tom shook his head. "We don't fully have a handle on the situation in the city yet. It's not safe."

"We NEVER got a handle on the situation on the streets of Baltimore," Rachel pointed out. "But I survived that."

He glared. "Are you trying to prove your point or mine? I'm not going to just let you blindly walk into another situation like Baltimore." He didn't remember much about the mission to rescue her from Granderson's HQ, thanks to the injuries he'd received, but he could easily recall the cold terror he'd felt when he realized what kind of situation he'd left her trapped in the middle of.

"LET me?" she replied. "What makes you think you can stop me? I don't take orders from you, Captain."

"Burk does," he calmly retorted.

"I'm going to the facility that WE are setting up," Rachel argued. Rios was getting a very basic field hospital going in a high school gym in Manhattan. "Not someone else's facility. Your tactical teams have already declared the building clear and are now standing guard."

Tom had obviously already known both of those things, so that didn't sway him. "It's one building in the middle of unknown territory."

"Doctor Rios has asked for the assistance of everyone onboard who has medical training," Rachel reminded him. "That certainly includes me." She was often considered Besides administering the cure, there are a lot of ill people out there who need help."

"You are too valuable to this ship."

Rachel was starting to really get annoyed now. "Is that right? So this is professional concern, not personal?"

Tom gritted his teeth. "Yes."

"That's total bollocks and we both know it!" He could be so infuriatingly stubborn. Rachel had managed just fine in some very... interesting corners of the world before they met.

"My job is to look out for the welfare of my crew," Tom argued.

"Your job is to lead your crew as we work to save what's left of the human race. Do you really think that they wouldn't see you locking me up in the castle as special treatment?" He sighed, knowing that she had a point, but unwilling to admit defeat quite yet. "I understand that there are risks, but I believe they are worth it. And I will be careful."

"Fine," he gritted out.

"Thank you."

"But you will have protection at all times, and I don't really care if anyone thinks it's special treatment."

It was a fair compromise. "Understood. I'm sure Lieutenant Burk will be amenable."

Tom shook his head. "Not what I meant. I'm coming with you." Rachel hadn't been expecting that. "I'm going to go gear up. I'll meet you at the RHIB."

She nodded. "Alright." Once he was gone, she looked over to Bertrise, who was warily staring back at her. Rachel belatedly realized their discussion probably shouldn't have had an audience. "Well, that was interesting, hmm?" she asked the teen with a little smile, trying to break the tension.

"Um... I guess. I wasn't really listening..."

Rachel laughed. "I'm sure they could hear us two doors down." When two passionate people got into it... it could get intense, fast. She was looking forward to making up - privately - later on. "You know everything you're supposed to do, right?"

Bertrise nodded. She was continuing production of the cure while Rachel was ashore. They were going to need as many doses as possible. "I'm ready. Be safe."

Rachel smiled. "I'll be fine."

* * *

Things at their makeshift medical facility were even busier than Rachel had expected by the time she, Tom, and a few other members of the crew arrived. Lines were set up for the healthy to be immunized, those sick with the virus to be cured and monitored for reactions, and those sick with something else to be examined and treated. The mass of people looked pitiful, but hopefully they'd all survive.

Rachel quickly went to help with the third group. Tom stood nearby, checking in with Lt. Green and a few others of his sailors. He kept an eye on Rachel, though, watching as she gently examined a miserable looking little African American boy wearing nothing but ripped jeans shorts and worn-out sandals.

"Can you take a deep breath for me, darling?" Rachel asked the boy as she pressed the bell of a stethoscope to his back. He tried, but quickly succumbed to a coughing fit. "Okay, luv, that's all right. We're going to get you better."

As she turned to get antibiotics from the boxes beside her, she heard a familiar voice. "Hey, there, doc. This is quite a setup y'all have here." Rachel looked up to see Tex Nolan smiling back at her.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N:** For anyone who was wondering "Where's Tex?" in the first story... found him! Any guesses on whether he's over Rachel?


	3. New York State Of Mind

**CHAPTER THREE: NEW YORK STATE OF MIND**

 **A/N:** This is a first for me; this chapter is rated **M** for sexual situations. It's not terribly explicit, but if that sort of thing offends you, skip the fourth portion of the chapter.

* * *

Rachel stared up at the man standing beside her in surprise. "Tex? How did you get here?" She hadn't seen him since he left the ship in Baltimore, just before everything there went to hell.

He chuckled, pointing down to his worn-out boots. "Foot-power, mostly. I bummed a ride a few times. Been here in the Big Apple for a month or so."

"We've just arrived," Rachel informed him. "Been a bit of everywhere since we saw you last. We're still trying to help whoever we can."

Tex nodded. "I can see that. This is pretty impressive. Was talking to some folks and heard the words 'cure' and 'Navy'. I hoped it was y'all and not a scam. Seen a few too many of those."

Rachel nodded. "We've had our own experiences with them." She couldn't help wondering how things might have been different in Baltimore if he'd stuck around. The teams that had stormed Granderson's headquarters could have used any help available. Maybe Tom wouldn't have been injured so badly if there'd been one more person watching his back? Although if he hadn't been hurt, they may not have spent as much time together, and there was no way to know if they would have started a relationship. Perhaps she should be thanking Tex.

"So, how have y'all been?" he wondered.

"We've been well, for the most part," Rachel replied. "There have been a few... adventures along the way, but there's now a lab in Denmark working to produce and spread the cure in Europe, and the ship has a new home port here in the States. They're producing the cure and have a small network of other facilities and ships around the country that help with production and distribution."

"How about that? No longer the last ship in the Navy, huh?"

"Not quite," Tom responded for her as he joined them.

Tex stuck out a hand for him to shake. "Hey, there, Captain."

"Didn't expect to see you here," Tom said. "Or anywhere, frankly." It was a big country with few options for communication over large distances. Many members of the crew had been unable to find their families simply because they didn't know where to look.

Tex nodded. "Yeah, I was just saying I've been around this area for a bit."

Once his hand had been released, Tom wrapped that arm around Rachel's shoulders. She gave him a sideways glance, knowing exactly what he was doing. They both were aware that Tex had had feelings for her a year earlier, but obviously that hadn't gone anywhere. Rachel didn't feel the need to rub it in his face that she'd found someone else, but apparently Tom didn't want there to be any misunderstandings.

Tex also picked up on the captain's blatant effort to mark his territory. He paused for a moment, wrapping his brain around that development. "Well, well," he finally said, "I thought there was a bit too much protesting out of both of you after that make out session on the _Vyerni_."

Rachel immediately shook her head. "No, there really was nothing between us at that point." She fiercely disliked anyone thinking that Tom had been cheating on his late wife. He had too much respect for both her and Darien to do that.

"Sure," Tex agreed, not sounding convinced at all. "You were just putting on a show."

Tom smiled. "Sometimes the best things in life take you totally by surprise."

"Heh. Surprises definitely are... something, aren't they?" Tex pointedly wondered. This sure was a surprise he hadn't expected. When he'd first heard that the ship was in New York, it had seemed like fate was giving him a second chance. But now he wondered if they'd ever really had a first chance.

"You in need of medical attention?" Tom wondered.

Tex shook his head. "No, just came to see if the buzz was real. Y'all need another pair of hands for anything around here?"

Tom hesitated a moment, but nodded and pointed in Green's direction. "Check with the lieutenant. We can always use help making sure that everyone's safe."

"Copy that. See you later," he told Rachel before heading off across the room.

Rachel looked up at Tom. "Really?" she asked.

He at least had the sense not to try playing dumb. "I didn't want him getting any ideas of picking up where he left off."

"Jealousy doesn't look good on you," Rachel told him as she went back to treating patients. "And if he had gotten any ideas, Captain, I could have taken care of him myself."

Tom rolled his eyes as he turned away. She was and always had been a firecracker. "Don't I know it," he muttered under his breath.

* * *

Tom eventually decided that his sailors had the situation at the school under control and that Rachel was safe with them. She wasn't planning on leaving until they'd made a serious dent in the line of people waiting for medical attention, but he headed back to the ship in order to say goodnight to his children.

"Dad?" Sam asked as Tom smoothed his blanket. "What was New York like before?"

"What do you mean, bud?"

"I heard somebody say that it used to be really different. Different how?"

The kids had never been to the city before now. If the Red Flu hadn't happened, Ashley would have taken a school trip there in the spring. They'd missed their chance to see the city in its full splendor.

"Well, it's huge, for starters. Your mom and I came here for a long weekend before either of you were born. We were not city people, so we were constantly looking at maps and trying to figure out the subway." He chuckled at the memory. "I'm sure we very obviously looked like tourists."

"What's a subway?" Sam asked.

"Remember, silly, it's the underground train," Ashley told him.

"It's not always underground, but yeah," Tom agreed. "We walked around to all the big sites - Times Square, Central Park, Rockefeller Plaza..." He realized the kids were giving him blank, uncomprehending stares. "Times Square was where the ball would drop on New Year's." His children had each managed to stay up until midnight to see it at least once. "Central Park..." he trailed off. "I'm sorry, guys."

"For what?" Ashley wondered.

"That I can't give you the world as it used to be." Central Park was now a garden of corpses. There probably wouldn't be another New Year's ball dropping or Rockefeller Christmas tree or show on Broadway for a very long time. If ever. "I always thought there was plenty of time to travel with you, to show you amazing places, but... Never thought this could happen." There were so many sights that they'd never seen and now they probably never would.

Sam shrugged. "That's okay, Dad. We can learn about it in school." It was a crazy thought that even the year 2010 was like ancient history now.

"You're trying to put the world back together again, right?" Ashley asked her father.

He couldn't help but return the small, hopeful smile she was giving him. "Yeah, sweetheart, I'm trying. For whatever that's worth." Most days, it seemed like a nearly impossible challenge.

Ashley smiled. "Night, Daddy. Love you."

"Love you, too, monsters."

* * *

Talking about visiting the city gave Tom an idea for something to do with his family. There weren't a lot of places that they could safely go and not have the kids get traumatized by the carnage. But he realized that there was one location he could take them to that was both low-risk and quintessential New York.

Rachel was still working, so it was just Tom and the kids for a couple hours. He got them life jackets and they loaded up in one of the ship's RHIBs. They traveled down the East River, under the Kennedy, Queensboro, and Brooklyn Bridges. The city's skyscrapers towered above them as they sailed past, purposely going slow so the kids could take it all in. They stared upward in open-mouthed shock. The city was so different from anywhere they'd ever been.

Out in the bay, the RHIB approached and circled Liberty Island. "What do you know about the Statue of Liberty?" Tom asked the kids. Jed had been teaching them about New York in school.

"It was a present from France, right?" Ashley wondered.

"Yep. It was built by the same man who did the Eiffel Tower in Paris." They stopped in the water in front of the giant historical monument, and Tom knelt between his kids. "You guys should have some idea of how the millions of immigrants who came here felt. Spending a long time on a ship, not sure what you're going to find when you arrive, and then you come here and see this statue quietly sitting in the harbor, welcoming you to one of the most impressive cities in the world. New York was the gateway to America, and the promise of a better life."

Ashley grinned, wrapping her arm around her father's shoulders. "She's beautiful, Daddy. "

Sam nodded in agreement. "I hope she stays here forever."

Tom smiled, gently tousling his hair. "Me, too, buddy. Me, too."

* * *

Rachel didn't return to the ship from the city until sometime in the middle of that night. After being awake and working in one capacity or another for nearly 48 hours straight, she was exhausted. However, she still tried to be very quiet as she changed out of her clothes and slipped into bed beside Tom. As she pulled the blanket up, she felt his arm wrap around her waist.

"Sorry," she whispered. "I was trying not to wake you."

He shook his head. "I was just dozing. I wanted to know when you made it back." He'd checked on her in person after he had dropped his kids back off on the ship and had been getting updates from his tactical teams throughout the day. However, he couldn't really breathe easy until Rachel was safely back onboard the _James_. "How'd it go?"

"We got a lot accomplished. The queues were finally empty, though I imagine they'll start up again in the morning." Word was spreading through the survivor camps that a cure and real medical treatment were at last available.

"I'm surprised you didn't just find somewhere to crash at the school," Tom commented. The cots they'd taken along weren't as comfortable as a real bed, but she probably would have already been catching some sleep by that point.

Rachel smiled, reaching behind her to lay a hand on his hip. "I could have, but I thought we'd both sleep better if I was in your arms."

Tom held her closer, "Thank you for that."

Her smile grew, taking on a mischievous quality. "But since I did survive unscathed, I think someone owes me an apology."

"Really?" Tom wondered. "Who?" Rachel dug her nails into his hip. "Ouch! Fine, then." He not-so-gently turned her over onto her back and captured her lips with his own. Her left hand slid into his hair, gently rubbing the nape of his neck. Thoughts of exhaustion quickly melted away; she had truly missed him.

Rachel panted for breath as Tom's lips moved along her jawline and down the hollow of her throat. He could feel her heart fluttering against her ribs as he continued lower, nipping at the curve of her breast before soothing the sting with his tongue. He smiled as she squirmed beneath him, grinding her hips against his.

"Patience, babe," he murmured as he slid her camisole up, exposing her toned stomach. Both of her hands landed on his shoulders as he kissed a trail from her ribs down to her navel.

"I don't have any," she hoarsely declared. He chuckled against her lower abdomen, and the vibration shot straight through her body. "Oh, my love..."

Tom hooked a finger in the waistband of her panties and started slipping them off her hips torturously slowly. Resting on his elbow, he traced random patterns up the inside of her thigh with his fingers. His fingertips lightly brushed over her core, making her hips involuntarily buck, but then Tom abruptly pulled away.

"I apologize," he told her with a slightly wicked grin.

It took a minute for Rachel's brain to process those words. "What?"

"You wanted an apology," Tom reminded her. And with that, he laid down on the bed and closed his eyes.

"W-what are you doing?"

"Going to sleep," he easily replied. "It's the middle of the night." Tom kissed her bare shoulder and gave an innocent smile as he settled down at her side.

Rachel stared at him, open-mouthed, for a long moment, trying to get her body back under control and determine if he was joking. An obviously fake snore emanated from Tom's side of the bed, and she lightly punched him in the shoulder.

"If you're not capable of finishing what you've started," she threatened, "Then I'll go find someone who is."

Rachel started to get out of bed, but Tom grabbed her and pulled her back. She landed roughly on the mattress, but smiled as he crawled over her, an absolutely feral look in his eyes. Rachel could feel his desire for her hard against her thigh.

"Woman, I will show you EXACTLY what I'm capable of," he growled in her ear.

She laughed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to hang on for the ride. "Good."

* * *

 **TBC...**


	4. Short Fuses

**CHAPTER FOUR: SHORT FUSES**

A week later, the ship left the city, sailing east along the northern shore of Long Island. Having a day at sea gave everyone a bit of a breather. They'd been pulling long hours in New York working at the treatment center, trying to help survivors get a bit of infrastructure running again, and starting the gruesome task of cleaning up the dead. Plus, they also had to keep their floating home operational; a week at anchor was a good chance to take care of some lingering maintenance items.

As Tom roamed between a few different departments on the ship, he decided to stop by the biolab. Rachel had only come back to the ship to sleep on one other night that week, and he thoroughly missed seeing her. Even now, after they'd left the city behind them, she and Bertrise were swamped trying to rebuild their supply of the cure.

When Tom entered the lab, Bertrise looked up and waved to him. Rachel, however, was so preoccupied with whatever was on her laptop screen that she didn't notice him until he was standing right beside her. And then she jumped a mile.

"Sorry," Tom told her with a chuckle. "You didn't hear the hatch?"

"Obviously not," Rachel snapped.

That sobered him up quickly; he hadn't expected her to actually be upset with him. "Are you okay?"

Rachel sighed, running a hand through her long hair. It had not been a good day, but she knew that wasn't his fault. "Sorry. I didn't mean to get cross."

"What's going on?" he wondered.

"Besides being exhausted, my back has been killing me all day."

Tom frowned. "What happened?" No one had told him anything about her being in a situation where she could have gotten hurt.

Rachel sighed. "The joys of being a woman. I should be fine by tomorrow. It's just particularly bad this month."

Tom winced in sympathy. He did not consider Rachel to be a complainer by any stretch of the imagination. She'd ended up unconscious in sickbay before because she wouldn't let physical ailments slow her down. So if she was complaining now, he knew she had to be hurting pretty damn badly. "Sorry, babe," he told her. "What can I do to help?"

Rachel shook her head. "Nothing."

"I'm sure the Doc has some aspirin left."

"Actually, we went through nearly all of it in the city," she corrected him. They were very low on a lot of supplies; hopefully they'd find a hospital on Long Island that was still intact so they could restock. "I'm not going to waste what we have left."

Tom frowned. He didn't like the idea of her martyring herself. "If you need it - "

"I don't," she protested. "I'll be fine."

"Okay... Would a massage help?"

Rachel offered him a small smile. It was nice every now and then to be reminded that she didn't have to take on life's challenges alone. "Probably. But not right now. I just want to get finished for the day." If she stopped and laid down on a bed, Rachel knew that she would end up falling asleep. She didn't have time for that at the moment.

Tom nodded. "All right, but my fingers are all yours tonight. You deserve some pampering - once a month or every day. Whatever you need."

Rachel loved that he could be a total Prince Charming sometimes. "Thank you."

"You want tea or anything now? Have you eaten today?"

"No, thanks. And no, not really. I haven't had much of an appetite."

"You've gotta take care of yourself," he lightly admonished her.

"I know... That's what I have you for."

"Yeah, well, do me a favor and make it a little easier for me." He looked around to find Bertrise. "Make sure she takes a break for dinner, okay?" he requested.

The teen nodded. "Yes, sir."

Tom turned as the hatch opened behind them. Tex entered the lab, holding two mugs. He had hitched a ride on the ship as they left New York, since it was faster and easier than walking. He planned to set out on his own again at their next stop.

"Afternoon, ladies," he greeted Rachel and Bertrise. "Captain," he added with a nod hello.

"Hi, Tex," Bertrise told him.

Rachel forced a smile even though she really didn't feel like dealing with anyone right now. "What can we do for you?" she wondered.

"Nothing. Just thought you might like a little afternoon pick-me-up." He set a mug of tea down in front of each of the women.

"Thank you," Rachel told him.

"My pleasure."

Tom, however, was not quite as appreciative. He could have easily gone and gotten Rachel some tea. He'd offered, but she said no. Then someone else came strolling in... It was just some stupid tea, but he didn't like it.

"Sorry I didn't bring a third cup," Tex told Tom, "But I didn't know anyone else would be here. I figured you'd be on the bridge about this time in the afternoon. Slow day?"

Tom shook his head. "No," he replied, clenching his jaw. "Just making my rounds."

Rachel could easily see that leaving both men in the same room for an extended period would not end well. Considering how poorly she was feeling and how much work she still had left to do, she had zero patience for whatever their testosterone-fueled issues were. "Well, since we all have a busy afternoon ahead of us, we should get back to work," she spoke up. She gave both men a look that dared them to argue with her.

Tom nodded. "Of course." He waited until Tex began moving toward the hatch before he followed, but couldn't help adding one more thing before leaving. "I'll see you tonight, my cabin," he told Rachel.

She rolled her eyes at him, having seen right through what he was doing, but nonetheless nodded.

 **~ % ~**

Out in the p-way, the two men sized each other up. Tom was trying very hard not to openly glare, but didn't think he was totally successful.

"If I didn't know better," Tex said with a grin, "I'd think you were worried about my intentions."

"Should I be?" Tom shot back.

His smile widened. "Well, that depends on whether or not you think I've got a shot."

"You don't."

Tex laughed. "What's the matter, Captain?" He was obviously amusing himself with the fact that he could so easily push the other man's buttons. "You got a problem with a little friendly competition?"

"This isn't a competition," Tom retorted. He started to walk away, but stopped and turned back. "But even if it was, I already won."

* * *

That night at dinner, Tom and Mike sat back and amusedly listened as their children gave a blow-by-blow description of the flag football game that had been played on the flight deck early in the evening. Since it was early September, the crew had decided to try starting weekly games to take the place of the now-defunct NFL. Tom just hoped he wouldn't get any reports from Doc Rios about serious injuries.

"Danny caught this perfect pass," Sam narrated. He was the biggest sports fan of the three kids. "But Chris got him right away. And then when Zach threw for the touchdown - "

"It got tipped," Ashley cut in.

"Uh-oh," Tom murmured, sensing that this wasn't going to end well.

"And the ball went overboard," Sam finished.

"Oooh, was that the only one we had left?" Mike wondered.

Katie nodded. "Game over."

The men chuckled. "Aw, that's pathetic," Tom groaned. "The season lasted one game."

"Not even," Mike pointed out. "They didn't finish."

A steward entered the room with their food. "Dad?" Sam asked as the plates were set out on the table. "Where's Rachel?"

"She's in her lab, pal," Tom replied. "She's working."

"Doesn't she need dinner?"

"Yeah, but I think she's going to eat it down there." At least he hoped she was actually eating. He wasn't sure if she was feeling any better.

"We miss her," Sam declared, and Ashley nodded in agreement. They'd barely seen Rachel that week with the hours she'd been working. On the sole occasion that she had managed to come back to the ship for the night, she'd made sure to peek into the children's room and kiss them goodnight, but they'd already been asleep.

"Yeah, I know you guys miss her," Tom assured them, "And she misses you, too. But she's been trying to help a lot of sick people get better. And been doing an amazing job; you should be really proud of her."

"Can she tell us a story tonight?" Ashley wondered as she stirred up her pasta.

"Well, I'm not sure if she'll be done before you go to bed. But I promise I will tell her that you guys were asking about her. Maybe we'll have breakfast together in the morning so you can see her?" He hoped that Rachel had been right when she said she'd be back to normal by the next day. Getting a good night's rest would probably go a long way. Tom knew he slept a lot better when she was with him; he was looking forward to a night with her in his arms. They could have a lazy morning with the kids, including breakfast in his cabin for just the four of them, and take advantage of the chance to catch up with each other.

The siblings smiled. "Okay."

* * *

Late that night, after the kids were in bed, Tom tried to make sure his cabin was ready for Rachel to have a completely stress-free night. He stopped by the wardroom and got the last of his chocolate stash, straightened up a few items that had been left out around the room, and made sure the bed had clean linen. He figured she could get a hot shower when she arrived or just go straight to sleep. He was happy to be the doting boyfriend and give her whatever she needed to feel better. Tom hated to admit it, but he wasn't immune to jealousy. The fact that someone else was interested in Rachel was a good motivation for him to show her why she'd already made the right choice.

Tom looked up at the sound of a knock on his hatch. Normally Rachel didn't bother with such formalities - it was half her home, too - so he wondered if someone else was paying him a late night visit. That would mean that something was wrong on the ship, and he swallowed a frustrated sigh. If only he could clone himself so that it would be possible to take care of both his family and his ship at the same time.

As Tom opened the hatch, he was glad to find that Rachel was in fact the one on the other side. "Hey, babe," he stated to say, but the words died in his throat as he took in her appearance.

She was leaning heavily against the doorframe, looking a bit dazed. Her skin was pale and clammy and she was hunched over in pain. Apparently, things had taken a sharp turn since he'd seen her that afternoon.

"What's wrong?" Tom wondered as he ushered her inside, helping her stay on her feet.

"The cramping's gotten worse and I've been bleeding a lot..." Rachel's eyes shone with tears as she looked up at him. "I think I'm having a miscarriage."

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N:** Don't be too mad at me; life is never drama free, right? Also, thank you to everyone who left feedback on the previous chapter. It's been a rough week with work and a death in the family, so I'm sorry I didn't respond individually. Please always know that I'm very appreciative of reviews and enjoy discussing the show and the story with you.


	5. Blood

**CHAPTER FIVE: BLOOD**

 **A/N: This is going to be rough, so sensitive readers beware.**

* * *

Tom blinked, once then twice, as his brain tried to process the words that he'd just heard. He'd never even imagined that possibility. "W-what?" he finally choked out. "Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" They both flinched at his tone; he hadn't meant to sound so accusatory.

Rachel looked away; Tom's eyes boring through her were too much for her to handle. "I didn't know I was," she admitted. "I didn't... I had no idea." Tom captured her fingers within his own, brushing his thumb over the back of her hand in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. "But now that I think about it, I am a couple weeks late, and there are only so many other explanations for such heavy bleeding."

"Like what?" he wondered, feeling a bit of desperate hope rise up. Maybe she was wrong; maybe it was something else.

"A tumor," Rachel whispered. "Aggressive and almost certainly malignant." Tom knew what she wasn't saying, and his hope receded. Cancer, if that was the real issue, would be a guaranteed death sentence given the current state of the world. It was a nauseating thought that a miscarriage was the 'good' option.

"H-how do we find out?"

"I drew some of my blood in the lab and started the test," Rachel replied. A band-aid covered the needle mark on the inside of her left elbow. "But I... I didn't want to look... I couldn't do it without you being there, without you knowing."

Tom sighed, pressing his lips to her temple in a gentle kiss. "I'm here," he softly promised. "I'm here with you no matter what." Her naked vulnerability scared him. Everyone onboard the Nathan James knew that Dr. Rachel Scott was capable of doing practically anything if she put her mind to it. Her strength and fearlessness were two things that Tom loved about her. So if she was saying that she needed him to be with her, then she truly wanted him there.

Rachel suddenly doubled over as the pain spiked. She bit back a moan, forcing herself to keep breathing, even if it was in short, agonized gasps. Tom caught her around the waist to keep her upright.

"Come on," he told her as he directed her over to the bed. She was quite obviously in no condition to be roaming around the ship. "Stay here," Tom said as he gently helped her lay down, "And I'll go check the test, as long as you can tell me what to look for."

"It'll be on my laptop screen," Rachel softly explained. "Look for the number next to 'hCG.' If it's above 25mlU/ml, then I'm pregnant." She paused as her words registered in her mind; a choked sob found its way out of her throat. "Or... was pregnant."

Tom had faced a lot of things in his life, but had no idea how to respond to that. He was relatively certain there wasn't a 'right' thing to say that could make this any easier for either of them. "I'll be back in a few minutes," was all he finally managed. He kissed her again before turning and leaving.

Once alone, the silence in the room was deafening. Rachel curled up in a ball and covered her face with her hands as she cried. She'd been in denial for most of the evening, but that wasn't an option anymore. How could this be happening?

* * *

All along his walk down to the bio lab, Tom tried to mentally distance himself from the situation. If he actually started thinking about how wrong this night was going, he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep it together. He knew that Rachel needed him to be thinking clearly, and he couldn't let her down. So this was just a number, he told himself, a random piece of data. Not... not a living piece of the two of them that was quietly slipping away.

He had to stop and take a minute to gather himself again before he could look at her computer screen. No matter how many times or how forcefully he told himself that this was just a number, his heart wouldn't be convinced. His first baby, his beautiful daughter, had also been a complete surprise. He'd been deployed in the Persian Gulf and could remember getting an email from Darien with a picture of a positive pregnancy test. He'd just stared at it, unable to believe that he was really going to be a daddy. Thousands of miles had separated him from his late wife throughout the pregnancy, but they'd tried to share the experience as much as possible. Tom had wanted to hear about every doctor visit, see every sonogram picture. He'd asked for every detail and wished with all his heart that he was there with her. When he finally saw a photo of newborn Ashley, he'd thought his heart would burst. When he held her in his arms for the first time, his life was irrevocably changed.

This could be another first baby, another little boy or girl that could have been be so loved by its parents months before he or she was even born. But the chance was gone before they'd even known it was there. Tom felt totally helpless, like they'd been robbed of something precious with absolutely no recourse. He was a man who did things, made things happen. And right now, he had no idea what to do.

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath to steel himself before looking at Rachel's laptop screen. His eyes roamed over the displayed data until he found what he was looking for. A single tear rolled down his face before he hastily brushed it away.

He had to be the strong one right now.

* * *

When Tom got back to his cabin, Rachel was still curled up on the bed. Her eyes were closed and she looked even more pale than before, if that was possible. A metallic scent permeated the room, and his eyes quickly located the source. A frighteningly large amount of dark red blood had stained Rachel's faded blue jeans. Tom's heart leapt to his throat at the quantity; how long had he been gone? A quick check of his watch showed it hadn't been more than ten minutes, and he knew the blood hadn't been visible when he left. If she was losing that much blood that rapidly, this had to be turning life-threatening. He cursed himself for having left her alone.

"Rachel?" he asked as he knelt by the bed, a slight note of panic in his voice. "Hey, baby, can you hear me?"

She hadn't moved a muscle at the sound of the hatch opening and closing, but now her eyes slowly opened as his hand cupped her cheek. It seemed to take forever before she was able to focus in on his face. "Tom?"

"Yeah, honey, I'm back. Can you wrap your arms around my neck?"

"Why?" Rachel whispered, although she tried to move to comply even before she got an answer.

Tom slipped one arm under her knees and the other around her back, lifting her off the bed. "Because I'm taking you down to sickbay. Now."

 **~ % ~**

Despite the very late hour, Doc Rios was still at work in the infirmary. They'd used a lot of supplies in New York and it wasn't a simple task to take stock of what they had left and prioritize what they needed to acquire. His attention was pulled away from his clipboard as the hatch opened. Rios couldn't hide his surprise at the sight of the ship's captain carrying Dr. Scott inside.

"What the hell happened to her?" he asked as he hurried over to prepare a bed.

"She... she's having a miscarriage," Tom informed him. Saying the words out loud made it seem so horribly real. "But something's wrong; she's losing a ton of blood."

The doctor froze in shock for a moment but quickly recovered. Everyone on the ship knew that the captain and scientist were in a relationship together, but this wasn't an outcome that anyone had foreseen. As if we haven't all lost enough, he thought to himself.

Tom laid Rachel down on the bed once it was ready. She immediately curled up on her side, both arms over her abdomen. "How long has she been bleeding?" Rios asked as he went to get a blood pressure cuff and thermometer.

Tom looked to Rachel. Her eyes were closed again, and he wasn't immediately sure if she'd heard the doctor. However, her eyelids fluttered when he gently brushed her hair back from her face, proving that she was still awake, if only barely. "All day," she gritted out as Tom took her hand. "I j-just thought I was menstruating, but tonight... it started g-getting very heavy."

Tom stayed at her side, holding her hand like a lifeline as Rios did a few preliminary checks. "She's got a fever," the doctor reported when he was finished. "Over 102. And her blood pressure is dangerously low. Do you know her blood type?" Tom shook his head. "I'll look it up in a minute. We're going to need volunteers in order to give her a transfusion."

Tom looked down as Rachel's fingers tightened around his. Her eyebrows were knitted in a wince and he assumed the pain was getting worse. "Can't you give her something?" he impatiently snapped at the doctor. He couldn't stand seeing her suffering and it seemed like she was losing the battle against unconsciousness.

Rios nodded. "I will. But I need to finish examining her first."

Tom sighed. "Hang on, honey," he whispered as he crouched beside the bed. "I'm right here; squeeze as hard as you need to."

Rachel took full advantage, her fingers crushing his like a vise. "C-cold," she managed to stutter out, so Tom reached for a blanket and draped it over her.

"That better?" He thought she nodded, but the movement was too slight to be certain. "Stay with me, Rachel, okay? Just hang in there a little longer."

Rios approached with a few instruments and sat at the foot of the bed. "Can you help me with her clothes?" he asked Tom.

The captain nodded. "I assume there isn't anything you can do at this point to save the baby, is there?" He had a feeling he knew the answer, but he had to ask, just in case.

Rios looked up at him. "Right now, unless I can determine what's caused the excessive bleeding and infection..." The doctor cleared his throat, knowing his next words would be brutally honest. "I'm going to do everything I can, but I can't promise that I'll be able to save Dr. Scott."

* * *

 **TBC...**


	6. Fallout

**CHAPTER SIX: FALLOUT**

The rich, gentle sound of a string quartet filled Rachel's ears. She could feel the heat from the bright blaze in the traditional fireplace across the room. A man's deep voice started humming along with the recorded music. Her father's voice.

Rachel was just a young girl, lying on an overstuffed sofa with her head on a pillow in her father's lap. They were in the living room of her childhood home in London. She and her father had often sat together before her bedtime, sharing stories or listening to music while he read a journal article or the newspaper. Sometimes they'd listened to Mozart or Beethoven, sometimes he'd played traditional Indian music. Her father had been half-Bengali, and had tried to share his mother's heritage with her, too. Long before she'd ever actually left England, he'd taken her on voyages around the world through his knowledge and stories.

"Are you warm enough?" he asked, his large, warm hand smoothing the knit blanket that was draped over both of them.

She nodded. "Yes, Daddy."

"Good. What do you think of this, monkey?" he asked her, and began explaining one of his articles to her. Rachel had loved it whenever he asked for her opinion. Her father had been brilliant in her eyes and it made her feel so special that he genuinely cared about what she thought.

His words blended with the music for her, the tenor notes of his voice mixing with the rich, mellow sound of the cello and warm melody of the violins. Rachel tried her best to listen, but could feel her eyelids starting to droop. On more than one occasion during her childhood, she'd fallen asleep there on the couch and her father had carried her up to her room instead of waking her. Her mother had quietly chastised him for spoiling her too much, but they'd had a very special closeness through the first thirteen and a half years of her life. Most men wanted sons, but her father couldn't have been happier to have his daughter. Nowhere in the world had seemed safer to her than wrapped up in his arms.

She was almost asleep when she felt her head get moved. Her father's legs were no longer under the pillow that she was resting on. She could hear his heavy footsteps leaving the parlor.

"Daddy?"

The front door to their brownstone opened and closed as she got up from the sofa.

"Daddy?!" Rachel ran after him as fast as her legs would carry her. Where was he going? He couldn't leave her!

When she opened the front door, the world outside made her recoil. The street was a burned out wreck. Her neighbors' beautiful homes had been reduced to nothing but charred stone walls that were missing their roofs and windows. Debris, burned cars, and rotting bodies littered the street. This was not the London of her childhood, but how the city now appeared. She'd stood on this street a few months earlier when the Nathan James reached England and mourned the loss of her home.

"Daddy!" she screamed out again, even though she knew that she wouldn't find him. He'd been dead for over two decades.

"You're too late," his voice told her, and she looked around in vain for the source of the sound. "You're always too late."

* * *

The first thing that Rachel noticed when she awakened was the sunlight. Warm, golden rays streamed in from a window to her right. They made her squint her eyes as she grew accustomed to the brightness. She was lying on a hospital bed and could hear the distinct beeping of a heart monitor. Both of those things could be found in sickbay. But the sunlight told her that she definitely wasn't on the _Nathan James_ any longer.

As her eyes adjusted, she slowly took in her surroundings. Tom was slouched in a chair on her left, fast asleep. Rachel slowly reached out her hand to touch his arm. Her body felt heavy and clumsy, a sure sign that she'd been under anesthesia.

Tom startled awake at the contact, looking around in confusion for what had brought him back to consciousness. A smile crossed his face when he saw that Rachel was watching him. "Hey, sleeping beauty. I've missed those eyes," he told her as he sat forward.

"Hi," she whispered, her voice hoarse with disuse.

His smile widened a little. "Hi."

"Where are we?"

"Portsmouth."

Rachel's eyes widened; they hadn't been anywhere near the base the last time she'd been awake. "What?"

"It was the best option for you that I knew of," Tom explained. "We pushed the ship hard and Doc Rios took care of you until we could get you to the medical center on base." He debated whether to give her any other details, but decided against it for the moment. "How do you feel?"

"I don't know... Sore."

He nodded slightly and squeezed her hand. "Yeah, I think that's expected... I'm going to go find your doctor, okay?" She nodded.

 **~ % ~**

The doctor came to check Rachel over and discussed her short-term recovery. They wanted to keep her for a couple days at the medical center to monitor her. Tom noticed that she still seemed groggy and her smile had disappeared by the time the doctor left. It was starting to sink in why she'd needed to be brought to a hospital in the first place. As Tom sat back down at Rachel's bedside, he could see that her eyes were starting to spill over.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in a pitiful little voice that broke his heart.

He used his thumb to gently wipe her tears away. "You have nothing to be sorry for, honey. It's not your fault."

Rachel shook her head. "I wasn't paying attention... I should have known what was happening in my own damn body!"

"Shh, shh," Tom tried to calm her. "I'm just grateful that you're alive. We didn't know... the doc wasn't certain, initially, how this was going to turn out." He brought her hand up and kissed the back of it. The fear of the past few days was slowly starting to evaporate now that she was finally awake.

"How long was I unconscious?" Rachel wondered.

"Almost three days." Her eyebrows rose in surprise, but she said nothing. "I should call back to the ship and let the kids know you're awake. They've been really worried."

Rachel felt another surge of regret; she could imagine how terrifying it would be for Ashley and Sam to see her ill and wonder if she was going to survive. For Sam, losing someone else that he was close to was his greatest fear. Had she done irreparable harm to their relationship? "I'm so sorry."

Tom shook his head. "No, Rach, you have nothing to apologize for." He wasn't certain if she believed him, but didn't know how to convince her. "I'm going to call for the kids, okay? I'll be right back."

Once alone, Rachel stared up at the ceiling and tried to blink back the tears that were burning her eyes. She didn't feel like she deserved to be relieved of her guilt. This was her burden to bear.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Tom was back to sitting with Rachel when the door opened and Ashley and Sam ran in. Their grandfather was trailing behind them, barely able to keep up with the eager children.

"Careful, guys," their father warned at the same time that Jed told them,

"Slow down, be gentle."

Ashley and Sam stood to Rachel's right, each of them holding one of her hands. Sam was closer to her, with his sister right beside him. "We missed you so much," Ashley declared. "It was so scary." Her little brother was noticeably silent.

Rachel forced a smile that she hoped would reassure them. "I'm okay now. I'm so sorry you were frightened."

"You're not going to die?" Sam quietly asked, his eyes downcast.

Rachel slipped her fingers from his to brush his hair from his face; it was getting very long again. "No, darling, I'm going to be all right. You don't have to worry any more."

"Why did you get so sick?" Ashley wondered. Rachel's eyes flickered over to Tom. He hadn't told his children what happened?

"The doctors still aren't quite sure," Tom smoothly told the kids, and it was only a partial lie. There really wasn't a definitive answer for why the miscarriage had occurred. He'd asked every doctor he could find and got the same unsatisfying response from each of them. "But at least they were able to help Rachel get better."

Rachel supposed that his half-truth made sense, in a way. The children had been concerned enough already and not telling them the whole story spared them from even more pain. Why let them know that there'd been a possibility of having a highly-desired baby sibling if it wasn't actually going to happen? They didn't need anyone else to mourn.

Another stab of guilt went through her; it was piling up like a weight on her chest, crushing her and making it hard to breathe. The children would both make such wonderful older siblings. Ashley was already a good big sister, and had decided from being around Chloe Foster-Green that she loved babies. Sam still regularly requested that they give him a little brother, and Rachel knew she'd just lost the answer to his prayers.

"When do you get to come home?" Ashley wondered, bringing Rachel's mind back to their conversation.

"I-in a day or two," she replied, her voice gravelly with emotion.

Sam laid his head down on the side of the bed. "I love you," he whispered to Rachel, as though it was a secret just for the two of them.

She willed herself not to cry as she felt her heart break. Months ago, Sam had been so afraid to freely show affection to her out of fear that he could lose her. That fear had almost come true, but he was bravely choosing not to pull away again. "I love you, too," Rachel whispered back. "Both of you. So much."

"I'm glad you didn't go to heaven," Sam continued.

"Me, too, luv. Me, too."

Tom got up from his seat and joined his father by the door. "How have the kids been?" he wondered. Jed had been looking out for Ashley and Sam for the last few days, which had left Tom free to only have to worry about Rachel.

"They're a lot better now," he replied. "With any luck, they'll actually get some sleep tonight." Nightmares had been plaguing them, but seeing Rachel awake would hopefully help remedy that.

"Yeah. Thanks, Pop."

"That's what I'm here for." They both looked back over to Rachel, Sam, and Ashley. "We're damn lucky not to have lost her, huh?" Jed wondered. He knew the whole story and had been his son's only confidant throughout the ordeal.

Tom solemnly nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, we are."

* * *

Jed took the kids back to the ship around dinnertime. Once Tom and Rachel were alone, a tension-filled silence fell. They glanced at each other a few times, but neither spoke and they remained apart.

Rachel was still feeling groggy and exhausted. She knew it was because her body had been through a lot, but also considered it to be her own fault. Over the past few weeks, she'd worked ridiculous hours, barely eaten, and barely slept. She'd conditioned herself over time to handle those things, but the tiny, helpless life within her wouldn't have been able to. As a scientist, she rationally knew that sometimes miscarriages were thought to be due to abnormalities with an unviable fetus - nature correcting it's own mistakes. But as the patient, it felt like she was the one who had made the mistakes. She'd always wanted to have children, and the pieces had finally fallen together for that wish to come true. Then, she'd completely ruined it. And if that wasn't bad enough, she knew that she'd not only hurt herself but also the man she loved.

Tom meanwhile, was beating himself up pretty good, too. His late wife had never had any problems when she was pregnant, but he knew there were always risks. He'd been so cavalier with Rachel's life, believing that nothing bad could possibly happen to them. The chance that she'd get pregnant certainly had been non-zero and yet he'd continued to roll the dice. It was highly ironic that they'd gone months without birth control and never conceived, but then she'd gotten pregnant after they started using contraception. Why hadn't he just kept it in his pants? He should have been thinking more clearly, taken better care of her. They didn't live in the same world that had existed a year and a half earlier. It was more like a century and a half earlier. His role, both professionally and personally, was to protect the people around him. It hurt, of course, when he lost a member of his crew. Losing another member of his family would be unimaginable.

Silence reigned as they were each lost in their own thoughts, unable to share their feelings with the other. The quiet was a chasm slowly widening between them. The longer it went on, the less capable they felt of saying anything. They each knew the other was suffering - how would adding their guilt help the situation? And if they weren't going to talk about what they were thinking, what was there to say?

"You should get some rest," Tom finally spoke up.

Rachel nodded, turning on her side away from him and closing her eyes. "Okay."

"I'll be back in the morning." He started to bend over to kiss her goodbye, but wasn't sure if she'd want him to. So he awkwardly straightened and took a step back. If she noticed, she pretended not to. "I love you," Tom quietly told her in parting.

Rachel didn't react or respond. She remained motionless until she was alone. And then the flood of tears started.

* * *

 **TBC...**


	7. What If

**CHAPTER SEVEN: WHAT IF**

In the morning, Rachel was still asleep when Tom returned to the medical center. He'd slept better than the past few days, but was still weary. He got a second cup of coffee from the pot in the hall; the one he'd drank before leaving the ship wasn't going to be enough. After entering Rachel's room, he quietly shut the door behind him. The chair by her bedside wasn't the most comfortable in the world, but he was used to it by now and settled back to just watch her sleep.

Over the past few days, Tom had spent far more time than he wanted imagining what his life would be like without her. Their relationship had been a total surprise to him, but now she was one of the most important people in his life. He couldn't lose a woman he loved twice in the span of a year. He couldn't imagine ever starting over again, ever trusting his heart to someone again after that great of a misfortune.

He was grateful that Rachel's life had been spared, but also was anguished by what they'd lost. It had been a shock at first, but in the quiet moments he couldn't stop thinking about the future they might have had. He could imagine what Rachel would look like when heavily pregnant, what it would be like to feel their child moving beneath her skin. He could envision a little boy or girl with their mother's curious mind following him around everywhere and asking a million questions. How does that work? Why is this that way? What if this happened? He could see Ashley doing her little sister's hair or Sam roughhousing with his little brother. He could picture watching Rachel tuck their child into bed and tell him or her stories until they fell asleep curled up together. Was that dream gone now? Tom had seen the pain in Rachel's eyes the day before and knew that she was also grieving. It was clear that she desired and was good with children, and he wanted everything she wished for come true. She didn't deserve this.

Caught up in his thoughts, he almost didn't notice when Rachel woke up. She started to stir and turned toward him even before she opened her eyes. "Hey," he softly told her, sitting forward in his chair. "Morning."

"How long have you been here?" she sleepily wondered.

"Not too long. How are you doing?"

Rachel sat up in bed, considering her lingering aches and pains. She was feeling more alert than the previous evening and starting to wonder about the medical details of what had happened to her. "I'll tell you in a minute if you give me my chart."

Tom rolled his eyes slightly, but obeyed. She was far from a model patient, but he figured having a bit of sass was a good sign that she was feeling better.

Rachel scanned through the notes from her surgeon. She was relieved to find that they hadn't been required to give her a hysterectomy. That meant that she still had the opportunity, someday, to make up for this. They'd never be able to get this baby back, of course, but she hadn't wasted her only chance.

"Well?" Tom wondered.

She handed the file back. "I'm on the mend." Something suddenly dawned on her. "What's happening with the crew?"

Tom frowned. "What do you mean?"

"The ship diverted from its mission, for me."

Tom took her hand. Did she really think so little of herself, that she was just an inconvenience to them? "You saved all of their lives. They were happy to do whatever they could to save yours in return. And they're getting some shore leave."

Rachel couldn't bring her eyes to meet his. "How much do they know?" She hated the idea that she'd become fodder for the rumor mill. The thought of two hundred people judging her failures was just unbearable.

"Not much," he replied, "Other than the fact that your life was at risk." Tom knew that Mike had made it crystal clear to their department heads that there wasn't to be any gossiping.

Rachel nodded, but didn't respond. The silence started to stretch on, and Tom considered her carefully.

"How are you actually doing, Rachel? Not just physically?" She still didn't answer. "Please say something to me, honey. I'm concerned about you." He was afraid of what was going to happen to them if they didn't start talking to each other. Maybe if he shared what he was thinking, it would help. "This... this was a shock that we weren't expecting - and certainly didn't want."

Rachel slowly nodded. She'd been dreading this discussion because of sheer terror over the idea of him blaming her. She could viciously berate herself all day long - and she certainly already had been - but she didn't think she could stand hearing those words from him. "I should have been more careful about getting pregnant," she softly conceded.

"That's not all on you," Tom immediately replied. He had a good share of that blame, and should have taken more responsibility earlier. "But I meant how it... ended." He blew out a large breath. "I know it sounds crazy, and I never would have planned for it on purpose... I just keep picturing it, though. Having a baby on the ship wouldn't have been easy by any stretch of the imagination, but... we could have managed."

Rachel looked up at him, her eyebrows knitted in surprise and confusion. "You... you were okay with the idea of a baby on the ship?" He'd always made it sound ludicrous when the topic had previously been brought up.

Tom's shoulders raised and lowered slightly in a shrug. "Like I said, I wouldn't have done it on purpose, but... Life has a way of throwing you curveballs sometimes. It wouldn't have been a bad thing - it would have been part of you and me."

Rachel was trembling. Her last ditch effort to console herself had been based on the notion that perhaps things were better this way, since having a baby on the ship would be so difficult and unfair to it. But... maybe they really could have had a wonderful future, if she hadn't lost it. The guilt washed back over her like a tsunami. "I'm sorry," she whispered as tears welled in her eyes.

Tom paled; that wasn't what he had been looking for out of her. He didn't blame her at all, but if she thought he did... "N-no, Rach," he started but she wouldn't look at him. He felt like a monster; he never should have opened his mouth. Making her feel worse in the process of trying to make himself feel better wouldn't solve anything. How the hell were they supposed to deal with this?

Before he could figure out what else to say, there was a knock on the door. A young sailor from the base poked his head in the room. "Excuse me, sir; the Admiral needs to see you," he told Tom.

His expression was slightly pained as he looked back to Rachel. He couldn't ignore the base commander's request, but they also couldn't just leave their conversation there. However, she was back to refusing to look at him. "Go," she softly said.

"Rach - "

"Go," she repeated a little more forcefully. "It's fine."

It was anything but fine, but he knew this discussion would take more time than he had. "I'll be back as soon as I can," he promised.

* * *

When Tom knocked on the door to Admiral Williams' office, the white-haired older man waved for him to enter.

"You wanted to see me, Sir?"

The Admiral nodded. "I did. How is Dr. Scott doing?"

"Better, thanks to your medical personnel and facilities." Tom still felt like an outsider at the base, and therefore he tried very hard to mind his P's and Q's. Portsmouth's post-Red Flu fleet consisted of four submarines which had been undergoing upgrades when the virus hit, two Coast Guard cutters that had already been calling the base home, and then the _Nathan James_. The destroyer - and her captain - were the new kids on the block. They hadn't been in port enough to make the base feel familiar and Tom didn't have a good read on the Admiral yet. It felt strange and sometimes restrictive to now have someone else to answer to after so many months of being the top authority.

Williams nodded. "I'm glad it wasn't too late. It would be a great loss to what's left of humanity if something happened to her."

Tom nodded. "I wholeheartedly agree." And, in his opinion, it would have been his fault.

"Let's get down to business, shall we? I've got a sub that's limping back here from Nova Scotia. The _Alexandria_ lost ballast control."

Tom raised an eyebrow; that didn't sound good. "Any casualties?"

"Thankfully, no. But they were headed for a community that truly needed the cure; they'd just had their first confirmed cases of the Red Flu. So it appears your unexpected arrival here was fortuitous. I want the _Nathan James_ to head north and take over their mission. Once the _Alexandria_ is repaired, she'll go south and continue your mission."

Tom nodded. "Yes, sir."

"I've ordered your ship to be resupplied. I expect you'll be ready by tomorrow morning?"

Tom knew that wasn't really a question. "Yes, sir, the ship and the crew will be ready. However, I'm not sure if Dr. Scott will have been released yet. I assume she'll be flown out by helicopter to meet us?"

The Admiral shook his head. "That won't be necessary. She'll be fine here at the base."

Tom frowned. "She's a member of my crew."

"No, she was a civilian guest aboard your ship." The admiral took off his glasses, folded them, and set them on his desk. "We gave your experiment a try, Captain, but it didn't work. Civilians don't have a place on a Navy ship. They don't have the training and aren't bound to the same codes of conduct. They disrupt the order of the crew and your mission."

Tom forced himself to keep his cool. "Sir, with all due respect, none of us would have a mission right now without Ra - Dr. Scott. None of us would be alive without her. She's the reason we're able to go save the lives of others."

Williams nodded. "I understand that, and am immensely grateful to her. But she hasn't been aboard any of our other vessels and they've managed just fine."

He couldn't argue that point. The subs had been getting supplies of the cure from the base instead of producing it onboard like the _James_. They'd been doing a great deal of good around New England and eastern Canada. Tom hated the Admiral's orders, but he also knew that he had to follow them.

"This is for her safety, Tom," Admiral Williams continued. "And your children's, and everyone else aboard your ship. There's no reason for civilians to be aboard the _Nathan James_ and I want them all off before you leave port."

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N: So I'm really shocked with the direction the show is going in. Obviously this story is very AU by now, and I've created a different history for Rachel. I'm hoping the show somehow cleans up the mess they've made. This story is pretty angsty right now, too, but know that things will get very fluffy eventually.**


	8. Escape and Evade

**CHAPTER EIGHT: ESCAPE AND EVADE**

After everything Rachel had gone through in the past few days, small victories were magnified. That morning she earned back a measure of her independence back by being able to shuffle over to the bathroom on her own. Her legs were a bit weak, and she felt a little lightheaded when she first got up, but she managed.

Once she was finished and had washed her hands, she stared at her reflection in the mirror for a long minute. She didn't think anyone looked good in a hospital gown, but her tangled hair and still-pale skin certainly didn't help. She rubbed at her cheeks and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to make herself look a little less ghoulish. Her lower abdomen felt unsettled as she moved, like jell-o. After a moment of thought, she undid the tie at the back of her neck and let her gown slip off her shoulders and flutter to the floor. Her reflection looked the same as it always had, with the exception of the gauze on her abdomen.

Two bandages covered the incisions below her belly-button, and she gently pulled the tape loose in order to look at the wounds. The small holes through her skin were sutured closed, the edges red and slightly inflamed. It seemed unreal that such a significant event in her life would barely leave a physical scar. Eventually, they'd fade away, almost as though nothing had ever happened. Would that possibly be a blessing, to not have a reminder every single day? Could she actually ever forget? Or was it just another cruel twist, like how easily her child had slipped away in the first place?

Rachel pressed the gauze back down against her skin; a dull soreness resulted from touching the wound. The doctors had been giving her painkillers since her surgery, so the incisions didn't really hurt. If only a few codine pills could do something for the ache in her heart.

A knock sounded on the door to her room, startling her. Her first thought was that Tom had returned, and her heart rate picked up at the thought. She didn't feel strong enough to have another conversation with him right then. She was just too exhausted. The notion of facing him made her feel like she was trapped with no way out. There was nowhere to hide as long as she remained in that room.

A second knock came. "Rachel?" a voice asked, and she let out a breath. It wasn't Tom. She pulled her hospital gown back on and stepped out of the bathroom, turning off the light as she went. When she opened the door, she found Tex standing in the hall. A little teddy bear with a three-inch 'Get Well Soon' balloon was in his hands. "Hey. Are you okay? Should you be up?" he wondered

She headed back to her bed, pulling her IV stand behind her. "It's fine."

He followed her across the room, standing somewhat awkwardly at the foot of her bed. "Okay... How are you feeling?"

Rachel loathed that question. No one ever actually wanted the real answer; it was just a nicety. Asking made them feel good about themselves; hearing a positive response was even better. She couldn't say what she was really thinking. Empty. Broken. Small. Useless. What would be his reaction to those truths? She could imagine the shock on his face and the uncomfortable silence that would fill the room. The truth would only make her feel even more alone. If she didn't let anyone in behind her defenses, then they couldn't hurt her. Therefore, "I'm getting better," was all she softly said as she gingerly sat back down on the bed and got situated.

"Good... Um, here." He handed her the bear. "Figured you could use a little something to brighten the place up."

It seemed like something one would buy a child or an elderly person, but Rachel assumed floral arrangements were hard to come by these days. And it was the thought that counted, right? "Thank you."

"No problem. Well... looks like I got a bit more of a ride than I bargained for, huh?" he lightly joked with a grin as he sat down in the chair beside her bed. He'd only planned to stay on the ship to their next stop on Long Island. Now they were a lot further north after the emergency run to Portsmouth.

"I'm sorry about that," Rachel told him.

Tex shook his head dismissively. "I'd do anything for you; you know that. Even... well, even if I don't stand a snowball's chance in hell with you. The Captain was beside himself the whole way here, worrying about you." Tex had felt a bit put out - and envious - when he'd first heard about their relationship. Now, however, he could see that their feelings were genuine. The heart wants what the heart wants; he couldn't compete with that. "He really loves you, you know that?"

The guilt started to squeeze Rachel's chest again and she looked away. "I know."

Tex could see her shutting down on him and knew that he'd put his foot in his mouth. "Anyway, the extra miles are no big deal," he backtracked. "And I got a chance to be useful to you. Gave as much blood as the Doc would allow, and would have done more if he'd have let me."

A tiny smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. "Thank you. Truly."

Tex nodded. "It was good to be able to help you for once. Was the strangest thing seeing you so sick. You sure you're okay now?"

Rachel was slightly comforted by the fact that Tex didn't seem to know the full story about her 'illness' and was grateful that he wasn't trying to pry for details. The truth was something she could barely think about, let alone say out loud. "Yes, I am. Promise."

There was another knock on the door before it was pushed open. Tom poked his head in and definitely was not expecting to see Tex at Rachel's bedside. Her gaze momentarily flicked up to meet his, but then stayed trained on her blanket. Tom felt a spark of jealousy flare up. Rachel could sit up and talk with Tex like nothing had happened, but barely responded at all to him? Was there something going on he didn't know about?

"Hey," he tightly greeted them. "Everything okay?"

Tex knew his safety probably depended on making himself scarce at that moment. He'd had some fun messing with the captain before, but he wasn't a total ass. Tom had been through the wringer over the past few days and didn't deserve any more unnecessary drama. "Just wanted to see with my own eyes that she's doing alright," he explained as he got up. "I guess I oughta get back to the ship. Still trying to figure out my next move."

"Thank you, again, Tex," Rachel told him.

He nodded as he headed out the door. "No problem."

Tom sat down in the chair that Tex had just vacated. "What were you thanking him for?" he wondered.

"Helping me. He said he gave blood."

Tom nodded, encouraged by the fact that Rachel was actually talking to him. "Yeah, a few people did, including Mike. Doc Rios said he replaced your entire blood volume."

Rachel knew that she'd needed even more blood during surgery at the base; death had been dangerously close. "I suppose I owe my life to them... Not exactly sure how you properly thank someone for that."

"By living," Tom easily replied. He could tell that wasn't the answer she'd expected. "I, um, I'm sorry we were interrupted before."

Rachel shrugged slightly; she didn't want anything else to do with that conversation. "Will you go find my doctor?" she changed the subject.

Tom sat forward, suddenly worried. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I'm fine. I'm ready to leave."

He did a double take. "You just woke up yesterday."

"My fever is gone, I know how to care for my incisions, and lying about will not help me recover." Everything here reminded her of what had happened, with no escape. It was starting to make her skin crawl.

"Your doctor wanted you to stay a couple days," Tom reminded her.

Rachel shook her head. "I don't care. I'll sign a release; I'll be fine." She had enough medical knowledge to take care of herself. "I can take antibiotics and pain medications just as easily on the ship as here. But I can't just sit here any longer."

"Just stay tonight," Tom tried to reason with her, swallowing a bit of panic. Was it truly safe for her to not be in the hospital? He couldn't let anything else happen to her. "Let them make sure you're okay. Tomorrow morning, I'll wheel you out the door myself. I'm just worried about you."

"I'll be fine. I'm sure that Bertrise will constantly be hovering over me." The teen could be adorably overprotective of her.

Tom bit his lip. Rachel didn't know yet that she wouldn't be staying on the ship, and he wasn't sure how to tell her. She was already worked up and ready to bolt; he didn't want to make it worse. "You don't need to rush back to work," he told her. "What would you think of staying here at the base a little longer, getting a break? The kids have been away from land for so long."

Rachel looked at him strangely. "We can't stay here. We still have our mission to complete." She'd already cost them too much time. "What's going on?"

Tom debated coming completely clean at that moment, but the look of bewilderment on her face made him reconsider. He was supposed to be helping her recover, not causing her more stress. "Nothing. Nevermind, was just thinking." He could tell her the whole story later; they still had time. "What's going to make this easier for you? You want to see the kids?"

Rachel sighed, realizing that he wasn't going to give in to her. She was stuck in that bed, but at least a distraction might keep her mind from focusing on why she was stuck there. "Yes, I'd like that."

"Okay. I'm going to call for them. Is there anything you want from the ship? Change of clothes?"

She nodded. Real clothes would make her feel a little more human. "My black yoga pants and grey shirt."

"Okay. I'm going to call my dad. I'll be right back."

Alone out in the corridor, Tom sighed as he frustratedly scrubbed his face with his hands. He knew that he had to tell Rachel the truth about his new orders, but he also knew that she wouldn't take it well. And she would have every right to be upset; that ship had become their home, their safe haven in a dangerous world. But it wasn't their only safe haven anymore. Tom didn't like it, but knew that the Admiral had a point. When it came to where his family should be, he'd spent so much time thinking about what he wanted - or rather, didn't want. Now, as guilt flooded through him, he needed to do what was right for someone other than himself.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N: To the guest that suggested keeping Rachel on the ship so they have a backup production location - Portsmouth isn't the only location right now, just the lead US one. I'll go into it more in a future chapter, but I appreciate the suggestion! I love getting guesses for where the story is going or ideas for where it should go.**


	9. Adrift

**CHAPTER NINE: ADRIFT**

Jed soon arrived at the medical facility with Ashley and Sam. The children were more than happy to miss a little bit of school in order to make a visit. They climbed up into Rachel's bed to sit with her and began sharing stories of what had been happening on the ship and what they'd been learning. Tom was encouraged to see that at least being with his children could put a small smile on Rachel's face. It gave him hope that eventually she'd be okay.

"How are you holding up?" Jed asked his son as they stood together by the door.

Tom took a deep breath. "I'm okay."

"Really?" he skeptically wondered. Jed knew that Tom was primarily focusing on Rachel, but he'd suffered this loss, too.

Tom didn't feel like he had the luxury of not being okay. Sharing what he was thinking wouldn't make anything easier for anyone else. He was afraid to even allow himself to break down in private; if he let his walls down, he wasn't sure he'd be able to get them back up. He couldn't go to pieces like he had after his wife's death; too many people were depending on him.

"I need to go take care of some things," was all Tom responded. He knew his father was among those that needed to hear about the admiral's order, but he couldn't do it right then. _I'll tell my family the truth later_ , Tom promised himself, _Once I get things here worked out for them_. "Will you stay here with them?" he asked Jed.

He nodded. "Sure."

"If anyone from the base comes, don't let them bother Rachel with any ship business." Tom didn't want her hearing about the ship's departure from anyone but him.

Jed frowned. "That doesn't sound good."

"Everything's fine. I just want her to rest and not worry about anything."

Jed could understand that. He agreed that Rachel didn't need to be thinking about the base's production facility or supplies for her lab after everything she'd been through. "Okay."

Tom nodded. "Thanks. I'll be back as soon as I can."

* * *

Tom had many things he needed to do around the base, but first headed for the _Nathan James_. He had to see how everyone was faring on his ship. He knew Mike and his other officers were completely capable of handling the resupply process, but that ship and everyone on it was his responsibility. He'd seen how badly things could go wrong when he let taking care of his personal business come before taking care of his duties.

Engineering was handling a fuel transfer, medical was in charge of the vaccine delivery, plus they were taking on food, ammunition, and general supplies. Everyone was busy, but there hadn't been any problems. After walking the ship and checking in with the major departments onboard, Tom headed for officers' country. There was someone that he needed to speak with.

Tex looked surprised and maybe a little wary when he opened his hatch to find Tom in the p-way. "What can I do for you, Captain?" he wondered as he turned back to shoving his few belongings into a knapsack.

"You're leaving?" Tom wondered.

He shrugged. "Yeah, figured I'd see what New England has to offer. Not much for me to stick around here, is there?" Tom knew exactly what - or rather, who - the other man was wishing he could stick around for. "Good for you, though," Tex continued, "Finally getting through those steel walls of hers." He chuckled slightly. "I didn't think it was possible."

"They're there for a reason," Tom told him. "She's been through a lot." Although he certainly wasn't going to share all of the details.

"Yeah, I guess so." Tex picked up his pack. "Well, I know when I'm beat. All I can say is you better make her happy, and you damn sure better take care of her."

"I intend to," Tom solemnly replied. "But I'm going to need your help with that."

Tex looked up, surprised. "My help?"

The captain nodded, swallowing his pride. It was worth it for the people he loved. "You have every right to say no, but... The ship is getting ready to leave - "

"I've noticed," Tex cut in.

"And Rachel and my kids will be staying in Portsmouth. I know it's not fair of me to ask, but I'm doing it anyway. Will you stick around and watch out for them? My father will be here, too, but he's getting older and has heart issues. I just want to make sure they're safe, and there's no one else here that'll look out for them like you would." He was completely taking advantage of the other man's feelings for Rachel, and knew it, but didn't care.

Tex was quiet for a long moment, thinking. "Does Rachel know about this? That you're tossing her overboard?"

Tom grimaced at that mental picture, but shook his head. "No. Not yet."

Tex nodded. "I would hate to be in your shoes when she finds out."

He sighed. "Tell me about it."

* * *

When Tom returned to the medical center that evening after a few more errands around the area, he brought a surprise for his family. Sam and Ashley instantly abandoned their card game with Rachel and Jed when he walked through the door, thoroughly excited about what they saw in their father's hands - a large pizza box.

"Yummy!" Sam cried as Tom set the box down on the bedside table.

"Where did you find pizza?" Jed asked his son.

"There's actually a functioning restaurant in town," he explained. Kittery, Maine, was the closest thing to the island naval base, connected to it by a couple bridges. The town of Portsmouth was also nearby, but on the New Hampshire side of the river and most easily accessed by boat. "I caught a ride in and this was the special of the day."

Ashley and Sam eagerly reached for slices, ignoring the paper plates and napkins that their father had set out for them. Rachel hadn't had much of an appetite since she'd woken up the day before, but she had to admit that the cheese pizza did smell good.

"Did you bring silverware?" she asked Tom as she also got a slice out of the box and laid it on a plate.

Ashley and Sam gaped at her. "You don't eat pizza with silverware," Ashley told her.

"Why not?" Rachel wondered with a little smile.

"Because," Sam told her, "You eat it like this." He lifted his slice to his mouth and took a large bite. "See?" he asked around a full mouth of food.

"Chew, then talk," Tom reminded him.

"Or you can eat it like this," Ashley added. She turned her slice around and took a bite out of the crust first.

Rachel smiled. "But what's wrong with a knife and fork?" she asked.

"It's just not done," Jed told her as he reached for a slice of his own. "Not by civilized people."

Tom watched them, smiling and enjoying each other. Sam folded his slice in half and took a bite out of the middle. His sister dissolved into giggles when he held his handiwork up to his face and peered with one eye through the hole. Jed mimicked his grandson, making Ashley and Rachel both laugh. Tom knew that he was going to miss this. The last year had spoiled him, given him the false hope that they would always be together. How many moments like this one was he going to miss out on?

"Daddy, how do you like to eat pizza?" Ashley asked, breaking into his thoughts.

He smiled and took a slice for himself out of the box. "Any way that doesn't involve a knife and fork."

* * *

After dinner, the kids resumed their card game, with Rachel watching/refereeing. Tom used the distraction as an opportunity to pull his father aside and tell him what was about to happen with the ship in the morning. Jed took the news a lot better than Tom was expecting Rachel or his children to. He promised that he would help them however they needed.

By the time the men went back into the room, the kids were starting to look sleepy and were snapping at each other a bit. "I think you two are done for the night," Jed told his grandchildren. "Clean up and say goodnight."

"I don't want to go," Sam whined as Ashley started collecting their cards.

"It definitely sounds like it's bedtime," Tom told his son. He picked the nine-year-old up in a hug. "Behave yourself for Grandpop and we'll see you in the morning, okay?"

Sam heaved a sigh. "Okay. Night, Daddy."

The siblings also said goodbye to Rachel before Jed took them back to the ship. Once Tom and Rachel were alone, he could see her walls quickly start to rise again. She'd allowed herself a bit of happiness with the children but now… Now it was just he and she and the giant pink elephant in the room.

Rachel had noticed when Tom and Jed left the room and figured that they'd been talking about her. She was starting to feel like a specimen under a microscope and hated it. How long would it take for things to go back to how they'd been before? Was it even possible anymore?

"I need to talk to you," Tom told her as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Rachel assumed he wanted to continue their discussion from before he'd been called away that morning. "It's fine," she replied, turning onto her side and facing away from him. "Don't worry."

Tom took her hand, twining their fingers together. "I'll always worry about you," he softly promised, "Because I love you."

Rachel didn't respond. She didn't feel like she deserved his gentle, patient affection. How could he forgive her when she couldn't forgive herself?

It was the second time in two days that those three little words had been met with silence, and Tom realized they had something more important to deal with than his impending departure. He slipped his shoes off and laid down behind her on the bed, gently wrapping his arm around her waist. "I love you, Rachel," he whispered before placing a soft kiss behind her ear.

Her body shook as a sob escaped, despite her best attempts to hold it in. "Don't," she whispered, trying to pull away.

The word was like a knife in his heart. "No, baby, don't do that. You don't have to deal with this on your own."

"But it was me," she murmured as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I-I..."

"You didn't do anything," Tom promised. "It's not your fault, Rachel. It wasn't you. It just happened." There had been so much in the last year that was simply out of their control. This was one more in a long list of terrible things that couldn't be undone and just had to be accepted. "There is nothing that can change how much I love you."

At that moment, the dam broke and her sobs couldn't be stifled. Rachel had tried to keep everything inside, but she just couldn't do it anymore. It felt like she was drowning. She wasn't accustomed to failing at things, big or small. This... this was too big to stand. "I didn't... I didn't know how much I wanted it... until it was too late." Her voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper.

Tom pulled her closer against his strong frame as he felt his own tears start to fall. They had to face this, no matter how much it hurt. "Me, too, honey," he whispered into her hair. "Me, too."

"I wish I'd known," she whimpered. "It would have been different." She'd accomplished so much in her life, but a family was still an unfulfilled goal. If she hadn't taken on so much, if she'd relied on someone else to help her, maybe she could have still had that dream growing inside of her.

"You can't know that, Rach. There may not have been anything that anyone could do. But we can get through this, okay? I swear to you, we're going to be okay. You hear me?"

She slowly nodded before turning over and wrapping her arms around him. So often - too often - the people she counted on had let her down. But this was different. Tom wasn't like anyone else. Their life wasn't like anything she'd experienced before. She had faith in the fact that they could take on whatever came their way together. "I love you," she whispered against his shoulder, and meant it with every fiber of her being.

Her tears soaked into the front of his uniform shirt, but Tom didn't care. He kissed her forehead and cradled her closer against him. "I know, babe. I love you so much. It's going to be okay."

He held her until she'd cried herself out, gently combing his fingers through her hair and rubbing her back. Rachel eventually drifted off to sleep to the sound of Tom's voice soothingly whispering in her ear. Nowhere had felt more secure for a very long time.

* * *

 **TBC...**


	10. Out of Time

**CHAPTER TEN: OUT OF TIME**

When Rachel woke up in the morning, it took her a long minute to remember where she was. The medical center, she finally realized, not Tom's berth on the ship. She could feel his body spooned behind hers, his arm draped over her waist, and she was infinitely grateful that he'd stayed the night with her. He'd obviously gotten up at some point, since his work uniform shirt was hanging over the back of the chair beside her bed. But he hadn't left her there alone. For the first time, she started to believe that maybe they really would be okay. She was beginning to feel more normal than she had since first waking up in Portsmouth. She was still anxious to get back to her life on the _Nathan James_ , but it felt more like moving on than escaping.

Rachel tried to be quiet and not disturb Tom as she slipped out of bed, but she felt his arm tighten around her as she started to sit up. "Where are you going?" he sleepily wondered, his eyes still closed. In that moment, the fearsome captain was like an innocent little boy clutching his favorite teddy bear. Rachel loved him even more.

"Nowhere," she replied, relaxing into his embrace. "Good morning."

"Good morning. How are you feeling?"

"Better with you here." Rachel rolled over and gave him a gentle kiss. Tom's eyes finally opened.

"Definitely looks like you're feeling better," he softly commented with a smile.

She returned it, realizing that - for the first time in days - the expression didn't seem forced. She felt at peace as she stared into the endless blue depths of his eyes. "Thank you."

Tom's brow furrowed in confusion. "For what?" he wondered.

"Loving me. Not giving up on me."

He smiled. "You don't ever have to thank me for either one of those."

"I'm not perfect," she softly admitted, "But I'll always try my best for you."

He felt a flash of remorse at that. They were barely wading out of one crisis and another loomed on the horizon. Rachel still didn't know that she wouldn't be returning to the ship, that the place she called home was about to sail away without her in a few short hours. Was that really doing his best for her? "I-I'm trying to do the same," he replied. Hopefully she'd still believe him once she knew the whole story.

Before he could say anything else, Rachel gave him a brief kiss and then once again moved to get up. "I'll be right back," she told Tom as she headed for the bathroom. "I'm going home today, yes?"

All he could do was nod; he'd promised that he would get her out of the hospital, and a deal was a deal. However, the home she'd be going to would be wholly unfamiliar. "Yeah," he managed to say, worry gnawing at his gut. It was just before 0700 hours and his time was running out.

* * *

Tom lost his only chance to talk to Rachel alone when Ashley and Sam got dropped off at the medical center while she was washing up and getting dressed. The night before, he'd made the plan with his father that the children would come have breakfast with him and Rachel so they could hear about the ship's departure and say goodbye. Now... none of them knew the truth yet. Tom was certain that his kids had noticed the ship's preparations to leave port, they just had no idea that they wouldn't be onboard when it did. Tom didn't like how this was ending up, but there was nothing he could do about it now. It felt like he was in a car driving 100mph and there were no brakes.

Rachel got a few last reminders from her doctor before being discharged. Tom had a small white SUV waiting for them when they walked outside; he helped Rachel into the front seat while the kids climbed in the back.

"Let's go!" Sam cried as they all buckled up.

Tom started driving through the base, and could tell the instant that Rachel realized they weren't headed to the pier. She perked up slightly, looking out the window and curiously trying to figure out what was going on.

"Where are we going?" she finally asked. He didn't respond. "Tom?"

"There's Ava's house!" Ashley called out as she spotted where her friend lived. Tom stopped the car at the curb.

"Do you guys want to go say hi?" he asked the kids. They scrambled out of the backseat and ran up to the front door.

Once they were alone, Rachel turned to Tom. She could sense that there was more to this detour than a quick visit to an old friend. "What's going on?" she wondered.

Tom took a deep breath to steel himself. "We need to talk." He pulled the key out of the ignition and handed her the ring. Besides the key for the car, there was also one for a front door.

"What is this?"

Tom pointed out the open window beside her. "The house next door is ours."

Rachel frowned slightly. "We don't need a house."

"There are two bedrooms for the kids," he continued, "And a room in the basement for my father."

"We don't need a house," Rachel repeated, her voice rising in pitch as her concern grew.

"The car is ours, too, although you already know about the fuel restrictions on base. Only drive it when you really need it."

"Tom, I don't understand."

He kept going; he had to get this all out. There wasn't any more time to put it off or think of a better way. "I think I've taken care of everything. They know the kids will be joining the school, and I've got grocery rations and utilities set up." He'd been very busy the previous afternoon once he'd finished checking on his ship.

"I don't understand," Rachel desperately tried again. "We're about to go back to the ship, aren't we? We're leaving port... aren't we?" Silence lingered for a long moment as he struggled with the hardest part. "Tom?"

"I'm leaving," he finally told her. "You and the kids and my dad... you're not."

Rachel was speechless at first. She had to remind herself to breathe. "But... What..." And then, terribly suddenly, the look in her eyes changed. "How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you known?! How long have you been lying to me?!" Her mind was racing. He'd said so many wonderful things the night before, exactly what she'd needed to hear. Now it felt so hollow. He'd known all along that she would be alone, and he hadn't told her.

"I wasn't lying to you."

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "No?"

"No! I just... I have my orders."

"Orders?"

He nodded. "From the Admiral. From this point on, there won't be any civilians living on the ship."

She glared. "And you're always such a bloody good little soldier, right? To hell with everything else."

Tom sighed. How could he make her understand? "Admiral Williams never wanted you onboard," he revealed, knowing that would be news to her. Rachel's eyebrows knitted in confusion. "I fought him on it before, but... Rach, you almost died." Trying to make normal lives on the ship wasn't fair. If it had taken them a couple more hours to get to port, he would have lost her. The risk was too great.

Complete shock registered across Rachel's face. "So this is because of me?" she wondered, her voice rising to another octave. "It's my fault?!"

"No, that's not what I meant - "

He was interrupted as the back door opened; Ashley and Sam had returned to the car. "Daddy, why's Katie here, too?" the elder of the pair wondered.

"She was crying," Sam added.

Tom rubbed a hand over his face; this was not going well. He stepped out of the car and came around to the passenger side so he could talk with his kids face-to-face. Rachel remained near-motionless in her seat. "Katie is probably upset because she had to say goodbye to her dad," Tom explained. "And I'm going to be leaving this morning, too."

"Leaving where?" Sam wondered. "You won't be on the ship anymore?"

"No, I will. But you guys are going to live here at the base with Rachel and Grandpop. That house right there is ours." He pointed it out for them.

Sam's lower lip trembled. "I don't want you to go," he told his father.

"I know, buddy. I don't want to leave you, either, but this is what's safest for you. I could never forgive myself if any of you were hurt because I'd kept you on the ship."

"When will you be back?" Sam wondered.

"I'm not too sure, but it should be soon. Maybe a month or two, for now. I've been gone a lot longer than that before, right? This won't be too bad."

Sam gave his father a hug as Ashley finally spoke up. "Unless you don't come back," she bitterly pointed out.

"I'm coming back, Ash."

"You said that you were always going to take care of us," she retorted, "And now you're leaving. Why should I believe you?!"

Tom had known this was coming, but that didn't make it any easier. Ashley had always hated watching him deploy. She had not been a happy camper when he'd left for the _Nathan James_ ' original mission to the Arctic. "Honey, this is the best way I know how to take care of you. You'll be safe here, I promise."

She shook her head. "I don't want to be safe. I want to be with you!"

Tom wrapped an arm around his daughter, too. "I know, sweetheart. I'm sorry." They'd all gotten very used to this new way of life, being together all the time. In hindsight, he should have prepared them for the possibility that it wouldn't last, even as he hoped that it would. "I need you guys to behave yourselves, okay?" he quietly told his children. "Be the amazing and wonderful kids you are. Listen to Rachel and Grandpop, help out around the house, and work hard in school. Can you do that for me?" Sam nodded against his shoulder, but his daughter didn't respond. She pulled free from his embrace and darted away towards the house. "Ashley!" Tom called after her.

Before he could follow, Rachel put a hand on his arm. "I'll get her," she said as she got out of the car. "You have a ship to be getting back to, don't you, Captain?" Her voice was a cold monotone; she felt like a marionette puppet with all the strings cut. After everything that they'd been through that week, she had absolutely no energy left to fight with him. If he was really leaving them, then she just wanted him gone. Prolonging it wouldn't help.

Tom hesitated. "I can't..." How could he just leave when everything was such a mess? "I... I'm doing this because I love you. I love you all too much to risk your lives just because I want to be together all the time. I should have told you earlier, but..." He took a deep breath. "I have spent my entire adult life saying goodbye to my family. It never gets any easier. Never."

Rachel didn't respond or look at him for a long moment. She didn't feel much like family right then. She felt like jettisoned cargo. "Goodbye, Captain."

Tom reached into the pocket of his shirt and retrieved some folded pieces of paper. "Here," he told Rachel as he handed them to her. "I know you're angry, just promise me you'll read this."

She accepted the papers with a slight nod before walking away. Sam gave his father one last hug. "Bye, Daddy," he told him, then followed Rachel.

Tom just watched them go. He had a long, lonely walk to the pier ahead of him and a lot to think about.

* * *

Rachel and Sam found Ashley in the backyard of their new home. She was sitting under a large maple tree, angrily wiping her tears away. It was a futile endeavor; new ones fell just as soon as her cheeks were dry.

Sam sat down next to his sister. "Don't worry, Daddy's been deployed lots of times. He always comes back," he tried to comfort her.

Ashley glared at him. "This is NOT like every other time! We have no idea what's going to happen. The last time he left, everyone got sick and Mom died!"

"This is not like then," Rachel told her as she gingerly knelt down in the grass, being careful not to reopen her incisions. "The base is safe and well-supplied. We'll be okay here."

"We were fine on the ship!" Ashley protested. "We were fine all together. But now he's leaving us. Again. He always leaves us for the Navy. I hate it and I hate him!"

"No, you don't, luv," Rachel gently corrected her. "You don't hate your father; you love him very much. You're just not happy with him at the moment... I'm not very happy with him, either."

Ashley didn't respond for a long moment. "Do we really have to stay here now?" she softly wondered. Sam also looked at their new guardian expectantly.

Rachel Scott was a woman accustomed to eventually getting her way. With enough time and arguing, usually people came around to her point of view or they caved in just to make her stop fighting them. She'd been fighting so hard for so long. She'd fought to have her mission, then she'd fought to find the cure. Fought Baltimore. Fought for the world. Fought for Tom's recovery. Fought for her own. God, she was tired. What was she even fighting for anymore? Wouldn't giving in, giving up be easier?

"I think we do," she answered the children. They both looked down at the ground in resignation and Rachel felt compelled to try sugar coating the truth a bit. If this was their new reality, things would go a lot more smoothly if they tried to make the best of it. "But this is just another adventure," she explained. "This house is our new home base for exploring the area. You know, if your father could find pizza around here, I bet that we can find some ice cream..."

Sam cracked a smile. "I like ice cream."

"I like it, too. What about you, Ashley?"

She had been staring down at her shoes, but eventually looked up and gave a half-hearted nod. "Yeah."

"Good. So that shall be our first treasure to find. But I think we need to settle in at our home base first. What do you say? Want to go see what it looks like?" Sam took her hand as he stood up. Ashley only hesitated a moment before doing the same, and together they went to start their new adventure.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N:** I know Ashley's reaction was very different from that in Season 2; that wasn't an accident. I think in the show, the kids were already very used to their father being gone. In this universe, they've gotten to be with him and form a different type of relationship. So, Tom's in the doghouse with all the women in his family.


	11. Starting Over

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: STARTING OVER**

The house was a simple, two-story Colonial covered in gray shingles and with a single car garage on the side. As they walked through the front door, they found three duffel bags sitting on the floor in the entry; Rachel assumed that they held their belongings from the ship. The main floor was comprised of the living room to the left of the door plus the dining room and kitchen at the back of the house. The rooms were furnished, though sparsely: the living room had a couch, chaise lounge, and desk; the dining room contained a wooden table with a matching bench on either side; and the bright and airy kitchen still boasted a complete set of appliances. The walls were bare, but Rachel thought the stone fireplace in the living room and the weathered oak flooring throughout gave the place character.

In the backyard, a concrete patio stretched across the back of the house; French doors in both the dining room and kitchen led outside and let in copious amounts of light. Climbing plants grew across the white pergola that stood over the patio; a few late-season flowers poked out from the greenery. Rachel wondered how difficult it would be to hang a swing from that maple tree they'd sat under earlier; she figured the children would probably like that.

"I'm going upstairs!" Sam declared as he headed back toward the front of the house. The staircase was to the right of the front door and Ashley and Rachel followed him up it.

The siblings' shared bathroom was at the top of the stairs, and they were very excited to find that they each got their own bedroom. They'd been living in the same room for over a year since fleeing their home in Norfolk, but now they happily accepted their privacy back. Both rooms were painted light grey with white furniture and multiple windows looking out on the street. As Sam and Ashley began to show each other every little detail, comparing which room was better, Rachel stepped away to see her own accommodations.

The master bed and bathrooms were on the back side of the house. The king-size bed had been made with crisp white sheets and a silver comforter. A tall dresser was against one wall and a soft chair sat in the corner. The windows were each framed by sheer white drapes. It was a beautiful room, but it all just felt so strange. The bed was huge for only one person; she was accustomed to sharing just a full-size. Only one of the twin sinks in the bathroom would soon be cluttered with items. Only half of the closet would be filled. The house could have been perfect if it was THEIRS, but instead it seemed so empty since, right now, it was only hers.

As she sat down on the edge of the bed, Rachel remembered the papers that Tom had given her earlier. There were three folded sheets, each with his easily recognizable scrawl on the front. Two were addressed to his children, and the third was for her. She set aside Sam and Ashley's letters to give to them later and unfolded her own.

 _ **Tonight, you fell asleep in my arms, and I wish I could hold onto you forever. The**_

 _ **only way I can leave is because I believe in my heart that you will be safer. The**_

 _ **only thing I want in life is what's best for you and the kids. I hope you**_

 _ **believe that, and believe that I will be coming back to you.**_

 _ **I love you**_

Rachel crumpled the paper in her fist. There were no words that would fix this right now. She wasn't sure what would fix this. It seemed like a toss-up whether the urge to cry or scream would win out. Why couldn't he have just told her the truth? Would it really have hurt any more than this?

"Rachel!" Sam called from down the hall. "Grandpop's here! And he's got food!"

She wiped her face and tamped her emotions back down. "I'll be right there," she called back. Rachel nearly threw her letter in the wastebasket, but something made her stop. She slowly uncrumpled the paper and stared at it for a long moment before folding it in half and slipping it into the drawer in the nightstand.

* * *

Early in the afternoon, all the former residents of the _Nathan James_ gathered at the Chandler house. Kara Foster arrived first with her baby daughter. Despite the fact that she wasn't a civilian, Kara had been pulled from active duty so that little Chloe would have someone to take care of her in Portsmouth. Rachel could imagine that if the admiral had had a problem with a civilian scientist being on the ship, he must have nearly had an aneurism over the fact that there was an infant onboard.

Next to arrive was Kelly Tophet, with her daughter and Katie Slattery in tow. Ava immediately headed upstairs to hang out with Ashley and Sam, who were unpacking their belongings. Katie, however, clung to Kelly like a lifeline as they all sat at the dining room table. The twelve-year-old was utterly silent and sucked her thumb like a baby as she leaned against her new guardian's shoulder. When Rachel set some glasses of water down on the table, Katie flinched at the sound as though there'd been a gunshot.

"You're okay, darling," Kelly told her in a low voice, gently playing with her light brown hair. "You're safe and everything's fine." Katie gave no outward sign that she'd heard her.

"Has she been like this all day?" Rachel quietly wondered.

Kelly shook her head. "No. She sat in a corner and cried all morning." Sadly, that would have been preferable over her current state. "When I told the girls that we were coming over here, she started off holding my hand and now..." Now, Katie was stuck to her like glue and obviously regressing.

Rachel sighed as she sat down beside them. It was clear that Katie was dealing with deep trauma and her heart ached for the fragile girl. She'd suffered through so much that year - running from her home, watching her family die around her, and now being left behind by her only remaining relative. Mike had made sure that she would be well cared for in his absence, but apparently this was the proverbial straw that had broken the camel's back. "I think there's a psychiatrist on staff at the medical center," Rachel pointed out. "I'm not sure if he has much experience with children, but..."

Kelly nodded. "If this doesn't get better, I'll talk to him. I'm hoping that if I can convince her she's not alone, she'll start opening up."

The doorbell rang, causing Katie to flinch once again. Kelly held her a little closer as Rachel started to go get the door. "Stop," Jed told her as he came out of the kitchen. "You're supposed to be taking it easy. Does 'surgery' ring any bells?"

Rachel rolled her eyes; she wasn't exactly happy with his role in recent events. It was clear that Jed had known the ship was leaving and hadn't told her. He didn't agree with how his son had handled the situation, but that hadn't changed anything. However, Rachel obligingly sat back down and let Jed go get the door. He returned a minute later with Bertrise.

"This is a beautiful house," the teen told her mentor.

"Thank you, luv. I think it was selected more for location than style, but I like it, too." Despite her anger at Tom, Rachel was grateful he'd ensured that she and Kelly would be able to support each other and share the work of caring for the four children. "You're welcome to stay here, too," she offered. "We'll find the space." Bertrise had been assigned to live at the barracks across base.

She shook her head. "No, I like where I am. My roommate is really nice." They each had their own bedroom with a shared kitchen and bathroom.

Jed returned from the kitchen with water glasses for himself and Bertrise. "Where are you staying?" he asked Kara.

"A house a couple blocks over. It's not quite feeling like home yet, but it's four sturdy walls and a roof." She was trying to swallow her anger about leaving her job and remind herself it was the best thing for her daughter. She and Danny had been allowed to decide for themselves who would stay and who would go, but since three-and-a-half-month-old Chloe was still nursing, it wasn't really a choice. On the _Nathan James_ , Kara had gone back to limited duty three days after her daughter was born because she knew how important it was to have everyone pulling their weight. Now, she felt like she'd abandoned her post.

"I know you're a very capable young woman," Jed told her, "But if you ever need an extra pair of hands or help with a hammer or wrench, don't hesitate to come find me."

Kara nodded. "Thank you."

"The most important thing is that we look out for each other," Rachel told them all. "We may not still be on the ship, but we are still a community."

* * *

As the _Nathan James_ sailed north along the Maine coast, Tom stood out on the bridge wing, watching the waves and lost in thought. They'd left port exactly on schedule, and everything was happening exactly as planned. The bridge behind him was full of members of his crew, attending to their duties. All was right with the destroyer, and everything was wrong with her captain. He knew that he had to put his family situation out of his mind, but that was easier said than done.

The hatch behind him opened, and Mike joined his captain outside. "We're making good time," he commented.

Tom nodded. "Yeah." His gaze turned back south, and his XO noticed.

"Thinking about home?"

"Do we even have a home anymore?" Tom wondered.

Mike nodded. "Wherever our families are."

He could definitely get behind that idea. "I messed up, Mike. I don't think there is a right way to leave them, but I sure picked a wrong one. I was just trying… I hoped we could just deal with one crisis at a time. I didn't tell Rachel and the kids until this morning."

"Oh, jeez. Although I'm not sure how much difference it would have made," Mike commented as he leaned against the rail. "I told Katie last night. She got real quiet, but I thought she was okay. And then this morning…" He blew out a large breath. "I'd never seen her like that in her life. She was just crying and screaming for me..." Mike shook his head slightly, as if attempting to dismiss the memory. "I almost didn't join you this morning. Giving her to Kelly was the hardest thing I've ever done."

Tom didn't want to imagine that scene. "I'm sorry."

Mike looked him in the eye. "I'm not. As hard as it was to leave her, I know I'd feel worse later knowing I could have made a better future for her and didn't. Hopefully, someday, she'll be able to understand." There were a lot of things that he hoped his daughter would someday forgive him for. Guilt still lingered about his wife and other children's deaths.

Tom nodded; he felt the same way about his own children. "Yeah, hopefully… Faster we get done up here, the faster we get back, right?"

Mike smiled. "Aye, sir."

* * *

Later that afternoon, after Bertrise, Kara, and Kelly had gone home and Jed was in the basement unpacking his things, Rachel was the only one on the main level of the house when the doorbell rang. "I've got it," she called down the steps as she walked from the kitchen to the entry.

To her great surprise, she found Tex standing out on the front step. "Hey," he greeted her. "Heard you ended up in this part of town."

"What are you still doing here?" Rachel wondered as she let him in. "I'd thought you would have hit the road as soon as possible." She had the bitter thought that leaving seemed to be the one thing that the men in her life were good at. Tom, her former fiance, her father...

Tex shrugged. "It's not all bad here. Close to the water, and at least the power's coming from a traditional fuel source." Energy use was restricted on base, but at least they had electricity - and it wasn't generated by burning bodies. "I dunno; thought I might stick around for a bit. So if you need anything..."

Rachel was instantly suspicious. There was no real reason for him to stay in Portsmouth, unless... "Did Tom put you up to this?"

Tex scratched the back of his neck, trying and failing to look innocent. "Uh, I don't know what you mean."

"Of course he did," she muttered, rolling her eyes. "He told you that the ship was leaving and asked you to look out for us. Didn't he?" _Everyone in the world knew except for me and the kids_ , she thought to herself.

Tex wasn't going to lie to her. "He's just trying to make sure you're safe."

Rachel glared. "I've heard that far too many times today already." Everybody apparently knew better than her what was best for her. "We are perfectly fine here without your assistance, so feel free to continue on your way to wherever you'd like to go."

"I don't have anywhere else I need to be," he tried one more time.

Rachel opened the door, indicating he should use it. "Well, I don't need you to be here."

Tex nodded. "Yes, ma'am," he told her as he headed back outside. "But I did give the commodore my word, so I guess I'll be seeing you around town."

* * *

 **TBC...**


	12. Afraid

**CHAPTER TWELVE: AFRAID**

That night, Rachel tried to make dinner for the family. It was strange not to have the galley to rely on; she hadn't had to cook since leaving for the Arctic almost a year and a half earlier.

"What are you making?" Ashley wondered as she came in the kitchen.

"Fish," Rachel replied. Seafood would never be in short supply in that coastal area. The base got the fresh catch from the town of Portsmouth across the river, plus meat, dairy, and produce from a couple local farms that were still running. Food was brought to a 'market' of sorts a couple times a week for residents to pick up whatever they needed.

Ashley frowned slightly as she looked in the pan on the stove. "What did you do to it?" she wondered.

"Attempted to cook it..." But Rachel could see that she must have had the heat too high; the filet was starting to burn. She pulled the pan from over the burner. "I have more," she told Ashley. "I'll start over. How do you like your room?"

Ashley shrugged noncommittally. "It's nice. I like my bed and desk."

"It looked like a good place for your jewelry... or for homework," Rachel added with a smile.

She sighed, not thrilled with that last part. "Yeah, I guess."

"What's Sam up to?"

"Playing cards with Grandpop... Is something burning?"

Rachel turned to look at the stove. "No, I shut it off... Oh!" She opened the oven door and a small cloud of smoke escaped. A pan with baked potatoes looked pretty much unsalvageable. To add insult to injury, the smoke detector then started going off.

Ashley went to open the back door and let some air in, while Rachel threw the pan in the sink with a heavy sigh. What was she doing? The enormity of the challenge that Tom had left her with - suddenly being responsible for two other human beings - was slowly sinking in and starting to feel terrifying. There were so many things she knew nothing about, so many things she'd never done before. What had made either her or Tom think that she was capable of being a parent? The events of the last week seemed to be direct evidence to the contrary.

The noise from the alarm drew Sam and Jed up from the basement. "Everyone okay in here?" Jed wondered as he waved a hand back and forth in front of the smoke detector.

Rachel nodded, frustrated and embarrassed. "We're fine. I'm sorry; I never was the greatest cook and apparently I'm very out of practice."

Jed took in the ruined dishes as the beeping finally stopped. "I see."

"What are we going to eat?" Sam wondered, concern all over his face as though he thought they'd now starve.

"Well, how about we make our favorite pick-me-up meal?" Jed suggested.

"Pancakes for dinner?" Ashley asked. It had been a special treat during the months when they'd lived at his cabin.

"Exactly! I'll whip up some batter. Rachel, you shouldn't be on your feet, anyway."

"I'm fine," she protested, but Jed led her to a seat at the counter.

"Sit," he firmly told her. She could be mad at him all she wanted, but he was still going to look out for her. "Sammy, can you get out a couple eggs and the butter? Ashley, find me some flour and salt. Let's get this pancake factory rolling!"

Rachel watched as the kids happily followed his orders, feeling like a useless bystander. How was she supposed to do this? The changes they were all dealing with were huge, and Rachel felt off-balance and ill-prepared - two things she definitely wasn't used to. Being a friend and confidant was one thing; taking care of the children was something else. She loved Ashley and Sam dearly, but wondered if maybe they'd be better off just left with Jed.

"You want a Mickey Mouse pancake, Rachel?" Ashley asked, pulling her from her thoughts. The kids were pouring out the batter into fun and creative shapes.

"Um, no thank you, luv."

"How about a heart?" Sam persisted.

"I'm not very hungry, actually."

Jed looked her over, concerned. "You feeling okay?"

Rachel shrugged. "Perhaps you're right and I've overdone it."

He hadn't thought he'd ever hear her admit that. The last thing Jed wanted was to have to take Rachel back to the medical center that night. "Why don't you go lay down for a bit?"

She nodded. "Yes, I think I will."

* * *

Rachel was quiet the rest of the evening. She didn't end up eating anything other than tea and toast, and Jed handled getting the kids to bed. She tried to force smiles at all the appropriate times to keep them from being too concerned about her, but she knew Jed was concerned. Rachel was thankful that he didn't try too hard to get her to talk; he simply let her retreat to her bedroom for the night.

Just after 1AM, she was awakened by a quiet knock on her door. "Rachel?" Ashley's voice came from the hall.

She sat up slightly, looking across the moonlit room. "Come in, luv," she called. The door opened and Ashley ran over, her eyes wide with fright. "Are you okay?"

The young girl shook her head vehemently. "Daddy's not coming back."

Rachel lifted the edge of the blanket, inviting Ashley to lay down with her. "Of course he is," she replied as she wrapped an arm around the young girl.

"No, he's not. I saw it. Th-there was a flag and a coffin... Daddy died."

"It was just a dream, darling," Rachel promised, smoothing her hair back. "Your father will move heaven and earth to get back to you."

Ashley sniffled. "I'm scared," she whispered.

Rachel laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I'll let you in on a secret. I am, too."

"Of something happening to Daddy?"

She shook her head. "Mostly of something happening to you or your brother. I'm scared that I can't take care of you."

Ashley thought about that for a long minute. "We'll be good," she promised. "We don't mean to be trouble."

Rachel held her close. "You're already truly wonderful. I just... I want to do the right things for you, but I'm not sure what they are."

"Pancakes for dinner every night," Ashley decided. "And no homework, ever."

Rachel smiled. "Neither one of those things sound like very good ideas to me." They both giggled softly.

"It's okay if everything's not perfect," Ashley assured her as she fought a yawn. "Maybe we can all take care of each other?"

"Maybe…" Rachel was used to perfection. She'd demanded it of herself for years. She was used to situations where there was a right or wrong answer. An exam question. A test in the lab. The cure. The idea that children were nothing but gray areas was intimidating. "Do you want to sleep in here tonight?" she asked, and Ashley nodded, her eyes already closing. Rachel was about to join her in going back to sleep when there was another quiet knock on the door.

"Rachel?" Sam asked. "Are you awake?"

A small smile crossed her face; of course he was up now, too. "Yes, luv, come in."

Sam looked surprised to see his sister when he opened the door, but that didn't deter him from running around the bed and laying down on Rachel's other side. "I couldn't sleep," he whispered.

"Why not?" she quietly asked.

Sam just shrugged at first, but then relented. "I didn't like being in the dark."

That was a surprise; Rachel couldn't remember him ever being afraid of the dark before. "You were okay in your room on the ship," she pointed out.

"Yeah... but now I don't know what's out there."

Rachel smiled sympathetically; she could understand that. His brand new room was still unfamiliar and therefore unsettling. "I can try to find a little light for you."

Sam gave her some phenomenal puppy-dog eyes. "Can I just stay here with you?"

She smiled and wrapped an arm around him. "Of course. I don't think any of us really wanted to be alone tonight."

Both children cuddled up with her, resting their heads against her shoulders. "Love you," they sleepily whispered with closed eyes.

Rachel smiled. "I love you, too."

"I'm glad... you're... with us," Sam murmured as he drifted off.

Tears pricked at her eyes. Their unremitting affection and freely-given trust made her heart swell. This was the essence of family - no matter how bad it got or how much she tried to distance herself, they were still there, wanting and needing her. Making this work would take some effort and some luck, and there was going to be a steep initial learning curve, but it would be worth it. Things didn't have to come easy when the rewards were this good.

 **~ % ~**

As Rachel fell asleep thinking of what she'd gained, Tom was awake in his bed thinking of what he'd left behind. He lay on his back, holding a picture of Rachel and the children from the beginning of the summer. It had been a Father's Day surprise, along with breakfast in bed. Their faces beamed at him from the paper, with a lovely day on the ocean as a background. Tom slowly traced a finger over each of their faces, wishing he could actually touch them. He wondered how they were faring, what they thought of the house, or what they'd had for dinner? Most importantly, were they okay?

For some reason - actually, for several reasons - it hadn't been this hard to leave in a very long time. At the moment he felt like a puzzle piece that was missing from the full picture.

* * *

Ashley and Sam started school the following morning. It was a quick adjustment, but there was no real reason for them to stay home. Hopefully keeping busy would keep them happy and from missing their other life too much.

"I don't have anything to wear," Ashley complained as she came downstairs in pajamas. Rachel was standing in the kitchen, pouring bowls of cereal for them - one meal she knew she could successfully make.

"What about your turquoise shirt?" she suggested. Ashley shook her head. "The purple one?"

"No."

"Your yellow sundress?"

She shook her head again. "It's too cold."

Rachel smiled; she had a feeling Ashley was going to be interesting to deal with as a teenager. "Well, luv, you do have options. You just have to pick one." Ashley heaved a sigh, but headed back upstairs. She passed Sam as he came in the kitchen.

"Morning, Rachel," he greeted her. He was already dressed in jeans and a green shirt.

"Morning, luv. How did you sleep?"

"Okay. When do we get our things for school?" They didn't have backpacks, notebooks, or most of the other standard supplies yet.

"Well, Mrs. Tophet said you can borrow some of Ava's extra things for today, and I'll work on getting your supplies, okay?"

Sam nodded. "Can you get me an Iron Man backpack? That's what I had at home."

Rachel smiled. "I make no promises, but I'll see what I can do."

Sam grinned. "I'm glad we're going to real school again." Back in Norfolk, he'd just finished second grade when the Red Flu struck. He'd spent his third grade year on the _Nathan James_ , and as much as he loved his grandfather, it just hadn't been the same.

"I'm happy for you, too." Rachel told him with a smile. "You'll get to make new friends and learn new things - "

"And have a real playground!" Sam interrupted.

Rachel laughed. "We didn't do too badly with what we had on the ship," she protested.

He thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah..." Sam wrapped his arm around her waist and leaned against her. "I'll miss you and Grandpop," he softly admitted.

Rachel dropped a kiss on top of his head. There had been a lot of changes in a very short amount of time. Hopefully now they could start to find stability. "I'll miss you, too. But I can't wait to hear all about your day when you get back, alright?" Sam nodded.

* * *

Jed and Rachel walked Sam and Ashley to school and made sure they met their new teachers. The school's attendance definitely wasn't at pre-Red Flu levels, but they had separate classes for different age groups and ran from 8:30 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon. It was as close to life before the virus as they could get.

Afterwards, Rachel began to realize she had no idea what to do with herself during the day. The only thing she HAD to do that day was meet up with Kelly to shop for the kids' school supplies. As nice as a little vacation from responsibilities sounded, she was used to having a purpose, something to work towards. She felt a bit lost without that.

"What do I do now?" she asked Kelly as they walked together to the market on base. It had been set up after the Red Flu as a place that residents could get anything they needed, from food to tools. Kelly normally spent her days working there, but was taking some time off to be with Katie. The traumatized and clingy young girl had not started school that morning with Ashley, Sam, and Ava; she still remained firmly attached to her guardian's side.

"Well, what do you want to do?" the other Brit wondered.

"I don't know... But I don't think I can just sit home and knit."

Kelly laughed at that mental picture. "Not exactly your style."

"Maybe I'll go see how the base's production facility is doing," Rachel finally decided. A large storage warehouse had been converted with whatever equipment they could get their hands on into a production facility where hundreds of doses of the cure were made each day. They didn't have a lot in the way of personnel, but they'd been managing. Rachel had originally wanted to keep some distance from her work for a little bit, fearing it would only fuel her bitterness about being stuck at the base, but she couldn't imagine what else she'd do with herself.

Kelly smiled. "You'll be running the place by the end of the day," she teased.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N:** Just want to reassure everybody - I'm not trying to turn Tom into the bad guy. I don't think I've got any bad guys in this, really. People make less than optimal decisions for what they think are good reasons. The things that 'Scotch' have to work through will make them even stronger together in the end.


	13. One Step Forward, One Step Back

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN: ONE STEP FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK**

Upon her arrival at the base's lab that afternoon, Rachel was encouraged to see that things did appear to be very orderly. Just under two dozen people were hard at work at various stations. The facility's director and another man were at a conference table, pouring over maps.

"How are things going, gentlemen?" Rachel asked as she joined them.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Scott," the director, Dr. Warren greeted her. "I'd heard you'd be in the area for a bit."

She forced her smile to remain in place. "It's very impressive what you've managed to do from here," Rachel complimented him.

"It's your work that started all of it," he countered. "And now..." He gestured toward the map of North America that was on the table. Black dots marked their other production sites: a Naval air station in Key West, an Air Force base just outside of Colorado Springs, and a Navy base in San Diego. Green dots marked other towns and communities that they'd reached with the cure. The last time Rachel had seen that map, there had been a lot less ink on the paper. It brought a lump to her throat to know how much good had been done.

"That's incredible," she breathed.

"We need a new map, actually," the other scientist told her. "Our newest production site at Elmendorf should be online in a week." The current map only showed the continental United States; there was no marker for the Air Force base near Anchorage. "Alaska might actually end up being one of the most populous states in the country; isolation saved many communities."

Dr. Warren smiled. "They'll give us a jumping off point to be able to reach Asia for the first time. So you can see we're not succumbing to this virus without a fight. Infection rates in the regions around the production centers are almost zero."

"That's very encouraging," Rachel replied.

"Our work isn't done yet. I assume you'll be joining our efforts?"

She nodded. "If you'll have me."

There was no way they'd say no, of course. Over the next couple of days, Rachel began to feel like she was getting back to a normal routine. Life in Portsmouth wasn't the same as life on the ship, of course, but she started to settle in.

* * *

On Friday afternoon, Kelly and Rachel were waiting for the children outside of the school when the final bell rang. Ashley and Sam had gotten through the whole week, but this was Katie's first full day of classes. She was still quiet and clingy, and Kelly had been contacted to pick her up before lunch the previous day. But Katie had bravely agreed to try again and now had made it through the whole day. The women smiled when they saw the four kids come through the door, the girls all holding hands.

"Hi, Rachel!" Sam cried as he ran to get a hug.

"Hi, luv. How was your day?"

"Good."

As soon as Katie saw Kelly, she attached herself to her side. Apparently seven hours was the limit of how long she could stand being separated from her guardian. Kelly kissed the young girl's forehead as she gave her a hug. "I'm very proud of you, sweetheart. How was school?" Katie just shrugged.

"One boy called her stupid 'cause she won't talk," Ava softly reported to her mother. "Sammy kicked him in the shin."

"What?" Rachel exclaimed, looking down at him.

Sam didn't appear the least bit remorseful. "I didn't even get in trouble," he informed her with a proud smile. "The teacher didn't see."

Rachel inwardly groaned. "Sticking up for your friends is a noble thing," she replied, "But fighting is never a solution."

He pouted. "But - "

"No, buts, Sam. There are plenty of other ways to deal with issues."

The little boy heaved a sigh. "Fine."

"How come you're here?" Ashley asked Rachel and Kelly. The kids had been walking home by themselves after school since Rachel had been working.

"You mean you're not happy to see us?" Kelly teased her, exaggeratedly pretending to take offense.

Ashley smiled. "No, I am!"

"Good. We have a surprise for you," Kelly replied, "To celebrate the end of your first week of school."

"We're going on a little expedition," Rachel added. "Would anyone be interested in trying to find some ice cream?"

"Me!" Ashley, Ava, and Sam immediately exclaimed.

The women smiled. "All right, let's go!"

* * *

They dropped off the kids' backpacks and lunch boxes and then headed to Kittery. The weather was so gorgeous, they didn't even mind having to walk. The sky was clear blue with plenty of sunshine and a light cool breeze. The leaves were about to start changing colors in a week or so. After spending so many months at sea, the foliage around them seemed even more beautiful.

When they arrived at the town's only remaining restaurant, a little brown building named TJ's Grill, the kids immediately walked up to the counter.

"Do you have ice cream?" Sam asked the middle-aged woman at the register. Rachel stifled a laugh; Sam was to-the-point and didn't have a shy bone in his body.

The lady at the counter smiled at the kids. "Well, hello there. Today's your lucky day."

The kids eyes lit up. "You do?" Ava asked.

She nodded. "That's our Friday afternoon special, and we still have some left. We make it here ourselves."

"Do you have waffle cones?" Sam wondered.

"I'm sorry, we don't. But we have chocolate sauce and sprinkles. Does that sound good?" They nodded.

Vanilla was the only flavor for their ice cream, but nobody minded. Ava and Ashley got little bowls with both toppings, while Sam stuck to just chocolate sauce.

"What would you like, honey?" the owner asked Katie. She didn't answer, eyes trained on the floor. Ava squeezed her hand.

"She'll take one with just sprinkles," Ashley spoke up for her friend. That was what Katie had always gotten when they were growing up together in Norfolk. The children had just allowed Katie to be, protecting her when necessary and being her voice as needed. They all hoped they could help her get better.

They got a table outside to enjoy the weather while they ate their ice cream. Sam ended up with chocolate sauce all around his mouth, and insisted on only using his tongue to clean it off. Ava and Ashley giggled madly as they watched, and Rachel swore she saw Katie crack a smile, too.

"The Four Musketeers, together again," she commented to Kelly.

Once they had finished eating, Ashley and Ava went to collect some wildflowers from the open grass across the street. A tactical team from the base walked past, and Rachel recognized Tex among them. He tipped his hat to her and smiled at the girls as he stopped by them.

"Afternoon, ladies," he greeted Ava and Ashley as his comrades continued on their way back to the base without him.

"Hi, Mr. Tex," Ashley replied.

He laughed. "I told you before to drop that mister stuff, didn't I? What are y'all doing?"

"We came to get ice cream," Ava told him.

"I see. Was it any good?"

The girls nodded. "Really good."

He followed them back over to the table where Rachel, Kelly, Katie, and Sam were sitting. "You're still here," Rachel commented to him.

"Toldja I would be."

"Are you going to be a soldier now?" Sam wondered.

"Meh. I'm just helping out. We were doing a little training."

"Sounds fun," the little boy commented. "What's our next adventure going to be, Rachel?" He liked the idea that life was now a scavenger hunt.

"I don't know... What else do you miss from before?" The kids shrugged.

"TV?" Ashley suggested.

Rachel laughed. "Unfortunately I don't think there's much we can do about that." Nothing was being broadcast anymore. A couple radio stations occasionally announced news, but that was it.

"Maybe there's a movie theater," Sam pointed out.

"Or you could set up your own," Tex proposed. "Y'all have a TV, don't you? Just need some DVDs and a player."

Rachel had to admit that it wasn't a bad plan. They did have a TV in their living room, although it was basically just a piece of decor since there weren't any operating stations. But bringing movies home was an option. She could picture the four children sacked out on the floor for a sleepover, watching something together. "Okay. That will be our next challenge. And maybe we can find some popcorn, too."

The children began excitedly talking about what movies they wanted to find. Tex smiled at Rachel. "How have you been doing?" he wondered.

"Fine," she curtly replied.

"Glad to hear it. Was worried you were still mad at me, but I'm sure that's not the case, right?" He gave a knowing grin.

Rachel sighed. "No, I'm not mad at you. I know none of this was your doing." He was an easy target, but not the right one to take her frustrations out on.

Tex's smile widened. "Good. Well, I think I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead and head home for a shower. Y'all enjoy your afternoon." He winked and headed off.

Rachel noticed that Kelly was giving her a Look. "What?" she asked.

"I'm sure there's a fascinating story there," the blonde assumed.

"I've told you: nothing's ever happened between us."

"But not for lack of trying?"

Rachel looked away, focusing on the children. "He's a good man, and a friend. That's all."

Ashley and Ava had tied the stems of their flowers together into wreaths. They each wore one on their heads, and Ava was working on a third for Katie. Sam dodged his sister as she tried to put a flower in his hair, too.

"No, no!" he protested. "I'm not a girl!"

"Leave your poor brother alone, luv," Rachel told Ashley with a laugh. Sam was incredibly outnumbered at the moment.

Ashley grinned. "Do you want one?" she asked her guardian, gesturing to the wreath in her hair.

"Sure. They're lovely."

Ava put a chain of little white and blue flowers on Katie's head, smiling at her friend. "You look pretty," she told her.

"Thank you," the young girl spoke up in a tiny voice. If you weren't paying attention, you would have missed it. It was the first thing anyone had heard her say in days, and Ava wrapped an arm around her shoulders in a hug.

"You're welcome."

Katie shyly looked away, but didn't resist as the three girls became a knot of happy hugs. Rachel and Kelly shared a smile. It appeared they were making some progress - slowly, but still better than nothing.

* * *

Jed had started helping out with the efforts to gather and organize supplies for the base's residents and vessels. It made him feel productive and had an advantage of letting him keep tabs on Portsmouth's ships. On Monday evening, he came home with a bit of news for his family.

"Apparently they got the hardware for the satellite feed back online," he told them as they ate dinner. Getting their pre-Red Flu infrastructure working again had been no small challenge. "And they're letting people around the base communicate with the ships. A guy was saying he'd had a video call with his wife on one of the Coast Guard cutters last night."

Sam's eyes lit up. "You mean, we can talk to Daddy?"

"I don't see why not," Jed replied. "I started trying to get it arranged; I'll find out more tomorrow."

 **~ % ~**

In the end, the request was approved. There was a schedule to get on, since the satellite resources were limited, but making a call once a week or so was better than nothing. Rachel passed the information on to Kelly so that Katie would also be able to talk to her father. Hopefully that would do a world of good for the still-hurting young girl.

As their designated call time approached, Rachel set up her laptop on the desk in the living room. Sam eagerly sat before the screen, barely able to keep still, while Ashley was more reserved. Rachel knew that she desperately missed her father, but was also still upset with him for leaving them. She could empathize with the young girl and was also struggling with whether or not she was ready to talk to Tom. If she looked at the situation objectively, Rachel could understand that he'd believed keeping her in the dark was a way of protecting her - why make her worry about the what ifs? But as a result, she and the kids had been left wholly unprepared for his departure. And as the person who had been hurt... it had been a bad choice.

When the call connected, Rachel decided to step aside, out of view. The children needed their time with their father, she told herself. His focus should be on them, not on her. But the truth was that she wasn't prepared to face him. There was too much emotion that she didn't want to start trying to deal with in front of a young audience.

"Hey, guys," Tom greeted his kids with a big smile. "You look great; I'm so happy to see you."

"Hi, Dad," Sam told him. "Where are you?"

"Prince Edward Island. You know where that is?" They shook their heads. "Canada, northeast of you. See if Rachel or Grandpop can find you a map."

"Okay."

"How are you doing, Ash?" he asked his daughter, noticing that she was quiet. "Did you get a haircut?"

She nodded. "Just a little."

"Looks good. Although you're always beautiful to me." She blushed slightly. "Where's Rachel?" Tom wondered. He'd longed to see her just as much as his kids.

Ashley looked up at her, but Rachel shook her head slightly, hoping that they wouldn't reveal her presence. She felt bad asking the children to lie; she should have left the room once the call connected. They didn't deserve to get pulled into the middle.

"She's... not here," Ashley lamely told her father.

Sam was totally oblivious. "What are you talking about?" he asked his sister. "She's right - ow!" he cried when Ashley kicked him under the desk.

Tom could easily deduce what was going on and his heart sank. The fact that Rachel didn't want to talk to him meant he'd really and truly screwed things up. A fear rose in him that maybe she wouldn't even want to stay once he returned to port. Was their relationship over? Had he completely ruined it?

"Can you tell her something for me?" he asked the kids, playing along with the lie. "Tell her I love her very much and... and I'm sorry."

Ashley glanced up at Rachel again; the scientist's eyes were shining with tears. "We'll tell her," she promised.

"Why are you sorry, Daddy?" Sam wondered.

"Because he left," Ashley snapped at him. She had not yet forgiven their father, even if she did miss him.

Tom sighed. "That's the simplest answer, yeah." There was so much more to say, but he wasn't going to let his children be the go-betweens. He'd said what was most important. "I really wish that I could still be there with you guys."

"Me, too," Sam agreed.

"Just remember - I'm closer to coming home than the last time I saw you, right?" That phrase was something their mother had come up with years ago; the kids seemed to take comfort in it.

Sam nodded. "Right." Ashley didn't respond.

"How's school going?" Tom changed the subject. "We've still got a few minutes; I want to hear all about it."

"I'm in the fourth grade," Sam told his father. "And Ashley's in seventh. But it's not like it was back at home. There's only enough teachers for every few grades, so we do things together. I'm doing super good at geography," he added. "'Cause Grandpop already taught us. But I still don't like math."

Tom chuckled. "You're still trying your best, though, right?"

Sam shrugged. "Yeah, I guess..."

"What about you, Ash? What's your favorite subject so far?"

Ashley looked down at her hands; no one knew it yet, but she was honestly struggling in school and disliked it more than her brother. "Recess."

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N: OMG, guys, that finale! I think everyone can agree that cliffhangers suck, but are also like crack for fanfic writers ;-) I've got a new story in the works that will be post-Season 2. Hopefully I'll be able to start posting soon, but in the meantime, I'll be continuing this fic. As always, I love to hear what you think!**


	14. Trouble

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN: TROUBLE**

A couple weeks went by, and they found a routine. Rachel and Bertrise spent their days working at the base's lab, helping with production of the cure and analyzing samples to track the virus. Jed joined Kelly in assisting the teams that collected and distributed food and other supplies to keep the base running. The kids began to adjust to being at a real school again - or at least Rachel thought they were adjusting.

When she came home one evening, Jed was making dinner and the kids were doing homework at the dining room table. "Hey, luvs," she greeted them.

"Ashley got a note from her teacher," Sam immediately ratted his sister out. She smacked him in the shoulder. "Ow!"

"A note about what?" Rachel wondered. "And you know you shouldn't hit him."

"Sorry," Ashley mumbled.

"Thank you. What's this note about?"

She refused to look up. "It's nothing."

Rachel glanced over to Jed, who shook his head. "Come with me, luv," she told Ashley. They stepped away into the living room. "What happened? Can I see the note, please?"

Ashley retrieved the folded paper from her backpack and handed it over. "Sorry, my teacher didn't know," she stated.

Rachel didn't understand what she was talking about until she saw that the front was addressed to 'Mrs. Chandler.' Apparently the children's home situation wasn't common knowledge. "That's alright." She unfolded the paper and read the teacher's concerns. Ashley just stood there in silence, waiting to be reprimanded. "You haven't been completing your assignments?" Rachel asked. The teacher wanted to have a meeting about it.

The young girl looked away. "Sometimes."

"Why not?" she wondered. Ashley just shrugged. "That's not an answer, luv. What's going on?"

"I hate school," she declared.

"You hate spinach, too, but that doesn't mean it isn't good for you."

"I want to go back to doing school with Grandpop," Ashley requested.

"He and I - and your father - think that you can learn a lot more at a regular school."

"No, I can't. I'm too stupid."

Rachel caressed her cheek. "Oh, darling, you are not stupid."

"Yes, I am! I don't understand things like everybody else. I've never been good at school. Back at home, my mom would help me, but now... I'm just stupid."

"Everyone learns in their own way, luv. But that doesn't make them stupid. Do you know who Thomas Edison is?"

She nodded. "Yes. He made the lightbulb."

"Among other things. Did you know that he had serious difficulties in school? He didn't learn to read until he was your age. But he did learn. Not giving up is the only way you can discover what your true potential is."

"What if I don't have any?" Ashley quietly wondered.

Rachel smiled. "I think you have great potential... Why didn't you ask for help?"

Ashley didn't respond at first. Rachel was the smartest person she'd ever known - she'd discovered the cure, for Pete's sake. How could she admit to someone like that her troubles with simple math and reading assignments? "I just couldn't," Ashley finally whispered.

Rachel was taken aback. Was she really that unapproachable? "This is what I'm here for, luv. O-or your grandfather, if you don't want to talk to me. Part of growing up is learning to recognize when you need help and being strong enough to ask for it. There's no shame in needing help, because everyone has strengths and weaknesses."

"Like you and cooking?" Ashley realized.

Rachel laughed lightly. "Exactly. I'm doing better now, aren't I?"

She nodded. "Yeah, you're learning."

"Thank you. So... you'll go to someone when you need help with school?"

"I guess."

"Do you promise, luv? We can't help if we don't know you're having problems."

Ashley nodded. "I promise."

"Good. Now, shall we go see how dinner is coming?" She started to get up and head for the kitchen, but Ashley grabbed her hand.

"Hey, Rachel?"

"Yes, luv?"

"Did you mind? That my teacher called you Mrs. Chandler, I mean."

Rachel shook her head. "She just didn't know, I gather. I'll explain it when I talk with her." Ashley slowly nodded. "I'm sorry if it upset you." The last thing Rachel wanted was for the kids to think she was trying to usurp their mother's role in their lives.

Ashley shook her head. "I don't mind when people think you're my mom... Sometimes I don't correct them," she admitted.

Rachel sat back down, surprised. The conversation wasn't over. "Y-you don't?"

"Yeah... And if you were our mom, then you couldn't decide to leave us," Ashley pointed out.

"Darling, I'm not going anywhere." Rachel was confused; where was this coming from?

"Even if you're really mad at Daddy?" she wondered. "We don't want you to go."

Rachel sighed; they never should have gotten the kids in the middle of their issues. A bad situation was just getting worse. "Just because you're really upset with someone doesn't mean you stop loving them. There are things your father and I have to resolve, but... There's nowhere I'd rather be than here with you and your brother."

"Promise?" Ashley wondered, searching for extra reassurance.

Rachel smiled. "Cross my heart." And at the same time, she promised herself that she'd be present the next time the kids had a video call with Tom. When she'd first been left in town, she'd wondered what there was for her to fight for anymore. The answer, she was discovering, was their family. They needed to start putting the pieces back together again.

* * *

The following day, on the _Nathan James_ , Tom enjoyed a few minutes in the wardroom to get a cup of coffee and breathe. Things in Canada had been challenging. Some hadn't been too trusting of a foreign warship that suddenly showed up on their shore, and then they'd gotten caught in the middle between two little survivor camps that were willing to kill each other in their desperation to get supplies. They'd unfortunately had a casualty from the crew in the fight. On top of that, in the quiet moments, Tom was still struggling with what had happened back in Portsmouth.

Mike sat down in the chair beside his CO with his own mug of coffee. "Morning, sir."

"Morning. How are you holding up?"

The other man shrugged. "Could use some sleep, but what else is new?"

Tom nodded. "Copy and concur. You talked to Katie recently?"

"Yeah, a couple days ago. Although I did most of the talking. Never seen her so quiet. I couldn't tell if she's mad at me or what, but... I can't wait to get back to her, try to undo some damage."

"Yeah…" Tom agreed with a sigh, "I'm hoping the damage I've done with Rachel is undoable."

Mike frowned. "She's still mad you didn't tell her you were leaving?"

"It's more complicated than that." He hesitated for a moment, unsure if he was willing to explain further. Rachel hadn't wanted anyone to know what had caused them to make the run to Portsmouth in the first place, but Tom needed someone to talk to. He couldn't keep this inside any longer. "It's not just that I left her, or that I didn't tell her. I left her at the worst possible time."

"I don't understand."

Tom blew out a breath. "She had a miscarriage. That's what almost killed her. There was an infection, and the bleeding just wouldn't stop."

"Holy shit..." Mike muttered.

"We didn't even know she was pregnant until it was already over," Tom quietly revealed. He suddenly pounded his fist on the table. "Damnit, if only we'd known."

"You don't know there's anything that could have been done."

Tom gave him a small, grim smile. "That's the same line I peddled on Rachel."

"It's the truth."

"Yeah, well, knowing the truth doesn't change anything."

Mike shook his head. "No, it sure as hell doesn't. But you gotta cut yourself some slack."

He sighed. "All I was worried about was Rachel. I couldn't stand to see the pain she was going through."

"I get that. But, who was worrying about you?"

Tom sniffed. "I told myself I was fine."

"Are you?"

He was silent for a long moment. And then, finally, he shook his head. "We lost a baby."

Mike put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, man."

"And I feel like an ass crying about it; I still have so much." The friend he was currently complaining to had lost two children and his wife.

"Nobody's cornered the market on pain," Mike countered. "You don't need anyone else's permission to grieve."

Tom took a deep breath. He still couldn't allow himself to fall apart, but having someone else who knew the real story helped. He didn't feel quite so alone. "I told Rachel that we'd get through this together, and then I lied to her and left her."

"You didn't have a choice in the matter. She's gotta understand that."

"You think that's going to make her feel better?"

"Mmm. Point taken. But at least she knew you were making an effort. We could have left before you even got that far. She knows you love her."

"I hope so... But is that enough? This isn't how I thought things would go." After a moment of thought, he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled something out. "Maybe I've been holding onto this too long." He placed the object on the table - an engagement ring. A white-gold band came to an elegant scroll around a single, brilliant diamond.

Mike whistled low. "That's a nice one."

"I've had it for a few months. Been trying to figure out when to ask her. I love her so much; I want the rest of my life to be with her. All I can hope is that she still wants the same."

"She will," Mike tried to reassure him.

Tom shook his head. "I'm worried now that she's seen what life with me is like, that she won't want this future."

Mike pursed his lips, deep in thought. "You know, when I proposed to Christine, I took the ring to show my mother first. Just to get her opinion. She took a look, and then said that I was going to need a much bigger rock if the trade was agreeing to put up with me for the rest of her life." His face broke into a grin.

Tom couldn't help a smile, either. "Are you trying to tell me I need a bigger rock?"

"I don't think a woman will ever say the diamond is too big. And I know from personal experience that you're... a challenge."

"Watch it," Tom told him. However, his smile softened the reprimand.

Mike laughed. "But I am certain that Rachel is tough enough to handle you, to stick with you. Be honest with her; tell her everything about how you feel, and you'll both work it all out."

Tom slowly nodded. "If I can get her to talk to me."

At that moment, the hatch opened and Alicia Granderson came in. "Excuse me, sirs," she greeted her COs. "I'm sorry to interrupt."

"What is it, Lieutenant?" Mike asked.

"New weather report is in; we have a problem approaching."

* * *

At Portsmouth, Rachel was in a meeting with some of the top officers from the base. They'd been working recently to make sure everyone in New England had access to the cure and the resources to allow their communities to survive.

"We just had a team come back from the Greenwood area. The folks there are relocating further south to join with the survivors in Bridgton," one sailor reported. A marker was removed from the map before them.

"We got word in this morning from Andover; they found an isolated camp on the south shore of Upper Richardson Lake. They have at least one unconfirmed case of the virus."

Rachel looked up. They'd been working so hard to keep the Red Flu from continuing to spread, but obviously they hadn't been entirely successful. "We need to get a team there immediately."

The commander leading the meeting nodded. "How many of them are there?"

"Approximately 60 was the report."

The door opened and a young sailor came in. He handed the commander a slip of paper. The older man's expression turned stormy as he read it. "How long would you estimate they have?" he asked Rachel.

"If they're already showing symptoms… a couple days at most. Less for children or the elderly. Why? A team can leave today."

"I'm recalling all of our field teams. The weather center thinks we've got a hurricane on the way." It was rare for one to get so far north, but it could definitely still do some damage. They were at risk from flooding and high winds.

"Commander Riley, there are lives at stake," Rachel argued.

"We've got lives at stake here, too. Apparently it's tracking east of here, so hopefully by tomorrow afternoon it'll have blown past and we can send a team."

"Tomorrow afternoon may be too late. We don't know long ago these people were infected. We could leave right now and get out ahead of the storm."

He raised an eyebrow. "We? Are you volunteering?"

Rachel barely hesitated before nodding. She hadn't left the area around the base since arriving, but was willing to put herself at risk if it would help others. She knew that Tom would absolutely hate this idea if he was there, and for some reason that made her a little more determined. He WASN'T there, and he couldn't do a single thing to stop her. "Yes, I am. Just one team, Commander, please."

He thought about it for a moment, and finally nodded. "Fine. But only if you're rolling within the hour."

* * *

 **TBC...**


	15. The Storm

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN: THE STORM**

Rachel couldn't ignore the worried looks on Sam and Ashley's faces as they stood in the doorway to her bedroom and watched her hastily pack a backpack with clothes and a few other supplies.

"Don't go," Sam pleaded.

"It's just one night, luv." Due to the road conditions, it would take several hours to reach the town, and then they wouldn't return to the base until the following day.

"But why do YOU have to go?" Ashley wondered. The children hadn't been without her for a single night since they arrived in Portsmouth and obviously weren't happy with the idea.

"There are people who need our help. You'll be fine here with your grandfather."

The children wrapped their arms around her, and Rachel hugged them both close. "You have to promise to be careful," Ashley told her. "Mom wasn't careful enough."

Rachel suddenly realized what was fueling their fears. At one point, Jed had shared the basic details of how Darien had ended up infected. Now that they thought of the base as being their safe haven, everything else was a dangerous unknown. The children had every right to be afraid; nothing was simple in this new world.

"I'm going to be fine, luvs. I will be very careful, I promise. And I'll have soldiers with me to protect me. I'll see you tomorrow."

 **~ % ~**

Rachel knew that she was being rather cavalier with her safety, but she didn't let herself slow down enough to reconsider. They hadn't been given much time to get going, if this mission was going to happen. The team assembled at the production facility; Rachel watched as a medical case was loaded onto the bed of a modified pickup truck.

"How many doses is that?" she asked Dr. Talbot, one of the other scientists from the base who was also planning to go on the op.

"A hundred," he replied. "That should be more than enough." Rachel nodded.

A couple sailors jumped up into the back of the truck, too, and started accepting gear to be stowed from their compatriots. They were also taking along general medical supplies, plus food for themselves, equipment to make camp for the night, and weapons to defend themselves.

"Everyone accounted for?" the Lieutenant leading the group called out. Rachel hadn't worked with him directly until now, but she had heard good things about the team. They got things done, which was exactly what she was looking for.

"Got room for one more?" someone asked. Rachel turned around to see Tex approaching, a pack on his shoulder.

Lieutenant Wahl nodded. "As long as you don't mind getting a little wet." Most of the team would be riding in the open back of the truck.

Tex grinned. "I ain't made of sugar; I won't melt."

Rachel raised an eyebrow as he approached the truck to hand his bag up. "What are you doing?" she wondered.

"I could give you some B.S. about wanting to see the countryside, but we both know I'm here because you're here."

"I don't need a nanny."

"Good, because I'd make a piss poor Mary Poppins," he replied with a laugh. "But I am gonna watch your back."

"Dr. Scott?" a young sailor asked. He was holding open the rear door to the truck's cab for her. No one expected her to sit exposed to the elements.

Tex grinned. "Go on, Doc. Let's get this little road trip going." With a sigh, she climbed inside along with Dr. Talbot, the Lieutenant, and the driver.

Tex joined the other half dozen sailors that were crowded into the back of the truck. One of them slapped the top of the cab once they were all settled. "Let's go!" he called.

Rachel watched out the window as they drove through the base, through Kittery, and into what was - at least for her - uncharted territory. A little bit of apprehension gnawed at her stomach, but she tried to ignore it. This mission was important, and she was the one who had asked for it.

* * *

By early the next morning, the crew of the Nathan James was trying to pack up and get out of dodge before the storm got really bad. The outer bands of the Category 1 hurricane were already dumping rain on them. Tom felt they were better off trying to circle around the storm at sea than getting pounded by waves near the shore.

"What's our status?" he asked the Officer of the Deck as he came on the bridge after making a visit to engineering.

"All teams are back onboard," Alicia Grandson reported. "RHIBs are being recovered right now."

"Good. Any update on the forecast?" She turned to get a report for him and handed it over. Tom's eyebrows knitted at he read through it. "Shit," he muttered.

"What?" Mike asked.

"METOC thinks the storm is going more toward the west. Jet stream must have shifted."

"That's good news for us, isn't it?" his XO wondered. Nobody had been looking forward to trying to dodge the storm. "Where's it making landfall instead?"

Tom looked up from the paper in his hand. "Maine."

 **~ % ~**

Rachel's mission had been wholly successful; they'd gotten to the remote camp in time to prevent any deaths. As the team tried to pack up their camp and head back south to the base, the rain was absolutely pouring down. It made everything more difficult; their boots started to sink into the mud and their clothes were soaking wet, despite having ponchos. Rachel was in a barely-standing shack, examining a woman and her daughter when Lieutenant Wahl came in.

"You about ready, Doc?" he wondered. He lingered by the door, trying not to drip all over their meager home.

Rachel nodded. "Just a few minutes." The lieutenant left, and she turned back to her patients. "You're looking much better," she commented to the little girl with a friendly smile. The child had been far enough gone when they arrived the night before that Rachel hadn't been sure if she would survive. But the bright-eyed six year old had somehow made it. She was lethargic as her body fought to recover, but still alive.

"Thanks to you," her mother commented. She'd also been infected, but was bouncing back well.

Rachel smiled. "Make sure she gets plenty of water. And both of you could use some rest. Stay out of the storm; she doesn't need to catch a cold, too."

She nodded. "We'll be okay now."

Outside, the sailors had strung a tarp between the fenced sides of the pickup truck. It wasn't much, but they hoped it would help keep them a little drier on the way back.

"Nobody said the storm would be this bad," one young member of the team commented to his buddy. They were out of communication with Portsmouth and had no idea that the hurricane had shifted.

"Quit whining and load that case," Wahl ordered as he passed by, pointing to a box of supplies. "If I can handle a little rain, so can you."

"You're riding in the back with us, LT?" One sailor wondered.

Wahl nodded. He was the kind of leader that wouldn't ask his people to do something he wouldn't do himself. He reminded Rachel of another noble Navy officer. "Sure. Anybody want the golden ticket to ride inside the truck?" he asked his team. They all kept their mouths shut. "Alright, then. Honor goes to the new guy."

Rachel glanced over at Tex. "I'm fine in the back, Lieutenant," he protested. Tex was always eager to help and never wanted any special favors. It had let him fit in well so far.

Wahl nodded. "Glad to hear it. Now get in the cab, we're all getting soaked out here standing around talking." He'd made a decision and that's what they were doing. End of story.

Rachel climbed in the back of the cab with Dr. Talbot. Tex sat up front with the driver, and turned to give her a little smile as the engine was started. "Next time you decide to go on a little adventure," he told her, "Can you pick someplace tropical?"

* * *

Back in Portsmouth, the storm was raging. It was the middle of the day, but almost dark as night outside. As Jed cleaned up the remnants from lunch, Sam huddled in the corner of the kitchen. He nervously glanced outside each time the wind slammed against the house, making it creak and groan.

"Everything's fine, Sammy."

"Are you sure?" he timidly wondered, looking upward as the house shifted slightly again.

"Give me those forks, hmm?" Jed requested, pointing to the table. Sam went to get them so they could get washed. "Where's your sister? Did she pick out a movie yet?" He was trying his best to keep the children distracted. They only had a handful of DVDs to choose from, but Jed had promised the children they could each pick one to watch.

Sam shrugged. "I don't know."

Jed put the last of the silverware in the dish drain and shut off the water. "Well, let's go see." He'd figured that movies would keep the kids entertained for a while and hopefully reduce the panic level in the house.

Just as they stepped out of the kitchen, the lights flickered twice and then completely went out. The house creaked as the wind fiercely blew against it.

"Grandpop!" Ashley worriedly cried from the living room as everything went dark. Sam looked equally frightened.

"I'm sure we've got a flashlight," Jed told the kids. "Just hang on. Everybody stay calm."

Ashley got up and joined her brother; the children cowered together in the dining room as their grandfather searched the kitchen drawers.

"I'm scared," Sam whispered to her.

"I know. I am, too."

"Ah-ha!" Jed muttered when he found the flashlight. Once he'd turned it on, Ashley and Sam ran to him, tightly wrapping their arms around him. "Hey, hey, what's this about?"

"Make the storm be over," Sam begged.

"I can't, pal, but it's okay."

Ashley whimpered as the house shook and rain lashed the windows. "I wish Daddy and Rachel were here," she whined.

"Me, too," Sam added.

Jed held them close. Despite how much he loved his grandkids, and how much they'd been through together, he knew he just couldn't compare with having their father there. He felt no jealousy over the fact that they were crying for Rachel, too. She would have been wonderfully gentle and reassuring. Normally seeing the bond the kids shared with her brought him comfort. Now he was just wishing she hadn't left.

"I know, guys. Rachel will be home soon. We just have to be strong and get by until she does, okay?" They didn't seem convinced, so Jed tried to smile and keep their spirits up. "We're going to be fine," he promised. "Just fine."

* * *

The weather inland in Maine was getting pretty extreme, too. The visibility was poor as they drove back toward the base and broken branches littered the narrow road.

"Should we stop until this passes?" Dr. Talbot wondered. The team in the back was getting soaked; the tarp wasn't really helping.

The driver shook his head, concentrating hard on the abysmal view through the windshield. "LT said to just get back to base."

"It's clear the storm has shifted," Talbot persisted. "This is insane."

Rachel's gaze met Tex's. She wasn't sure what the best course of action would be, and he wasn't speaking up, either. The weather definitely was terrible, but they had no shelter out here to protect themselves if they stopped. What was the bigger risk?

A cry of, "Oh, shit," brought Rachel's attention back to the road in front of them. A tree had suddenly fallen over, blocking their path. The driver tried to slam on the brakes, but they locked up and the truck started to hydroplane. The soldiers in the back began yelling as they realized that the team was all in serious trouble.

The truck spun around sideways on the slick road, sideswiping the thick fallen tree. The driver's side windows shattered as branches punched through them. There was nothing anyone could do as the vehicle left the road and disappeared down into the ravine that ran along beside it.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N: Everybody loves cliffhangers, right? ;-) Next chapter will be up this weekend.**


	16. Aftermath

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN: AFTERMATH**

On the _Nathan James_ , the crew knew they'd dodged a bullet. However, tension lingered since they weren't sure if Portsmouth would be so lucky. The idea of losing yet another home port had everyone on edge, especially those who had family or friends at the base. As soon as they were able, they turned the ship and headed south.

By the time they reached the shipyard, it was the next morning and the storm had swept inland. Even before they got to the dock, they could see the devastation. The base was low-lying and some areas had flooded easily during the storm. The area near the docks was a mess. They could see debris from roofs, siding, and trees strewn about.

"Jeez," Mike commented as he joined Tom on the bridge wing, watching as they carefully docked. They'd feared it would be bad, and reality was living up to those fears.

"Yeah. They answer comms yet?" There hadn't been any communication with the base as they approached.

Mike nodded. "Yeah, finally. Their sat link is down. Power's out to most of the island, too."

"Did they know the storm was coming?"

"By the time they knew it was turning, it was too late to evacuate. Everyone just hunkered down."

That was what Tom had been most afraid of - the island's whole population being sitting ducks. "Casualties?"

"They're still going house to house, but none so far. Some injuries, but it looks like they got lucky. Good, thing, too, since the medical facility had a big tree go down on its transformer. They're lucky the whole place didn't burn to the ground - the rain helped put the fire out."

"Shit."

"They've got a temporary facility set up in a warehouse to treat the injured."

"Let's get Rios and anyone else with medical training to assist them. And organize teams to help with searching homes, clearing roads, and whatever else is necessary. Let them know we're ready and able to help however they need us."

Mike nodded. "Aye, sir."

* * *

Once Tom was sure his crew was busy being useful, he took a few minutes to see about his family. Ostensibly, he was going to check on the medical team and see what kind of aid the ship could provide. In actuality, he was overwhelmed by the desire to see Rachel and make sure she and his kids were okay. It seemed obvious that in the midst of a crisis, the medical facility was where she would be.

The warehouse that was standing in for the medical center was where the cure got produced; tables and cases of equipment had been pushed aside to make room for the chairs and cots that held the wounded. A couple buckets were sitting around to catch the water that had dripped from damaged spots in the roof; no one had had the time to go dump them out once the rain stopped. As Tom walked between sailors and coasties with gashes and splints, he realized that he didn't see Rachel anywhere.

"Excuse me. Have you seen Dr. Scott?" he asked one of the doctors. She shook her head. Tom looked around again, sighing in frustration; where could she be?

The only thing he could think of was to go to the house. Maybe Rachel was helping one of their neighbors? The area had already been searched, so he knew his family couldn't have been seriously hurt. There had to be a reasonable explanation.

As he approached the house, Tom noted that the car was still in the driveway. A heavy branch was resting behind it; that would need to be moved before they could go anywhere. He felt slightly awkward knocking on the door to his own house, but he didn't have a key.

Jed opened the door and just gawked when he discovered his son standing on the stoop. "What the hell are you doing here?" he wondered.

Tom rolled his eyes. "Nice to see you, too, Pop."

Ashley and Sam came running. "Daddy! Daddy!" they cried. "You're back!"

Seeing that they both appeared to be perfectly okay lifted a huge weight from his chest. "Yep, I am," he agreed as he hugged them both. "Where's Rachel?"

The children immediately sobered. "We don't know," Sam quietly admitted.

A chill like ice water went down Tom's spine. "What?" he wondered, looking to his father.

Jed sighed, knowing he was about to get his son's wrath. He seemed to keep ending up in the middle of the couple's fights. "She went out with a team - "

"She did what?!" Tom snapped. Ashley and Sam actually flinched at the sound of their father's raised voice.

"There was a town up north that needed help," Jed continued. "They needed the cure, and she went to make sure they were okay."

"When is she supposed to get back?" Tom wondered through gritted teeth.

"Yesterday afternoon," his father admitted. They'd known something was wrong, but the base didn't have the resources to do anything about it at the moment. "The storm hit bad; they must have stopped to wait it out." But that excuse seemed hollow; the team still should have been back by now. Unless they couldn't get back.

"Have they been in contact?" Tom asked.

Jed shook his head. "They were going to be out of radio range. I checked this morning, though. No one's heard anything from them directly or any of the towns along their route." If they'd stopped to wait out the storm, no one had no idea where.

Tom shook his head, barely able to contain himself. Rachel was supposed to have been safe here! He'd left her - and caused them all so much grief - so that she would be safe, and now... "How could you let her go?!" he irritatedly asked his father.

Jed raised an eyebrow. "What makes you think I was capable of stopping her?" he shot back. "Have you met her?"

"Is Rachel okay?" Sam wondered. He looked close to tears.

Tom took a deep breath, knowing he had to reel himself in for the kids' sake. "I'm sure she's fine," he assured his son. "I just have to find her." He looked down at both of the children, who were worriedly peering back. He couldn't let them go through more pain. That thought was the only thing burning through his mind as he watched their sad eyes. "I'm going to find her," he promised them.

* * *

When the truck had gone off the road, it had fallen into a rocky, tree-filled gash in the earth that at one point in history had probably had a river flowing through it. Not everyone had lived through the wild ride, and some of those who had made it were now threatened by serious injuries. They'd spent the night fighting to survive as the storm passed over.

Rachel sighed as she wiped her hands and got up from her spot beside the team's lieutenant. She'd been doing her damnedest to keep him and two other critically wounded soldiers alive through the night. Two bodies with jackets draped over their heads were on the far side of the crash site, one of them was still caught underneath the truck. The bed had landed on him when it overturned on its side. The truck's driver had been pinned when the vehicle came to a rest against a tree trunk; they hadn't been able to free his body yet to lay him with the others. No one had escaped unscathed. Rachel had a gash on her head and bruised - but probably not broken - ribs. Dr. Talbot had had a dislocated shoulder which she'd had to reset. Three soldiers had broken ankles or legs; they'd tried to jump out of the truck as it slid into the ravine, and although they were injured, they were better off than those who hadn't jumped. It had been a rough night.

"Here," Tex said as he approached Rachel, offering her a bottle of water with his uninjured right hand. His left wrist was fractured and wrapped up in a basic splint.

"How much do we have left?" she asked before taking it. Their supplies were limited, since they'd been at the end of their short trip. Those who had lost a lot of blood had a more urgent need to stay hydrated than she did.

Tex gave her a look and put the bottle in her hand. "That's yours. Drink up before you collapse." She obligingly removed the cap and took a sip. "You want a granola bar, too?" He pulled one from his vest pocket.

Rachel was about to say no when her stomach growled. She hadn't eaten in nearly 24 hours. She hadn't slept the previous night, either, and doubted she'd be able to anytime soon. Food would help her keep going. "Thank you," she sincerely told him.

Tex nodded, satisfied, and sat down on a fallen log. Rachel took a seat beside him, still keeping watch over the injured. Despite his injury, Tex had been able to help the two other soldiers capable of walking to make a little shelter for them. They'd strung up their tarp between a few trees, giving a semi-dry place to lay the most seriously wounded of the team. Most of their supplies were either damaged in the crash or soaking wet; they had little in the way of food or medicine. As Rachel took a minute to eat, looking around at the crash site was almost overwhelming. She'd been in motion nonstop since she'd regained consciousness in the overturned truck, but now it was starting to sink in. They could easily have all died. In fact, that was still a distinct possibility; they had few resources, no transportation, no communication, and no one knew where they were. They'd accomplished their mission, but at what cost?

"You okay?" Tex wondered as he realized that she was shaking. "You cold?" He futilely looked around for something dry to put over her wet shirt.

"I don't know how long we can stay here," Rachel quietly admitted. "How long we can survive here."

"Long as we have to," he replied in kind. "'Cause I assume you dislike the alternative just as much as I do." She gave a slight nod.

* * *

Back in Portsmouth, Tom gathered together a team from his crew. The situation at the base's medical facility appeared to be under control, so he was taking back everyone from his crew with medical training, except Rios. They and a few tactical operatives all geared up together deck.

"There's a team missing from the base," he explained to the group. "They've understandably got their hands full at the moment, so we're taking point for the search. They've provided ground transportation for us and their latest maps of the area. We know where the team was going; hopefully they're somewhere along the route and just had a breakdown. Most of the terrain is too rough to get our Seahawk in, but we'll have the UAV in the air to help search." Everyone was following so far, so he decided to give them a little extra motivation. "One more thing - Dr. Scott and Tex are on the missing team." That meant some of their own were lost out there. "Our mission is simple: find our people and bring them home. Understood?"

"Aye, Sir!"

Tom gave a single nod. "Let's move out."

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N: Since you guys are awesome and we've now hit the halfway mark on this story, I'm going to post an extra chapter this week to celebrate. Stay tuned!**


	17. Understanding

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: UNDERSTANDING**

 **A/N: This one gets a bit rough, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have no medical training besides webMD, so sorry if I screwed things up.**

Jed knew that Ashley and Sam were on pins and needles waiting for word from their father. He wanted to keep them busy, so sent them over to find out if the Tophets needed any assistance with repairs.

When they knocked on the front door, Kelly answered it with a smile. "Hey, guys."

"Grandpop asked us to see if you need help," Sam explained.

"He'll be over soon," Ashley added. "He's putting a board over the kitchen window."

"You guys had a broken one, too?" she wondered, and the kids nodded. "Mike's in the dining room with Katie covering up mine."

Mike had come to the Tophet house as soon as he could get a moment away from his duties, anxious to see his daughter. "Hey, Chandlers," he greeted Ashley and Sam as they came in the room. "Careful; I think I got all the broken glass up, but I'm not sure." A large branch - which was what had broken the door - was lying on the deck out back.

Katie was standing beside her father, handing him screws one by one. She followed each step he took, no matter how small, never being more than arm's reach away from him. "Is Dr. Rachel back yet?" she asked Ashley and Sam.

Ashley sadly shook her head. "No. Daddy's gone to try to find her."

Sam sighed. "I wish they were home."

"I'm sure Rachel's okay," Mike tried to reassure them. "They'll be home before you know it." He reached for another screw from his daughter, but found that she'd run out. "I'll be back in a sec, I think I saw more in the garage before."

"Wait!" Katie protested as she started to follow.

"I'll be right back, Katie-bug," Mike repeated, but she wasn't letting him out of her sight. In her haste to go after him, she tripped over a chair leg and fell to her hands and knees.

"Are you okay?" Ashley wondered, but Katie didn't seem to notice.

"Daddy, don't go," she pleaded as she picked herself up and hurried after him.

Mike turned and caught his daughter as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Are you bleeding?" he asked, believing he'd noticed something amiss. He couldn't pry her arms off, though. She had him in a death grip. "Katie, sweetheart, let go."

"Don't leave me," she begged, her voice muffled by the fact that her face was buried against her father's stomach.

Mike's heart cracked into pieces. Katie had been clingy since he returned that morning, but nothing like this. "Sweetheart, I'm right here. You're okay." He gently tried again to remove her arms, this time with success. Mike kept a hold on his daughter's hands as he stepped back and looked her over. Blood was slowly dripping from her left knee. "Oh, honey, did you land on some glass?"

Katie didn't answer. Tears were starting to spill down her cheeks. Mike lifted her into his arms and set her on the counter next to the sink. He wet a paper towel and gently wiped the blood away so he could see what he was dealing with. A small chunk of glass also fell away from her skin, landing on the floor with a quiet tinkle. He grabbed it with the paper towel and threw it away. "That probably needs some antiseptic and a band-aid," Mike commented.

Before he could even mention that he was going somewhere, Katie's fingers clenched onto his shoulders. "Don't go," she ordered.

Mike frowned. Her desperate attachment worried him. He hadn't gotten much of a chance to privately talk with Kelly about how his daughter had been while he was gone, but he suspected the answer would be: not good. What had he done to her?

"Katie, listen to me," he told her. "I love you, sweetheart. I love you so much. No matter what happens, you will never be left alone again like Deer Park." He could easily deduce what had truly started this.

She started sobbing in earnest. "I don't want you to leave me!"

"I don't want to leave you, either, honey. I've wished every day that I was with you again. But I go do my job because I love you more than life, and I want this world to someday be better for you than it is right now." He gently brushed her tears away. "You deserve that, sweetheart. You deserve a future, and I don't think I would be a very good dad if I didn't try."

Katie sniffled. "You're the best dad," she told him through her tears.

Mike cracked a smile. "Thank you, honey. I know you're afraid, but I promise you, Katie-bug, that I will always do absolutely everything in my power to come back to you. And you know I keep my promises, right?"

She slowly nodded. "Yeah."

"Can you stay here a minute with Ashley and Sammy while I find a first aid kit?"

Ashley stepped forward and put a hand on her friend's uninjured knee, reassuring her that she was right there. Katie finally nodded. "Okay."

Mike kissed her forehead. "Good. I'll be right back."

Sam started chattering on to Katie, trying to distract her, but Ashley was quiet and lost in thought. She still held some anger toward her own father for leaving. It had felt like they weren't good enough in his eyes to compete with carrying out his mission. She'd grown up with everyone always telling her how important his work was, and deep in her heart, she knew it was true. But after being together for almost a year, like never before, shouldn't his family have been important, too? Now she was starting to realize something new: Tom didn't continually keep sailing off just to be a hero for the rest of world. He wanted to be a hero for her and Sam. And that made her feel incredibly special.

* * *

Deep in the Maine woods, the situation was getting more dire. Tex was wandering between the survivors, trying to see if anyone needed anything, when he heard Rachel's frantic cries for help. He and one other sailor hurried over to where she was kneeling beside Lieutenant Wahl.

"What happened?" he asked.

"He's going into shock... He must be bleeding internally, perhaps from a liver or spleen laceration." She looked around at what supplies she had on hand and wasn't happy with what she found. The odds of killing him were just as good if not better than the odds of saving him. She didn't have sterile instruments, wouldn't be able to stitch up a large incision... but she couldn't just sit and watch.

"What do you need us to do?" the younger sailor wondered.

"Remove his shirt," Rachel requested as she went to collect what was left off their aid supplies. She felt across the Lieutenant's abdomen, trying to determine if that was where the blood was pooling. When her small blade sliced through his skin, a fountain of blood erupted. "Bloody hell..."

Tex instantly handed her the closest scrap of cloth to try to absorb the mess. The sailor looked like he was going to be sick from the sight.

"I need more," Rachel told Tex. "I have to be able to see where it's all coming from." He found a small towel, but it was wet from the rain and didn't help tremendously. Rachel nevertheless tried to widen the incision and find the source of the blood. She didn't have any other options.

"Doc, he's not breathing," Tex pointed out as he realized. Rachel reached a hand to check for the lieutenant's pulse - there wasn't one.

"Hold this," she ordered, indicating the blood-soaked cloths that were pressed against her incision. With his injured wrist, Tex wasn't the ideal choice for performing CPR, so that left it up to her. "Stay with us, Lieutenant," Rachel told her patient as she started doing chest compressions.

But after several minutes of desperately trying to save his life, there was no result. There had just been too much damage. "Rachel..." Tex gently tried to get her attention.

She ignored him. "Come on, Lieutenant. Don't quit on us yet." He'd survived too much to die this way. All any of them had been trying to do was help other people.

"Doc, he's gone." Tex laid a hand on her arm, trying to get her to stop. They had none of the supplies a hospital might have been able to use to save him. The rest of them still needed her; she couldn't exhaust herself on a lost cause.

"He's not," she argued, shrugging him off.

Tex pulled her back a little more forcefully. "He's gone," he repeated. With another tug, he got Rachel to her feet. The other sailor solemnly draped a jacket over Lieutenant Wahl's head, covering the body as best they could.

Rachel started to wipe her hair out of her face but realized at the last second that her hands were covered in blood. She stared at her trembling fingers, transfixed by the sight. Even after everything they'd been through, she still wasn't accustomed to death. She'd been a researcher before the virus, not a trauma surgeon. Her life's work had been about understanding diseases and hopefully preventing the loss of life. But this world was very different.

Tex wiped her hands clean with a random bit of cloth. Her fingers were still tinged red when he was done, but they couldn't waste drinking water on cleaning up. "You okay?" he asked.

"I don't understand why," Rachel finally spoke, her eyes glassy and staring off at nothing.

"Why what?" Tex wondered.

"Why I keep getting spared."

* * *

The search team from the _Nathan James_ rumbled through the woods in two trucks. It was slow going, with several downed trees or fallen branches in their path. Having a couple chainsaws with them came in handy more than once.

"What's the latest from the UAV?" Tom asked when he made a sat call back to the ship.

"Nothing yet. The foliage is making visual recon difficult." The trees had started to turn; the multi-colored leaves made it harder to pick out objects among the all the branches. "Just did a fly-over of their intended destination; there's no sign of them."

Tom cursed under his breath. It had been a futile hope that the missing team was just waiting out the storm with the people they'd gone to help, but he'd still been hoping for that nonetheless. There was a lot of wilderness between them and that lakeside encampment, a lot of area a search.

"Keep looking," he ordered. "We're still heading north."

* * *

Rachel's gaze wandered between the group's newest casualty and the others they'd lost. "It isn't fair," she softly told Tex.

"Life rarely is."

"There's been so much death. Senseless, needless death." Olympia in Baltimore, the Russian nuclear strike on Paris, and the enormous firestorms in London still haunted her. "So many good, brilliant, lovely people are gone... but not me. I could have... maybe should have died on the ship with my unborn child."

Tex's eyebrows rose, but he didn't say a word. He hadn't known anything about the miscarriage, but a lot of pieces suddenly fell together for him. Now, he better understood what she'd been going through over the past month.

"I could have died now," Rachel continued. "But I'm still here. People have lost their spouses, parents, children... Whole families - whole lines - wiped out as though they never existed. Why am I so special when others aren't?" She didn't have a death wish, but felt compelled to try to understand the inexplicable. Life couldn't be just sheer luck.

Tex didn't answer for a long minute, contemplating what to say. "Maybe you're not done yet," he finally suggested. "I mean, I'm not sure how much more you could contribute to the world, but..." He smiled a little. "I look forward to finding out. Or maybe there are some folks who need you. The commodore and his kids seem awful attached."

Rachel shook her head. "But they didn't need their mother?" she pointed out.

Tex sighed; she wasn't making this easy on him. "Well... She gave them life, but maybe you'll give them something else. We don't know what they're going to achieve in the future, either. Or maybe... maybe there's a little baby boy or girl that's gonna need you for a mama."

Rachel's head shot up at that, her eyes shining with unshed tears. Tex offered her a small smile. "Thank you," she whispered.

He shrugged. "What are friends for? You oughta get some rest."

She shook her head. "No, I still need to - "

"Everything's quiet for the moment," Tex cut her off. "Take advantage of it." Rachel hesitated, but finally relented and sat down against a tree to get a little nap.

* * *

As the searchers from the _Nathan James_ continued making their way north, they didn't find any sign of the missing team. The UAV hadn't found anything, either, and eventually headed back to the ship to refuel. Tom started to get anxious; they'd been missing for twenty-four hours. What if they were hurt? Was time running out?

The trucks came to a stop as they found their passage blocked. A huge tree had fallen across the road. They'd managed to cut through several smaller trees and clear their path but this one was at least five feet in diameter. Other, smaller trees were scattered about; they'd been knocked over as the largest tree fell. The road was a mess.

"This will take hours to get through," one of his sailors quietly commented, dismay plain in his voice. They didn't have hours to spare.

"Is there another route?" Tom wondered.

The sailor sitting up with the driver checked their maps, then nodded. "We'd have to go back two miles."

"Where do we get back on this road?"

"About four miles from here."

Tom grabbed his sat phone to call the ship. "This is Vulture team. The road is impassable at our current position."

"Understood. We're still tracking you."

"We're detouring to avoid. Has the UAV mapped this area? We're going to skip about four miles of the route." He wanted to make sure they wouldn't be missing anything important.

"Yes, sir. There was no sign of the missing team in the aerial surveys."

"Copy that. We'll let you know when we're back on course." Tom looked to the driver as he ended the call. "Let's get going."

 **~ % ~**

At the crash site, Rachel was back up after a very brief nap and checking on her patients. Most everyone was trying to conserve energy, but Tex and a soldier hobbling around on a rough crutch were checking through the wreck of the truck to make sure they hadn't overlooked any supplies.

They all almost missed it at first, but then a distinctive sound began to register in their minds.

"Is that an engine?"

* * *

 **TBC...**


	18. Safe

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: SAFE**

Everyone at the accident site stared at each other for a precious minute. Then two of the soldiers quickly started trying to climb the side of the ravine, using tree roots and anything else they could grab in order to scramble back up to the road. Adrenaline pushed thoughts of pain from their injuries from their minds; this might be their only chance.

Up on the road, the two search trucks did a complicated little dance as they both tried to make a u-turn on the narrow lane. As they were finally both pointed in the right direction and starting to get rolling again, there was a rustle in the bushes. A bedraggled figure suddenly stumbled into their path, and both vehicles slammed on the brakes.

"What happened?" Tom wondered from his spot in the back of the second truck's cab. He couldn't see the reason why they'd stopped.

"There's someone there..." the driver responded. "Wait, he's in digi-blues! It's them!"

All the doors on both trucks flew open. One of the medics hurried to attend to the soldier who had climbed the ravine as others started asking questions about where the rest of the team was. Gasping for breath and wincing, he pointed down the incline beside the road.

In that moment, Tom had a singular focus. He didn't see the commotion the rescue team was making. He didn't acknowledge the danger as he hurriedly slid and stumbled his way down the side of the ravine. He didn't pick up on the faces of the other survivors or the bodies draped with jackets. All he was looking for was Rachel. And when he finally found her, alive and relatively unharmed, the knot in his stomach at last began to unclench.

"Rachel," he called to her, his voice breaking with emotion. She had been sitting beside an injured man that was laying on the ground, but looked up at the sound of his voice. And then she froze. To her, the sight of him meant that they were finally safe. She didn't know why Tom was back on land or how he'd found them, but they were going to make it home.

Almost without even realizing that his feet were moving, Tom took a few quick strides toward Rachel as she slowly stood. Their eyes never left the other. "Are you okay?" Tom wondered as he took in her appearance.

Rachel flinched as he gently prodded the gash at her temple with his fingertips. "I'm fine," she softly protested. "Just a little bump on the head... We both know how hard my skull is."

He could barely smile at the joke, and she was surprised to see his eyes were wet with tears - he'd truly been scared for her.

"I'm fine," she whispered again.

"I didn't know that," he replied, his voice thick with emotion. "I didn't know if..." he couldn't finish that thought. "I love you so much."

Rachel blinked back tears. All the pain and frustration from the past month paled in comparison to the fear of never seeing him again. To know he'd been equally affected tore at her heart. "I love you, too," she quietly declared before draping her arms over his shoulders and pressing her lips to his.

Tom wrapped her up in his embrace, reveling in the feeling. "I'm sorry," he told her in a hoarse whisper when they finally broke apart.

"I know. Later." It definitely wasn't the time or place for the discussion that needed to be had.

"Of course... I want you to get checked out." He looked around for one of the medics.

For the first time, Rachel noticed the commotion surrounding them. Two members of Tom's team were loading the man that she'd just been helping onto a litter. Others were helping the walking-wounded, including Tex, make their way up the ravine. She just took it all in for a long moment.

"Rachel?" Tom's voice broke into her thoughts. "You alright?" Seeing her zone out made him wonder if she'd gotten a concussion.

She slowly nodded. "I honestly wasn't sure if we'd get out of here," she softly admitted. "I didn't know how we'd..." Her voice cracked as tears started again. "How we'd get home."

Tom hugged her close and kissed her once more. "There's nowhere on earth that you can get lost and I won't come looking for you."

* * *

They got everyone loaded into the trucks and headed back south. During the ride, Rachel felt like her seatbelt was redundant; Tom was holding onto her so securely that she barely needed it. She rested her head on his shoulder and dozed through most of the drive, knowing that he would take care of her.

It very late when they arrived back at the base. The first stop was the medical center. Rachel initially protested, but eventually caved to Tom's desire that she get a couple stitches to close the gash on her head. After she quickly checked in on the other survivors' conditions, Tom drove her home.

The clock on the dashboard showed that it was just past midnight as they parked in the driveway. Rachel took a moment to just stare up at the house once she got out of the SUV. She hadn't been certain if she would see it again. When they'd first gotten left at the base, it had just been a house, but somewhere along the way, it really had become her home.

Tom reached a hand toward her. "You okay?" he softly asked.

She twined their fingers together, letting him pull her to his side. "Yeah."

The lights were still shining on the main level, and when Tom opened the door, they could hear feet running toward them. Despite the late hour, Ashley and Sam were still awake. The pajama-clad children instantly reached for hugs from both their father and Rachel.

"You're home, you're home!" they happily cried.

"What are you monsters doing up?" Tom wondered.

Jed came out of the kitchen. "The ship notified us once you told them that you were on your way back to the base," he explained. "There was no way anyone was going to sleep after that."

"There was a really bad storm here," Sam told Rachel.

She smiled a little. "Yes, darling, I know. I was in it, too."

"That's why she didn't come home, dummy," Ashley told her little brother.

He glared at her. "I'm not dumb!"

"Don't call your brother that, luv," Rachel gently reprimanded her before Tom could. "You wouldn't like it if he said the same to you, would you?" She grudgingly shook her head. "Is everything in one piece around here?" Rachel changed the subject.

"The window in the kitchen got broken," Sam replied. "Grandpop covered it up with wood."

"Part of the roof came off our school," Ashley added. "So we don't have to go for a few days."

"I see. I'm sure you don't mind that, do you?" Rachel asked with a smile. She shook her head. "What else happened while I was gone?"

Tom listened as the kids went on and on about what got damaged and what the experience of the storm had been like. They were so easily comfortable with Rachel, even more than they'd been when he left. They'd built a life here together, without him. Previously, after returning from deployments of six to twelve months, he'd always felt a bit like an outsider with his own family. It was one thing he hated about military life, but he dealt with it. However, he'd never imagined the same would be true after only a little over a month. This was their home, not his. He'd have to work his way back into their lives.

* * *

Getting the children to bed turned out to be a challenge. Even though it was very late and they'd had a lot of excitement, neither was ready to settle down. Finally, after drinking cups of warm milk and hearing one of Rachel's stories about her childhood, they at last fell asleep. Tom carried Sam back to his own room, and then he and Rachel could head for the master bedroom.

Rachel entered first, wanting nothing more at that moment than a hot shower and a soft pillow, but she noticed when Tom hesitated in the doorway. "What is it?" she asked.

He scratched the back of his head, looking somewhat sheepish. "Well, I was just wondering if I should take the couch tonight." Tom knew her anger with him hadn't simply vanished, and he respected her enough not to try to pretend that it had.

"Is that what you want?" Rachel asked him as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

He shook his head. "No. I don't want to be away from you for a second if I don't have to be."

She was quiet for a long moment. "Are you leaving again?"

Tom looked down. He couldn't lie to her, as much as he wanted to give the answer she would have preferred. "Not tomorrow, but… eventually, yeah."

Rachel slowly nodded. "I already knew that," she revealed. "Even if I don't like it… This life - this code of honor - is part of who you are. I'm not trying to change you, Tom. You wouldn't be the man I fell in love with if I did… But we have to communicate. I will not go through that again."

He shook his head as he sat down next to her. "I know. I hate so much that I hurt you. You've proven over and over how strong you are, so seeing you so broken… it shook me to the core. I'd thought I was making a really rough situation better, but… All I can say is that I'm sorry. When the ship got back to port and you weren't here… I thought I'd lost you, and knowing how we'd parted… Jesus, Rachel, it just made me feel sick."

"I knew that you wouldn't have wanted me leaving the base," she apologetically admitted. "It was a childish bit of rebellion, I suppose. I should have thought it through more."

Her words surprised him. "I'm not trying to control you," Tom protested. "I want you to be safe, but… I've already got two kids. I want a partner. No, I want YOU as my partner," he amended that statement. "We're still working out the kinks, I guess, but getting married would mean that we're a team. And I know I don't deserve you, but I'm grateful that - so far at least - you've put up with me anyway."

Rachel slowly looked up at him. "I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself."

He frowned. "Why?"

"You said something about being married?"

Tom froze. He'd been thinking so much about asking her, about the future he hoped they'd have, that it just slipped out. This whole discussion was something he'd planned out over and over in his head while he was gone, but once the moment had actually arrived, all the plans were gone out the window. Their life couldn't be scripted out like a war games exercise.

Rachel's expression was completely unreadable; Tom had no idea what she was thinking. The conversation had started with him wondering if she even wanted to be in the same room as him that night - this was a leap they surely weren't supposed to be taking yet. "I-I meant…"

And then she let him off the hook, a little smile crossing her face. "Go on."

He let out a small, nervous chuckle. "Are you going to throw me out now if I ask?"

"Depends on how good your proposal is," she replied.

Tom reached into the front pocket of his work uniform shirt. Along with his daughter's bracelet, he'd kept Rachel's engagement ring close to his heart while he was gone. Her eyes widened as he held it up between them. "Tom…"

"I got this in Massachusetts, back in July. Every time we stopped, I tried to steal a little time away to look for a ring."

Rachel smiled. "I thought you just couldn't stand not being part of the action."

Tom shook his head. "I had a secret mission to complete. And when I found this ring, I immediately thought of you - strong and elegant. So damn beautiful, and most of the time, you don't even know it." She blushed. "I'd wanted to find a perfect moment to propose to you - find some way to prove to you how much I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. But now… now I'm realizing that that's every moment we're together. When we're happy, sad, or even screaming at each other," they both smiled at that, "I love you through it all. When I was gone, my biggest fear was that you didn't know that."

"I did," she promised. "I knew, despite everything. We had gone through… maybe the worst thing that a couple can. Despite my best attempts to push you away, you were always there. No matter how angry I got while you were gone - and I definitely was angry with you - I couldn't forget how you'd been there for me. We still have a lot to talk about, but," she gently brought her lips to meet his, "I love you, through anything and everything."

Tom smiled. "In that case," he gave her another quick kiss, then got up from the bed and dropped to one knee before her. "Rachel Scott, will you do me the incredible honor of becoming my wife?"

One tear ran down her cheek as she smiled. Neither one of them was perfect, but together they had built something she'd been searching for her whole life. "Yes."

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N: So there we go; Scotch, back together again. Hope it was worth the wait. :-)**


	19. Home

**CHAPTER NINETEEN: HOME**

Tom and Rachel didn't get much sleep that night, but that was from engaging in acts of emotional intimacy instead of physical. They stayed awake for hours, despite their mutual exhaustion, curled up on the bed softly discussing what they'd been thinking and feeling while separated. After a few hours of finally being completely honest with each other, they both felt like they'd turned over a new page in their lives. The past was the past; since it couldn't be changed, all they could do was try to learn from it and not make the same mistakes twice.

Rachel eventually dozed off, but Tom got up as the sun rose, got dressed in his uniform, and slipped out of the house. He had to wait a little bit before Admiral Williams' yeoman let him into the base commander's office, but he didn't mind. There was very little that could spoil his good mood that morning.

"What can I do for you, Captain?" the Admiral asked when Tom stood before his desk.

"I had a request for you, sir. I think my crew should spend the winter here at the base. I know we'd discussed sailing south and helping communities along the Gulf, but… my people have been on deployment for nearly a year and a half. They won't be any good to either of us if they get run into the ground. Plus, we can provide extra hands here to help with repairs and rebuilding on base."

The admiral leaned back into his chair and removed his glasses. He pressed the tip of one earpiece to his mouth as he considered his subordinate's idea. His face was expressionless, not giving anything away, and Tom tampered down the feeling that he was a midshipman again, about to get dressed down. Finally, Williams put his glasses down on his desk. "I had the same thought," he revealed.

"Sir?"

"You've all performed admirably, but no one can keep going endlessly. I'm sending the _California_ to the Gulf. We'll keep them stocked through the base at Key West, and I'm sure her commander will prefer the weather there over the weather here." The sub's leader was from Phoenix, Arizona - winters in New England were a far cry from home.

Tom blinked; had getting what he wanted for his crew really been that easy? "Thank you, sir."

Williams smiled. "No, thank you, Captain. And welcome home."

* * *

Back home, Rachel was awakened by smells of coffee and bacon permeating through the house. Downstairs, she found that Ashley and Sam had taken over the kitchen.

"What are you two up to?" she asked.

"Making a 'welcome home' breakfast," Ashley replied from her spot at the stove, scrambling eggs. "Where's Daddy?"

"He went out."

"For what?" she wondered.

"I'm not exactly sure. He left a little note that he had some 'Navy business' to take care of. But hopefully he'll be back soon. This looks delicious." A plate piled high was pancakes was waiting on the table, along with a heap of bacon.

Sam picked up a steaming mug off the counter and offered it to Rachel. "Here!" he happily cried. "Just the way you like it."

She smiled as she accepted the tea. "Thank you, luv."

Sam noticed a glinting bit of metal on her left hand. "That's pretty," he told her. "Did Ashley make it?"

Rachel laughed lightly, twisting her engagement ring around her finger. She'd spent a great deal of time staring at it the night before, but still could barely believe that it was real. "No. Your father gave it to me."

"Oh," Sam replied with a shrug.

Ashley took a look for herself after she turned around and dumped the eggs into a bowl. Unlike her little brother, she instantly understood the significance of the diamond ring. She stared at Rachel in open-mouthed shock. "Are you and Daddy getting married?"

Sam's eyes went wide. "What?"

Rachel smiled nervously; it looked like the cat was out of the bag. "That was something your father and I were going to discuss with you together."

The children weren't about to be put off that easily. "Is that a wedding ring?" Sam wondered.

"No, it's an engagement ring," Ashley told him. "It means Dad asked her to marry him and she said yes. Doesn't it?"

 _Best laid plans_ , Rachel thought to herself. "Yes, it does. But we wanted to make sure that was okay with you two - "

"Yes!" both children instantly replied.

Rachel chuckled. Despite how well she and the children had been getting along, there had been a slight fear in the back of her mind that they wouldn't agree. "Good. I was so hoping you'd say that."

Sam threw his arms around her. "This is the best morning ever!" he exclaimed. "When are you getting married? Today?"

"No, not today," she replied with a laugh as she ruffled his hair. "We're not sure when, yet, but soon." At least she hoped it would be soon; they had no idea when Tom might be leaving Portsmouth again.

Ashley paused for a long moment, seemingly lost in thought. "Are you okay, luv?" Rachel asked her.

"Yeah, I just… Well, I was thinking."

Rachel took a sip of her tea; it wasn't quite right, but it was the thought that counted. "About what?" She wondered.

"If you're going to marry our dad, then you'd be our step-mom. But I don't really like that, so… could we just call you Mom?"

Rachel froze, and nearly dropped her mug. She wasn't sure what she'd been expecting Ashley to say, but it wasn't that. "I'd never want to try to replace your mother," she promised the children.

"We know," Ashley assured her. Sam nodded in agreement. "But you'll be our second mom, now. Well, really you already are."

Rachel was speechless, trying to blink back tears as she nodded. Sam hugged her again, and Ashley came to join them. "I love you both very much," Rachel managed to choke out.

"We love you, too."

"Mom?" Sam asked, and Rachel decided she loved the sound of that.

"Yes, darling?"

"Do we have to wait for Dad before we eat?"

She laughed. "I think that would be a nice thing to do, don't you?" Sam reluctantly nodded. "Why don't you two go make your beds and hopefully he'll be back soon."

The kids headed for the staircase, leaving Rachel alone with her thoughts in the kitchen. She started trying to straighten up the mess they'd made while cooking, but was distracted contemplating their conversation. 'Mom.' Three little letters that meant so much. She was going to be a wife and mother in short order; the past day just seemed like it was out of a dream.

The door from the garage opened and Tom joined her in the kitchen. "Hey," he greeted her with a quick kiss. "This looks fantastic; I'm starving."

Rachel smiled. "Your children made it, not me."

Tom's eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

She nodded. "Your daughter is quite good. She and your father have taught me a lot."

"I see. Where are the kids?" He craned his neck, trying to see into the living room, but couldn't find any sign of them.

"Upstairs. I thought straightening their rooms would keep them busy while we waited for you. By the way… they know already."

Tom frowned, disappointed. "You told them?" He'd truly wanted to be there.

Rachel held up her left hand. "I'm sorry, my love. They saw the ring and figured it out. I should have taken it back off."

Tom shook his head. "You're never taking that off again," he told her, making her smile. "It's okay. How'd they react?"

At that moment, Sam and Ashley returned to the kitchen. "Yay, we can eat!" Sam cried. He headed straight for the table.

"Morning, Daddy," Ashley told her father as she got a pitcher of juice out of the fridge.

"Good morning, sweetheart. This all looks great."

Ashley smiled. "Thanks. Mom, can you bring the eggs?" she called over her shoulder as she made her way to the dining room.

"Sure, luv," Rachel replied.

Tom turned to her, eyes wide in surprise. "Mom?" he quietly asked.

Rachel knew that she was smiling from ear to ear, and didn't think she'd stop anytime soon. "They took the news pretty well," she answered his earlier question.

Tom laughed. "I guess so!"

* * *

After they'd finished eating and cleaning up the kitchen, the kids headed upstairs to get dressed and Tom slipped down to the basement to talk to his father. Jed was reading a book, but looked up when his son came down the stairs. "Good morning."

"Morning, Pop. You should have joined us for breakfast."

He waved a hand dismissively. "No, no, I wanted you to enjoy your first morning back together. I already ate anyway." He'd been up early and had some cereal after a walk around the neighborhood.

"All right."

"So, I'm assuming you and Rachel are doing okay?"

Tom smiled. "Yeah, you could say that… I asked her to marry me."

"About damn time!" Jed exclaimed with a laugh. "Was she crazy enough to say yes?"

"Yeah, lucky for me," Tom replied. "Not sure why, but I'm not going to question it."

Jed offered him a hand to shake. "Congratulations."

"Thanks, Pop."

"What do Ashley and Sam think? I assume you already told them?"

Tom nodded. "Yeah, they're very happy. They started calling Rachel 'Mom'."

Jed smiled. None of them wanted the kids to forget about Darien, but he was glad that they'd have someone else to love them like she had. They could have grown up fine with just their father, but Jed had had a front row seat to see how happy they were with Rachel. "That's wonderful. I'm so happy for all of you."

"You, too, Pop," Tom told him. "You're an important part of this family."

He shook his head. "I'm just a grumpy old man that helps out when needed. You and Rachel need to be able to build your life together. I've been thinking about maybe finding my own place for a little while now. No time like the present, I suppose." It had been over a year since he'd had his own space and got to keep his own schedule. As much as he loved his grandchildren, he missed that independence.

Tom was shocked. "This is still your home. We want you here; you don't have to leave."

"I know that," Jed replied with a smile. "And don't worry, I'll still help out with the kids however Rachel needs when you're at sea."

Tom grinned. "Well, that won't be a problem for a little while. Got permission this morning for the ship to winter over here in Portsmouth. So it looks like you're all stuck with me for five months or so."

Jed laughed. "Oh, now I'm definitely moving out of here."

* * *

Rachel was sitting at the desk in the living room, looking through some reports, when Tom came back upstairs. "Is your father alright?" she wondered when she saw him.

"Yeah, he's fine," he replied as he leaned against the back of the couch behind her. "Just wanted to give the four of us some time together."

"He didn't have to do that."

"I know. And he knows. It's okay. And at least I got to tell SOMEBODY our news," he teased her.

"I said that I was sorry," Rachel told him with a pout. "I didn't purposely tell the children without you."

Tom smiled. "I know. I'm just messing with you. And I know you're used to being the only parent around. It's just going to take some time to adjust to having both of us home."

Rachel raised an eyebrow. "You're going to be home for a while?" He nodded. "How long?"

"Till spring."

Her eyes lit up. "Really? You'll be here for the holidays and Sam's birthday?"

"That's the plan. And maybe we'll slip a wedding into that list of events, too?"

Rachel stood up, draped her arms over his shoulders, and kissed him until they were both breathless. "Definitely."

* * *

 **TBC...**


	20. Making Up for Lost Time

**CHAPTER TWENTY: MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME**

 **A/N: I agonized over this one for days, so please be kind! It ran away with me and ended up much longer than intended. This last part is rated M for sexual situations; if that sort of thing offends you, stop reading at '~ % ~'**

* * *

The following night, the Chandler house was full of giggles and joy. Before the ship had returned, Ashley and Sam had invited Ava and Katie over for a sleepover, and Rachel saw no reason to change plans. After the kids wore themselves out playing in leaf piles in the backyard, they settled down with movies and blankets in the living room.

Rachel was in the kitchen chatting with Bertrise when Ashley came in. "Can we have more popcorn?" she wondered, holding up an empty bowl.

"Sure, darling. I'll bring it out in a minute."

She smiled. "Thanks, Mom."

Bertrise grinned at her mentor as Ashley went back into the living room. "You look happy."

"I am happy," Rachel agreed as she started working on the popcorn. "Very happy. Now we just have to worry about you."

The teen smiled shyly. She was visiting to help calm her nerves. Later that night would be her first date with Reggie since the _Nathan James_ had left Portsmouth. They'd seen each other once the ship had returned, but they'd been trying to help clean up the base and were surrounded by other sailors. This was the first night for just them, and their first ever date off the ship. "What are you worried about me for?" Bertrise wondered.

"Because I want you to be happy, too, luv."

"I am."

"Good. I have a necklace upstairs you can borrow if you want. Ashley made it, actually, and I think it will go well with your shirt."

Bertrise smiled; she'd made the right choice by heading over to the Chandler house instead of sitting alone at the barracks. "Thank you for always looking out for me."

Rachel mirrored her grin. "Of course. So where are you going this evening?"

"Just to TJ's. Reggie hasn't been yet… He's really excited."

Rachel smiled; the young couple was so adorable. "Good."

"He was worried," Bertrise admitted, "That I wouldn't have waited for him to come back."

"You've been e-mailing while the ship was gone, weren't you?"

She nodded. "Yeah. But he still worried."

"He really likes you," Rachel realized. Fears didn't need to be rational to exist. She'd expected that her statement would bring a smile to Bertrise's face, but it didn't. "What is it, luv?"

She looked away, nervously twisting at her hands. "We've been together for a while, and I really like him. But he's older, and knows more, and… I don't know what I should do if he wants to… you know."

Rachel put down the bowl of popcorn she'd just finished and took her hand. Bertrise was nearly eighteen, but her sheltered, sickly childhood had left her very innocent in some respects. "What do you want to do?" she asked.

The teen shrugged. "I'm not sure."

"That's what you should think about. Talk to Reggie about your feelings; I'm sure he would respect your wishes. And if you do decide you're ready, you bloody well better use protection."

That got a little smile to cross Bertrise's face. "We will. Promise."

They both looked up at the sound of footsteps coming up from the basement. Tom entered the kitchen, and froze when he realized they'd gone silent and were staring at him. "What are you ladies up to?" he suspiciously wondered.

"None of your business," Rachel replied with a smile. Tom gave her a Look, but she just handed him the bowl of popcorn. "Take that to your children."

"Do I look like your errand boy?" he wondered.

Rachel raised an eyebrow, as if daring him to say another word in protest. Since Tom wisely said nothing, she stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Thank you, my love."

Bertrise giggled as he headed for the living room. They could hear the kids cheer the popcorn's arrival. "Let me see your ring again," the teen requested. Rachel laughed, but obliged, holding out her left hand. Bertrise examined the diamond for no less than the third time since she arrived. "You're so lucky," she proclaimed.

Rachel looked over around the corner to the living room. From where she was currently standing, she could just barely see Tom laughing with his children and their friends. After being apart for so long and so angry for so long, life now seemed surreal. "I know," she agreed.

* * *

When the doorbell rang a half hour later, the kids were the closest ones to answer it. Sam flung the door open, the girls all right behind him, to find Reggie out on the front stoop.

"Hi!" they told him.

"Hi… Um, Bertrise is here, right?" He'd expected to see her at the door, and was now a little worried. Showing up at his commanding officer's house unnecessarily would probably be considered a career-limiting move.

However, Ashley nodded. "Yep, she's upstairs."

Rachel descended the stairs beside the children. "Come on in, Reggie; she'll be down in a moment."

He nervously smiled as he stepped inside and took off his cover. "Thanks, Dr. Scott."

"Why do you have your uniform on?" Katie wondered. Reggie was wearing his dress blues, and seemed a bit out of place surrounded by children in brightly-colored pajamas.

"I don't have any good civvies," he admitted, "And I wanted to look nice for dinner. Bertrise said there's a restaurant in town." Jeans and an old t-shirt didn't seem right for a first real date out in public.

"TJ's isn't fancy," Ashley pointed out, in case he wasn't already aware.

Reggie's smile faded a little. "I know, but…" he glanced toward Rachel, looking for advice. "Was this a bad idea?"

She shook her head. "It's the only restaurant in a town next to a Navy base; I'm sure you're not the first to come in uniform. I think you look very handsome."

They all looked up at the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Bertrise was wearing the necklace Rachel had suggested and had put on a little makeup. She smiled at Reggie when she saw him. "You look nice."

His smile returned full-force. "You look beautiful. Like always."

"Are you going to kiss her?" Katie asked.

"No!" Sam demanded with a shudder.

Reggie and Bertrise both blushed furiously. "Leave them alone," Rachel admonished the girls, chuckling. "You two have fun."

Bertrise nodded. "We will. Thanks for your help." The young couple headed off down the sidewalk toward town.

The girls all watched from the window, practically swooning. "I can't wait until we're grown up and have boyfriends," Ava commented.

Sam made a face, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue. "Gross."

Rachel laughed at their antics. "Don't wish your lives away, luvs," she warned them. "Later, you'll look back and wish you were children again."

Ashley shook her head. "No way. Life's so much easier for grown-ups."

Rachel just smiled, knowing that someday she'd realize the truth. "If only."

* * *

The kids eventually fell asleep in front of their third movie of the night. Tom turned off the TV, then joined Rachel in making sure they were all warm enough. Sam and Katie were in sleeping bags, while Ashley and Ava were simply curled up between layers of blankets. Tom and Rachel carefully made their way around the living room, pulling up their blankets and giving each child a gentle goodnight kiss. They collected the mostly-empty popcorn bowls and cups of juice and retreated to the kitchen to clean up.

"Are you going to help?" Rachel wondered when she realized that Tom was just standing there watching her instead of drying the items that she was washing.

He smiled. "Maybe." She swatted him with the dish towel, then handed it to him. "There's something I'd rather be doing," Tom told her as he put the towel down and stood behind her, encircling her as he rested his hands against the counter on either side of her waist.

"Oh really?" Rachel wondered.

He kissed a trail up her neck and gently bit her earlobe. "We haven't had much real 'adult time' since I got here." After their first night back together had been spent talking, they'd barely made it to their room before falling asleep the previous night. Their days had been consumed with family, friends, and the base's recovery, so they hadn't had much of a chance to get reacquainted physically.

"Mmm, and you decide to remedy this when we have four children under our roof?" Rachel wondered, one eyebrow arched.

Tom smiled. "That wasn't my idea. My plans for the night are a lot simpler."

"And what would those plans be?"

"Just me and you." He shifted forward slightly, his muscular chest pressing against her back. "Actually," Tom amended in a low voice, "Me IN you."

Rachel nearly choked, and reached to shut off the faucet. The image that had entered her mind unbidden at his words had left her knees weak. "The dishes can wait until morning," she decided.

Tom grinned. "That's what I was thinking."

 **~ % ~**

Upstairs in their bedroom, Tom made a big show of locking the door; there would be no unexpected visitors tonight. Rachel smiled as she pulled off the light shirt she'd had on over her black tank top. Tom ran his fingers over the smooth skin of her arms as they shared a languid kiss; after the weeks apart, he'd almost forgotten how good it felt to have her in his embrace.

As his hands settled on her waist, Rachel started working open the fastener on his jeans. Once she'd pulled them and his boxers down, he kicked them off, not caring where they landed. He started to pull his gray sweater over his head, too, but Rachel stopped him.

"That's my job," she whispered in his ear. Her breath against his skin made him shiver.

"I can handle that," he replied with a smile, and reached to return the favor of removing her pants. However, she gripped his fingers and pulled them away.

"That's my job, too."

He grinned, holding his hands up in surrender. "So you're in charge tonight?"

"Do you have a problem with that?" Rachel wondered.

Tom shook his head. "No, ma'am."

With a gentle shove against his chest, she got him to sit on the foot of the bed. After pulling his sweater off and discarding it on the floor, Rachel slowly ran her fingers down from his shoulders over his bare chest and abdomen. Tom bit back a groan as she got tantalizingly close to his hardening length, but then moved her hands away, lightly raking her nails over his thighs.

Rachel smiled wickedly as she heard. "Did you want something?" she asked.

"Minx," he accused through clenched teeth.

She laughed. "Is that all you've got?"

"At least you're MY minx."

Rachel stood between his legs, one hand caressing his cheek as she dipped her head to kiss him soundly. "I am," she whispered as Tom wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close. "All yours."

As their kiss deepened, he tugged gently at the waistband of her cotton pants before letting the elastic gently snap back against her skin. Rachel flinched slightly, not having expected the sensation.

"That's really the way you want to play this?" she sternly wondered.

Tom gave what he hoped was an innocent-looking smile. "You've still got too many clothes on. I'm just trying to be helpful."

"To help yourself, you mean," she corrected.

"Two birds, one stone." He gave her pants a gentle tug, but was disappointed when she batted his hand away. "You're going to leave me hanging?" he asked, frowning like a petulant child.

Rachel laughed. "You don't appear to be 'hanging' at all at the moment, my love." She could feel his erection standing at attention against her thigh.

Tom grinned. "We've got about a month of sex to make up for," he murmured between kisses against her shoulder.

"Not all at once," she replied with a chuckle. "Not if you want me to be able to walk tomorrow."

"Is that a requirement?" Tom smartly wondered.

That was apparently the wrong answer, and she knew just how to shut him up. Tom absolutely froze as Rachel reached down and wrapped her fingers around his length. As she began sliding her hand from up and down from base to tip, he could barely breathe, let alone continue to worry about what clothes she was wearing. After letting himself simply enjoy her ministrations for a minute, Tom gripped her wrist, firmly pulling her hand away.

"Stop," he hoarsely told her.

Rachel frowned. "What's wrong?"

He managed a small smile once he'd crawled back from the proverbial edge. "It's been awhile, babe, and... I'm not gonna last long." She was so warm and beautiful and had figured out most of his weaknesses by now. He wished he could do better, but actually having her here in front of him exceeded anything he'd been able to imagine over the past month.

Rachel grinned, thoroughly enjoying the fact that she had that effect on him. "And I'm not even naked yet," she teased, reaching for the hem of her shirt.

If Tom hadn't already been rock hard, the sight of her lifting her camisole up over her head definitely would have done the trick. He slid one hand up her side to cup her bare breast, rolling the nipple between his thumb and forefinger. Rachel leaned into his touch, clearly in agreement with the idea that turnabout is fair play. When his finger was replaced by his lips, she let out a noise that was halfway between a moan and a whimper, her fingers grabbing handfuls of his soft, graying hair. "Oh, my love..."

Tom smiled against her skin, enjoying seeing her start to come apart. He was proud to be on the very short list of people that got to see her like this, with her guard completely down. They'd overcome so much to be able to be at this point. "You are so beautiful," he whispered as he looked up into her eyes.

Rachel returned his grin as she pressed her lips to his, then stepped back and stripped off her remaining clothing, playfully swaying her hips to give him a little show. Tom reached for her, not wanting to be separated for another instant, but she moved out of his grasp. "Where are you..." he wondered as she went into the bathroom. The question died off as Rachel quickly returned, and he realized she had a condom package in her hands. She'd always been the stickler out of the two of them ever since birth control had become an option. Tom could have argued, but it wasn't worth it; he wouldn't win, and rightfully so. Instead, he simply leaned back on his arms and stared at the ceiling as she sheathed him, trying to think of anything but what her nimble fingers were doing.

Once finished, Rachel rested her hands on his shoulders for balance and knelt on the mattress straddled over his legs. His hands returned to her waist, holding her almost too tightly as she lowered herself down onto him, bit by excruciatingly slow bit. A few half-curses fell from his lips as he was finally buried to the hilt within her. Rachel's head fell back, her eyes closed in bliss. They fit together absolutely perfectly.

"God, I missed you," Tom whispered before kissing a trail from her mouth to her collarbone. He bit her skin lightly, knowing she didn't mind a couple marks as long as they were in easy-to-hide locations. He couldn't help a desire to brand her as his - as loved and wanted - even if it was redundant with the ring on her finger.

"Just for this?" Rachel quietly wondered. Her half-lidded eyes had turned nearly black with lust.

He shook his head. "This is icing on top of the cake." Having her with him for the past year had made every aspect of his life better. He was alive because of her, in more ways than one. "But the icing's the best part."

Tom couldn't help a strained moan as she rose up and then slowly slid back down his length. Rachel's nails dug into his biceps when he attempted to guide her hips to pick up the pace. She resisted, seemingly determined to torture him. Therefore, he stood with her in his arms and then deposited her back on the bed so that he was on top.

"I thought I was in charge?" she questioned with a pout. "Cheeky bastard."

He was completely unapologetic. "You know patience has never been one of my strong suits," Tom retorted before driving into her, hard and deep. Rachel's back arched like a bow, fingernails digging into his shoulders as she rode out the storm that she'd provoked.

They quickly found a rhythm, so easily it was as if they hadn't spent any time apart. Rachel hooked her ankles together behind his back, changing the angle at which they were joined. A low moan tore it's way from her throat. "I-I'm so close," she brokenly whispered.

"I know, babe." She was driving him towards the edge, too. He was just barely hanging on, wanting so badly to make her happy.

"Tom - " Rachel started, but that was as far as she got before the intense ecstasy exploded through her body. Everything tingled, from tips of her fingers to her curled toes.

Tom buried his head in the crook of her neck as he followed her into the abyss. His groan was muffled by her skin and his pillow. "Oh, God, Rach…"

She kissed his shoulder, gently rubbing one hand over his back as they both came down from their mutual highs. "I love you," she whispered as her pulse started to return to a more normal pace.

He smiled, turning over and holding her securely against his chest. She was always safe in his arms. "I love you more."

* * *

 **TBC...**


	21. What's in A Name?

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: WHAT'S IN A NAME?**

Tom and Rachel kept their wedding plans simple. He had wanted to be able to give her whatever kind of ceremony she'd always dreamed of, but she didn't want anything too big or fancy. As long as the kids, Jed, and a couple friends were there, Rachel was satisfied. However, that did not satisfy Ashley and Sam.

"You have to have everybody there," Ashley protested one evening as she and Rachel worked on dinner.

"We don't NEED many people at all. Mike will be your father's best man, and Bertrise and Kelly will be there for me." Keeping things small at the base chapel was all she really desired. What was the point in a big fuss?

"And us, right?" Sam asked from his spot sitting at the counter.

"Of course, luv."

"You have to get a big white dress," Ashley decided. "You'll look like a princess."

Rachel laughed. "Where am I going to find a big dress?"

"In town," Ashley replied, as if it was obvious.

"I haven't seen any bridal shops in Kittery, have you?"

"Oh… No. Well, we could go to Portsmouth. Or Boston." Some parts of the city had, amazingly, fared pretty well.

"I'm not going all the way to Massachusetts for a dress," Rachel told her with a laugh. "I'll find something here. It may not be terribly elaborate, but I'm sure it will still be lovely."

Ashley sighed. "Well, do we get new clothes, too? Please, please?"

Rachel smiled. "Sure. We'll get you something new. Sam, do you have dress clothes already?"

He shook his head. "My shirt is too small." The clothing his father had gotten for him from their house in Norfolk was nearly two years old.

"You need to stop growing, then," Rachel teased him.

Sam shook his head vehemently. "I'm gonna be as tall as Daddy."

"Are there gonna be flowers?" Ashley asked, getting them back on topic.

"I'm sure," Rachel replied. "And decorations for the party, too."

The children's eyes lit up. "There's going to be a party?!"

"Yes, after the ceremony, to celebrate."

Ashley thought about it. "You should make all the decorations silver and light blue," she decided.

Rachel laughed. "My little master planner. Maybe I'll let you organize everything. What colors do you think we should use, Sam?"

"Orange and green," he decided, sending them into fits of giggles.

"Those would be a bit… loud," Rachel told him.

Sam shrugged. "They're my favorites."

"I see."

"You should have a chocolate cake," Ashley decided, still planning away.

"I think we're making whatever cake we have ourselves," Rachel revealed. It wasn't like there was a bakery nearby. TJ's Grill made some good food, but ice cream was the extent of their dessert repertoire.

Ashley grinned. "Will you let us do it?" she asked, indicating herself and her brother.

Rachel returned her smile. She didn't much care who did what or how big the party was as long as they ended up saying 'I do'. "Sure, luvs. You can help out however you like."

* * *

While the _Nathan James_ was staying in port, the crew kept busy with a myriad of activities. The engineering team finally had some time to make necessary repairs. The tactical teams helped with training base personnel and scouting the area. Their helicopter pilots joined in with making sorties to the other lab facilities and military bases that Portsmouth was partnered with. Tom still checked in with his department heads regularly to make sure they and their people had what they needed and were being productive. After a busy day going back and forth between the ship and different buildings around the base, he had a stop to make on the way home.

Jed smiled broadly when he opened his front door and found his son standing on his front stoop. "What are you doing over here?" he asked.

"Wanted to come see your new digs," Tom replied. His father had moved out and gotten a little place over in Kittery. It backed up against some woods where he could go hunt and wasn't too far of a walk from the base.

"It's still a work in progress," Jed warned him.

Tom chuckled. "Pop, your cabin was a 'work in progress' for twenty years."

"Longer!" the older man corrected him.

"You know that you'll still always be welcome with us, right?" Tom asked. He worried about his father and planned to check in regularly.

Jed waved a hand dismissively at him. "Yeah, yeah. So you've said."

"I was thinking that maybe we could start to have a meal together every week. You know, like the Sunday dinners Mom was always so big on when I was young." With three active kids and a husband in the military, there were many nights that they hadn't all eaten together. But once a week, his mother had insisted that they look presentable, remember what manners were, and sit down together for a meal.

Jed chuckled. "Sometimes I was late on purpose," he revealed to his son.

Tom scoffed. "You think we didn't know that? You think Mom didn't know that?"

He laughed. "Oh, she'd get so mad at me…"

A sad smile crossed Tom's face as he remembered. "I didn't really appreciate it at the time, but now… Those are good memories to look back on. I want my kids to be able to do the same someday."

Jed nodded in agreement. "Alright then. I'll see you on Sunday."

* * *

That night, long after the kids were in bed, Tom found Rachel still down in the living room, working on her laptop and making notes on documents.

"Hey, babe," he told her as he rubbed her shoulders. "Everything okay?"

She nodded, doing her best not to let herself get distracted by what his fingers were doing. "Just trying to get this report done."

Tom dropped a few kisses along the line of her neck. "Do you have to finish tonight?"

"Yes."

He continued silently attempting to convince her otherwise, one hand sliding over her stomach and then lower… "Are you sure?"

Rachel sighed heavily. "Yes."

Tom laughed. "Can't blame a guy for trying."

She softened. "I'll be up as soon as I can."

"Okay, I know when to throw in the towel," he told her before giving her a kiss, "And I'll just say goodnight to the soon-to-be Mrs. Chandler." He headed for the stairs, but Rachel's voice stopped him in his tracks.

"I'm not sure if I'm changing my name," she told him. It wasn't something they'd talked about before.

"What?" Tom asked, uncertain if he'd heard her right.

Rachel put down her pen. "I've been considering it, but I'm not sure if I'm going to change my last name after the wedding."

Tom leaned against the wall, his arms folded defensively over his chest. "Why not?"

"For one thing, I'm known by my name." She'd been an expert in her field for years, but with everything that had happened in the last year, Rachel had definitely become more well known.

"I think a few people have heard of mine, too," Tom sniped.

Rachel stopped and stared. She had genuinely still been thinking about it, and disliked that he saw it as a foregone conclusion. "This isn't even a topic to discuss to you, is it?" she realized. "You never even considered giving me a choice."

Tom huffed a sigh. "I didn't know I needed to." He hadn't considered this scenario. It was just what women did when they married… wasn't it?

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Of course not. Why would you ever think that people could have their own opinions when you can order them to have yours?"

He frowned; that was unfair. "I don't do that."

"No? So you're about to tell me that this is my decision and you'll respect whatever I choose, even if you don't agree?"

"And what I want doesn't matter to you at all?"

Rachel glared. "You know, I think I've adjusted to an awful lot of things already. What exactly are you giving up?"

Tom's mouth opened and closed twice before any sound made it out. "I wouldn't want you to be suffering to be with me," he told her. "You know, nobody's forcing you to marry me!"

Rachel froze. "N-no," she finally said, her voice quiet. "Nobody would be."

The silence that followed allowed Tom to replay the last few moments in his head. He wasn't sure how this conversation had gotten out of control so fast. What were they saying to each other? "What does that mean?" he asked. Was she reconsidering his proposal?!

Rachel turned back to her laptop. "I have work to do."

"Rach…" But she didn't answer and she didn't look up. He just stood there, staring, for a long moment, before eventually turning and storming up the steps.

* * *

Rachel stayed up working half the night and then ended up sleeping on the couch instead of going upstairs. She didn't have the energy to get into another discussion at that point.

She awakened early in the morning to the sound of drawers opening and closing and silverware jingling in the kitchen. When she got up and padded into the room, she found Tom at the counter pouring out a cup of coffee. He slid a second mug across the surface toward her; he'd made her tea.

"Thank you," Rachel quietly told him. "Straight black today?" she wondered after looking into his cup.

He nodded once without looking at her. "Mmm. Didn't really sleep well last night."

Rachel took a sip of her tea. "Me either…"

"You never came to bed," Tom pointed out.

She shook her head. "No."

"We broke one of my mother's rules. She used to tell me and my siblings all the time - never go to bed angry."

Rachel sighed. "I don't think that's the first time - or will be the last… Can I propose a compromise?"

Tom raised an eyebrow. "To what?"

"I'll be Dr. Scott at work, but Mrs. Chandler everywhere else."

He exhaled slowly, leaning against the counter. "You don't have to do that. Not if it's not what you really want."

"It is," she replied, stepping forward and taking his hand in hers. "I want to be your wife, Tom. I want to be a recognized part of your family. I know it's important to you, and I'd be proud of it. It's just going to be one more change to get used to." She shrugged lightly, glancing away. "I'll manage."

Tom set down his coffee and cupped her face in his hands, ensuring they were looking each other in the eye. "I don't want you to be unhappy, Rachel. I love you so much, and I know the life you'd have to live with me won't be easy." It took a special person with a lot of strength to be a military spouse. He was honestly concerned that she wouldn't be happy with him. "If I could protect you from that - if I could be different for you - I would."

"I know. I don't want you to be anyone else. We just have to be patient with each other, keep trying to do our best for each other."

Tom nodded. "Okay. But if you have any doubts - "

Rachel stood on her toes and kissed him. "I love you. And I can't wait to be your wife."

Their lips met again, the kiss deep and slow. Tom grabbed Rachel by the waist and lifted her up on the counter. Her legs wrapped around his hips, and he was beginning to consider whether she'd let him take her right there in the kitchen when they heard footsteps on the stairs.

"Eeeew, mushy stuff!" Sam cried as he and Ashley came in the room. Rachel slipped back down to stand on the floor, her face bright red.

"What are you monsters doing awake so early?" Tom asked them.

"We're hungry," Ashley told him.

"Well, we can work on that. Go get washed and dressed and we'll have cereal and stuff out before you get back."

"No more mushy stuff," Sam sternly warned the couple as he turned away.

"Hey, mushy stuff is what happens when you're in love with a woman," Tom told his son with a laugh. "What would you want us to do?"

Sam looked straight at his father and repeated three words he'd heard his grandfather say: "Get a room."

Rachel and Tom's jaws dropped. Ashley clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. "Oh, that does it!" Tom told his son. Before Sam could run, he'd been scooped up and got tickled mercilessly. The boy screamed with laughter as he squirmed around in his father's arms. "Get a room, huh? Do you even know what that means?" Tom asked.

"No!" Sam yelled between giggles.

"Good! Keep it that way. Do you take it back?"

"No!"

Tom flipped him upside down over his shoulder, and Sam continued to laugh hysterically. Ashley tried to come to her brother's rescue, but Tom held her off by sticking out a foot. Rachel just shook her head as she watched.

"You are all completely mad," she told them.

Tom looked conspiratorially at his kids as he set Sam back down on his feet. "Should we get her?" he wondered. They both nodded.

Rachel started to back away out of the kitchen. "Don't you dare," she told her fiancé. But he and the kids kept advancing on her.

In the end, they all ended up on the floor together, laughing until they could barely breathe. Even as she begged them to stop, all Rachel could think was that she hoped there would be many more mornings like this one.

* * *

 **TBC...**


	22. Forever and Always

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: FOREVER AND ALWAYS**

On the morning of their wedding, Tom woke up to the warmth of Rachel's body in his arms, her hair gently tickling his chest, and the sound of rain on the roof.

"Morning, my love," Rachel whispered as she felt his arms tighten around her waist.

"Is that what I think it is?" he groaned.

She frowned, confused. "What?"

"It's raining." To him, this was supposed to be Rachel's day. It was his day, too, but this was her first - and hopefully last - wedding day. Her happiness was the only thing he wanted and already things were going awry.

Rachel nodded. "Yes, it is." A slight smile crossed her face as she listened to the sound. "It almost put me back to sleep."

Tom sat up slightly so he could look her in the eye. "You're not upset?"

"Would it do any good if I was?" she replied with a slight laugh. "I don't think we have the power to change the weather."

"No, I'm good, but not that good," Tom told her. Rachel nudged him in the stomach with her elbow. "Oof. So you don't think it's a bad omen?"

Rachel shook her head. "Rain on your wedding day is supposed to be good luck, actually. We got engaged after a hurricane; why not get married in the rain?"

Tom rolled over onto his back, pulling her with him onto his chest. He gave her a gentle kiss, smiling against her lips. "We're getting married today," he whispered as they broke apart.

She smiled, folding her arms on his chest and resting her chin on them. "Yes, we are."

"I can't wait until you're my wife."

"Me either. Just a few more hours."

A knock sounded on the door. "Mom? Dad?" the kids called from the hall.

"Morning, monsters. Come on in," Tom replied.

Sam opened the door and bounded into the room. Ashley followed a bit more slowly, carefully trying to keep from spilling the contents of the mugs in her hands. Both children were still clad in pajamas.

"Happy Wedding Day!" the kids told the couple.

They smiled as they each took a mug from Ashley. "Thank you, sweetheart."

"This is a wonderful surprise, luvs," Rachel told them.

The kids climbed up on the bed with them. "We wanted everything to be perfect for you," Ashley told them as she laid down between them.

Tom kissed her forehead. "What could be more perfect than a lazy morning with you two?" Sam snuggled up with Rachel, beaming up at her. "You guys know this isn't just our wedding day, right?" Tom asked. "This is a family day. Today is a big day for all of us."

"We know," Ashley agreed. "Rachel becomes our new mom for real today."

She took the young girl's hand. "And you two become my new kids for real." Rachel still felt so fortunate that they had welcomed her with open arms.

"We've all got a lot to celebrate," Tom agreed. "We just want you guys to remember - for each time today that we talk about how much we love each other, we love you two just as much."

"We love you, too," Ashley told him as she hugged him.

Tom smiled at Rachel as she held Sam. "What did we do to get this lucky?" he wondered.

She shook her head; she'd been asking herself the same question. "I have no idea. But I wouldn't change a thing."

* * *

Once they all got up and had a quick breakfast, Tom and Sam headed next door to get ready. Mike had been staying in Kelly's basement since the ship got back - it was easier than temporarily uprooting his daughter - so the men were doing their preparations there while the women took over the Chandler house.

Tom and Mike were both going to wear their dress uniforms for the ceremony. They helped each other out with making sure every little detail was exactly right. "You nervous?" Mike asked at one point.

Tom nodded. "Little bit."

"You know she loves you," he tried to reassure his friend.

"I do. That's not it…" Tom stared at his reflection in the mirror. He wasn't the same man he'd been a year and a half ago, but the past still haunted him. "I wasn't there for Darien when she needed me most. There's nothing I can do or anybody can say that's going to change that. Today is a new start, but it also means that history has a chance to repeat itself. I just… I'm not sure if I could survive it it if something happened again."

Mike sighed. He knew all too well the regret that the other man had to live with. "We can't live in fear, though. We'd miss out on too much."

Tom nodded. "I know, just… It's hitting pretty hard today."

"You've got better things to worry about today. Like not passing out when you first see your bride, and not screwing up your vows."

Tom chuckled. "You know, you are the best friend a guy could ask for."

Mike nodded. "Yeah, I know." He grinned.

Tom laughed. "And humble as hell. But thanks for always having my back."

Sam joined them, holding a silver tie in his hand. He was wearing a dark blue shirt that almost matched his father's uniform and black pants. "Dad, I don't know how to tie this," he pointed out.

Tom smiled. "It's about time you learned, then, hmm?" He draped the tie around his son's neck, then stood behind him to show him how to tie it. In the end, the young boy looked quite sharp. Tom had given him a haircut the night before; it was still long, but at least it was even and his ears were visible.

"We look GOOD," Sam decided as they stood together in front of a mirror. He struck a pose with his arms folded over his chest.

Tom laughed. "Yes, we do, pal. You think Rachel will approve?"

He nodded. "Yeah, she's gotta. Are we ready to go now?"

"I don't think the girls are going to be ready quite yet. You know they need a lot of time for hair and makeup and all that stuff."

Sam rolled his eyes. "They take for-ev-er."

Tom chuckled. "Yeah, but they look real pretty when they're done."

* * *

Rachel, Kelly, Bertrise, Ashley, Ava, and Katie were indeed not ready yet. They were in the master bed and bathrooms at the Chandler house, working together to make themselves presentable. Kelly and Rachel were taking care of each other's hair, while Bertrise helped the girls. Ashley had wanted her hair half pulled up and curled; Katie had a single ponytail, also curled; and Ava had her hair hanging free with one braid on the side. They were all enjoying the chance to get dressed up.

"What do you think?" Kelly asked Rachel as she finished her friend's hair. It was pulled up in an elegant bun at the nape of her neck. A few strands hung free in loose curls, framing her face.

She smiled as she looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. "I love it."

"You look really pretty, Mom," Ashley told her from her spot in the bedroom.

"Thank you, luv."

"Okay, dress time," Kelly proclaimed as she stepped out of the bathroom in order to let Rachel change. "Hurry up; I can't wait to see this," she teasingly told her friend.

Rachel had found her dress at the small shop in town. It was just a simple, white, modified A-line gown. The owner of the shop had volunteered to add a few embellishments when she found out it was for a wedding. Bands of small shiny beads ran around the waist and top of the strapless dress. Rachel hadn't wanted the fuss at the time, but now as she put the dress on, she was glad that Kelly had talked her into it.

When she opened the door and came out of the bathroom, everyone gasped.

"Tom is going to lose his mind," Kelly told her with a smile.

"It looks okay?" Rachel wondered, turning in a circle so they could see the whole dress.

"It looks amazing," Bertrise assured her. The girls nodded in agreement.

Ashley went and got a box off the dresser. "I have something for you," she told Rachel as she handed it to her.

Rachel lifted the lid to find a silver necklace with teardrop-shaped sapphire pendant. "This is gorgeous, luv."

Ashley beamed. "It's from me and Sammy. And Grandpa, too, I guess. He helped us find it in town. I figured that would count as something old, and it's new to you, and it's blue."

Rachel laughed as she opened the clasp to put it on. "You almost got all four in one!"

"I've got the something borrowed," Kelly told her. She reached into her purse and pulled out a pair of pearl stud earrings. "Quincy gave these to me," she explained. "I still can't believe I found them when we were in England." Their home had been ransacked, but hadn't burned down. "I think he'd want you to have them for today."

Rachel felt her eyes tear up. She hadn't thought about Quincy for a while. Hopefully he would be happy that she'd found a family that she loved just as much as he'd loved his own. "Thank you," she told Kelly, and gave Ava a smile, too. "I promise I'll be careful with them."

Kelly smiled. "See, this is why we do make-up last," she told her friend as she wiped at her own teary eyes. "We'd have mascara running everywhere otherwise."

Rachel laughed. "True. We should probably get started on that, though; I'd imagine the boys are getting impatient."

* * *

Finally, the ladies were all ready and they headed for the base chapel. Mike and Jed came out of the chapel door with large umbrellas when the SUV pulled up. They ferried everyone into the lobby without anybody getting too wet.

"You are a vision," Jed told Rachel once they were all safely inside. The finishing touches to go with her dress were a sheer white veil and a bouquet of white and blue flowers.

She blushed. "Thank you, Jed."

"Tom is going to be speechless," Mike agreed, "And I never mind when that happens!" Chuckling to himself, he headed into the main part of the chapel to let them know that everyone had arrived.

Tom had been speaking with the minister, but instantly noticed when Mike returned. "They're here?" he wondered.

He smiled and nodded, walking over to join his friend at the end of the aisle. "It's showtime."

Sam went out to join his sister as Ava and Katie came inside and found seats. As gentle music started to play, Ashley and Sam were the first of the wedding party to enter the chapel. Both of them were far past the traditional ages for flower girls or ring bearers, but still wanted to have a part in the ceremony. They both gave their father a hug before taking seats in the front pew on his side. He was preoccupied watching them and didn't really notice as Bertrise and Kelly came in. Lucky for him, Mike pointedly cleared his throat as the door opened again. Rachel walked through, escorted by Jed, and Tom was totally riveted.

"Breathe," Mike whispered to his friend with a grin.

"Trying…"

Rachel smiled at her soon-to-be husband as her soon-to-be father-in-law walked her to the end of the aisle. He looked so incredibly handsome in his dress uniform, standing tall with all his military decorations on his chest and every bit of metal shining like jewels. He always cleaned up nicely, but it gave her a special thrill that this was for her.

Jed kissed her cheek briefly as they came to a stop, then took her hand from his arm and gave it to Tom. "Hi," she whispered to him.

"You look like an angel," he whispered back. Rachel blushed.

"We are gathered here today," the minister began, "To celebrate one of life's greatest moments - the joining of two hearts - and to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love."

Jed tapped Ashley and Sam on the shoulders, their cue to get up for their big moment. Ashley unfolded a paper as they stood at the front of the chapel and lightly cleared her throat before starting to read. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."

"It does not dishonor others," Sam continued reading. "It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."

"It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres," Ashley finished.

'Always' was a theme that comfortingly reoccurred again and again throughout the ceremony. They vowed to always cherish each other, trust each other, and love each other through the best and worst, difficult and easy. They exchanged rings - mighty, neverending symbols of their love - as a sign of the bond they would always have. In the end, as the minister blessed them, their marriage, and their family, it all felt completely surreal.

"By the power vested in me," he finished, "It is my honor and delight to declare you to be husband and wife." He smiled at the couple. "You may seal your vows with a kiss."

Almost before the minister had finished speaking, Tom had pulled Rachel to him and his lips descended upon hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, reveling in the moment. For once, absolutely everything felt right. They didn't break apart until they heard a couple whistles from behind them.

"Kids are still in the room," Mike told them with a laugh.

Ashley and Sam ran for hugs from their parents. "Now we're a family," Sam happily declared.

Tom smiled at his son before sneaking another kiss from his new wife. "Finally."

* * *

 **TBC...**


	23. Lucky

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: LUCKY**

 **A/N: The fluff continues. I figured y'all deserve it after all the drama before. ;-)**

The wedding reception was held at the officers' club on base; by the time Tom and Rachel arrived, the rest of the wedding party, other friends from the ship, and a few senior officers from the base were all waiting to congratulate the happy couple. After the newlyweds had greeted everyone, they were finally able to check out the party for themselves. A table off to the side was stocked with hors d'oeuvres, plus their cake.

"Come see, come see!" Ashley and Sam cried as they pulled their parents behind them to view their handiwork.

Rachel and Tom smiled; the kids had done a fantastic job. The cake was round with a smaller second tier on top. It was covered with white icing and they'd decorated it with hearts made out of red sprinkles.

"This is perfect, guys," Tom told the kids. "Thank you so much."

After filling little plates with food, Ashley and Sam ran off to play with Ava and Katie. Tom wrapped his arms around his new wife's waist as they enjoyed a stolen moment alone.

"Are you happy?"

Rachel rested her hands on his shoulders, getting lost in the depths of his blue eyes. "More than I ever thought possible. I have everything now - you, the children, my work…"

His smile grew. "Good."

"You two trying to start your first dance already?" Mike asked as he approached them. Tom playfully dipped Rachel with a flourish, making her laugh.

"Am I actually going to get you on the dance floor?" she wondered.

Tom shrugged. "Maybe for a song or two."

Rachel looked to Mike. "You'd better hurry up before he changes his mind."

He chuckled, but obligingly made his way up to the front of the room. "Excuse me!" he called, and the guests began to quiet down. "On behalf of the bride and groom, thanks to everyone for coming. I will keep this short, since I know there are a lot of things you'd rather do besides listen to me - like eat." A chuckle went through the crowd. "I have known Tom Chandler for several years. We've gotten into and out of more than our fair share of tough scrapes together. There is no one better to have on your six when things go totally sideways. He has always been a lucky S.O.B. but I think nothing proves that more than today. Today, he's found true love not once, but twice in a lifetime. And let me tell you, buddy - with your new bride, you're punching way above your weight class," he added. Everyone laughed.

Tom teasingly put his hands over Rachel's ears. "Shh, don't tell her that!" he called back to his friend.

"She's stuck with you now," Mike pointed out with a laugh. "For better or worse, as the vows go. My hope for you is that you have lots of 'better' over the years."

"Hear, hear," a few people called, raising their glasses.

"All right, that's all I've got," Mike told the crowd. "I hope everyone enjoys themselves and I'll let the newlyweds have the floor." He gave a nod to the man by the audio system and music began to play from the speakers around the room.

 _ **When my heart is ready to burst,  
**_ _ **When the world spins in reverse,  
**_ _ **I'll keep running t**_ _ **o the place where I belong.**_

Tom smiled at Rachel, bowing slightly before her. "May I have this dance?" he asked, offering his hand.

She returned his grin, laying her fingers in his. "Of course."

 _ **When you go to turn down the light,  
**_ _ **No one's there to hold you in the night,  
**_ _ **I'll keep running to the place where I belong.  
**_ _ **When you think you're all alone,  
**_ _ **I'm still coming home.**_

 _ **When our picture fades in the sun,  
**_ _ **And all the colors blur into one,  
**_ _ **I'll keep running to the place where I belong.  
**_ _ **When you think you're all alone,  
**_ _ **I'm still coming home.**_

As they swayed together in the middle of the room, they were surrounded by all the people that mattered most to them, all blissfully happy together. It had been an absolutely wonderful day so far, and both knew that this was just their beginning.

* * *

As afternoon turned to evening, the rain finally tapered off. The newlyweds cut the cake and took pictures with the children and their closest friends. Rachel was dancing with Sam and Ashley when Tom came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

"There you are, my love," she told him with a smile.

Tom pressed his lips to the back of her neck. "I'm ready to get out of this uniform," he told her in a low voice that instantly made her knees weak.

"I, um, don't suppose you'd like some help with that?" she whispered.

"Most definitely."

Rachel turned back to the children. "Hey, luvs, your father and I are going to head out now. You two behave yourselves for Kelly tonight, okay?" They were going to have a sleepover at the Tophet house in order to give the newlyweds a night of privacy.

Sam and Ashley instantly reached for hugs. "We'll see you tomorrow afternoon," Tom promised them. "Maybe we'll go into town for dinner so nobody has to cook."

"It'll be fried chicken night," Ashley pointed out.

"I know. Sound good?" Both kids nodded.

"Have a good night," they told their parents as they got their last hugs. "Sleep well!"

Tom smiled conspiratorially at Rachel as they turned away. "I don't think we're going to get much sleep tonight, do you?" he whispered.

She laughed. "Hopefully not."

* * *

It took a bit of time to get through the crowd of well-wishers, but the couple finally managed to escape back to their house. As they made their way along the front walk, Rachel shrieked with surprise when Tom lifted her into his arms.

"What are you doing?" she wondered.

"Taking my wife home." He was amazingly able to unlock the door while still holding her and carried her across the threshold.

"Put me down," Rachel protested with a giggle.

"What if I don't want to?" Tom impishly asked. She nudged him with her elbow, and he obligingly set her down on her feet. "I love you," he whispered.

Rachel gave him a gentle kiss. "I love you, too… It's so quiet for once." There were no children running around or fighting, nothing from work demanding their attention. All they had to worry about was each other.

"Mmm. Why don't I run you a hot bath and start a fire?"

"Only if you're going to join me in said bath," she replied. They had a generously sized tub in their bathroom.

Tom smiled. "Deal."

Upstairs in the master suite, they each helped each other out of their clothes, enjoying a few lingering touches and passionate kisses. Rachel closed her eyes, reveling in the moment, as Tom undid her hair and combed his fingers through the strands. She ran her hands over his chest and shoulders, feeling the contours of his muscles. They'd already spent many nights over the past several months learning each other's bodies, but this was like starting anew. They belonged to each other now, in every possible way.

Rachel stood in the doorway and watched as Tom lit a few candles around the bathroom and checked the temperature of the water. "This feels decidedly uneven," she commented. He was still wearing boxers and an undershirt while she didn't have a single stitch on.

Tom turned around and was captivated by the vision behind him. A tiny teasing smile was on her lips, her hair cascaded over her bare shoulders… Tom couldn't help but smile. "What the hell did I do to deserve you?" he wondered.

She grinned. "Captained a ship to save the world."

Tom chuckled. "Is that all?" He reached for her hand and helped her safely step into the tub. "I'll be back in a few," he told her as she settled into the water. "Gotta set up a few things."

The bath felt heavenly, and it had been a long and tiring day. Rachel was nearly asleep by the time Tom returned. He'd shed the rest of his clothes and was ready to join her. "Hey, Mrs. Chandler," he whispered as he sat on the edge of the tub.

Rachel smiled as she looked up at him. "Hi, Mr. Chandler." Dr. Scott and Commander Chandler were their personas for the rest of the world. For themselves, things were so much simpler. No more walls, no more secrets. They owned each other's hearts.

"Sit up, babe," Tom requested, and he slipped into the tub behind her. Rachel settled back against his chest and closed her eyes again. The room was silent, except for their heartbeats. It had taken a lot to get there - both good and bad - but now, all she felt was peace.

"This is the rest of our lives," she whispered.

"Not until after the kids are in bed," Tom replied with a chuckle. "Unless you learn to be quiet."

Rachel sat up slightly so she could turn and narrow her eyes at him. "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black!"

Tom grinned. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course not." Rachel settled back against him and closed her eyes. "Promise me we'll always take some time for us. That sometimes it'll be just you and me."

He kissed her shoulder. "Promise. We've got a few different options for where we can dump off the kids. Or we'll just lock them in the basement."

Rachel chuckled as she reached for her bath puff and body wash, and started lathering up her arms. Tom gently took it away from her and started running the puff along her body. Down her neck, over her shoulders, along her sides… he purposely avoided the areas that she'd most desire his touch.

Rachel squirmed in his arms. "Thomas…"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Are you trying to drive me bloody insane?"

He smiled. "I don't know. Is it working?"

She blew out an exasperated breath. "Yes!"

Tom chuckled. "In that case…" He started to get up from the bath.

"Where are you going?"

Tom grabbed a towel for himself and held up another for her. "I have a surprise for you. C'mon."

 **~ % ~**

Getting dressed seemed like a waste of time; Rachel was certain of what uncovering his surprise would lead to. She left the fluffy white towel wrapped around her torso as she followed her husband down the steps. Awaiting them in the living room was a nest of pillows and blankets spread on the floor in front of the fireplace. The furniture had been pushed aside and the crackling fire provided dim illumination. It was cozy and romantic and Rachel stood on her toes to give Tom a kiss in thanks.

"You like it?" he wondered. She nodded. "You want to come show me how much?" he suggestively inquired.

Rachel smiled. "I'd like that very much."

* * *

Rachel woke up a couple hours later in the warmth of his surprise. She'd been cuddled in Tom's embrace when she fell asleep, but now found herself alone. The sound of something dripping on the floor had roused her and it took a moment for her to get her bearings. Tom was by the dining room table, holding an overflowing champagne bottle in one hand and using the bowl of strawberries that was in his other hand to try to catch the mess.

"What are you doing?" Rachel wondered as she got up, wrapping a blanket around her bare body.

"Didn't quite get the cork out right," he told her with a sheepish grin. The bottle had finally stopped dripping, so he set the strawberries back down and started pouring two glasses.

Rachel started to go get a towel to clean up the spill, but he stopped her. "The floor is a mess," she pointed out.

"I'll take care of it."

She would not be pleased if the hardwood got damaged. "Tom - "

"Happy wife, happy life," he quipped with a grin. "I'll take care of it." He handed her the champagne glasses. "Go sit by the fire. Relax. I got it."

Rachel finally relented and made herself comfortable. She watched as Tom did in fact clean up the floor, then joined her with the strawberries.

"Here," he told her as he held one up for her to bite. Champagne dripped off the side of the fruit, adding a different note to the flavor.

"Mmm," Rachel murmured, closing her eyes in delight. Tom smiled as he watched her.

"You are absolutely gorgeous," he softly told her. "I'm the luckiest guy on earth."

She smiled. "Yes, you are," she teasingly agreed, making him laugh. "And I'm the luckiest woman."

Tom retrieved their glasses and handed one to her. "To a long and lucky life together," he toasted. "And all the surprises along the way."

Rachel touched her glass to his before they each took a sip. "I love you," she whispered, leaning forward to kiss him.

A grin spread across Tom's face as they broke apart. "I love you, too."

Rachel lay back down and he curled up with her, holding her close as she idly traced a finger across his bare chest. She could feel his heartbeat; the steady rhythm was as comforting as a lullaby. "You mentioned life's surprises," she told him.

"Yeah. We seem to be a magnet for them."

"Sometimes we create our own," Rachel replied. Tom looked down at her, confused. "We were a little preoccupied earlier in the evening. I just realized we didn't use protection."

He sighed. "Sorry. I'll do better."

A little grin pulled at the corner of her mouth as her finger continued its aimless wandering. "It may already be too late for that."

Tom sat up, propping himself up on one elbow. "Are you… are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Her smile widened. "The timing is right. We'll just have to wait and see."

It felt like his mind was going a million miles an hour. "Is that what you want?" It hadn't been that long since the miscarriage and suddenly he was worried. Was she ready for this? For that matter, was he?

Rachel nodded. "It really is." It would be different this time, she promised herself. She so wanted this child, this future. "What about you?"

There were definitely valid concerns, but he couldn't force himself to be worried about them right now. Tom kissed her breathless, leaving no doubt of how excited he was. "If you're pregnant," he whispered, "We just gave each other one helluva wedding present."

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **Song Credit: "Running" by James Bay**


	24. Thankful

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: THANKFUL**

A few weeks later, when Tom arrived home from a day at work, he was surprised by the silence that greeted him when he came inside the house. The lights in the living room and kitchen were on, so he assumed that his family was home, but no one answered when he called out a greeting.

Maybe they're down in the basement, he thought to himself as he headed toward the stairs. "Rachel?" he called. "Ash? Sam?"

At that moment, he heard a noise. It came from behind him, from the downstairs powder room. The unmistakeable sound of someone getting sick.

"Rach?" He reached for the door handle and was grateful to find that it wasn't locked. His wife was kneeling on the floor by the toilet, wracked with dry heaves. "Oh, babe, what happened? Are you okay?"

She sat up and tried to look a little less miserable for his benefit. "Yeah, it's getting a little better now." Tom grabbed a washcloth and wet it with cool water. Rachel gave him a small, grateful smile as he swept her hair out of the way and put the cloth on the back of her neck. "Thank you."

"No problem. So…" he leaned against the doorframe, "Do you think you should do a blood test?"

Rachel nodded slowly, wiping the cloth over her face. "I already did it this afternoon." She'd been noticing a growing list of symptoms over the past week. When she hadn't been able to keep her lunch down, on top of the fact that she was a few days late, she'd known she needed to do a pregnancy test.

Tom startled slightly. "Y-you did?" He hadn't been expecting an instantaneous answer, and suddenly a flash of fear went through him. He would love to have a child with her - although the notion of starting all over brought it's own type of terror - but it had already been proven that there was a danger of losing her in the process. He couldn't lose her. "And...?"

She looked up. "And I think whoever decided to call this 'morning sickness' must have been a man who never had to experience it."

Tom blinked. "You're pregnant?"

Rachel nodded. "I am." He started to lean over to kiss her, but she turned her head. "You don't want to do that right now. Let me go brush my teeth."

Tom chuckled and dropped a kiss on her forehead instead. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She pushed herself to her feet. "I'll be right back."

While he waited, Tom wandered into the kitchen to see whether they had something to eat that would be light on her stomach. He was surprised to find two plates already waiting on the counter, with a couple candles set out in front of them. Rachel had organized a surprise, he realized, to share and celebrate the news. If it was possible, he loved her even more.

 _Please, God, keep her safe_ , he silently begged. Tom wasn't particularly religious, but figured it was worth a try. _Keep them both safe_.

As Rachel returned to the kitchen, she wrapped her arms around him from behind. "The children are with your father for a couple hours," she said as she rested her head against his shoulder. "I'd thought we could have our own little celebration."

Tom finally was able to kiss her properly as he turned around. "I like that plan. How are you feeling?"

"Okay... but I think I just need to stick to tea and toast for dinner."

"Sounds like a good idea."

"Are you happy, my love?" Rachel wondered.

Tom smiled widely. "I'm gonna be a dad again; I'm ecstatic. A little terrified," they both laughed, "But mostly ecstatic. This little piece of you and me..." his right hand landed low on her belly, splayed over where their baby resided, "He or she is going to be so incredible. I love you already," he told the baby, "And I'll apologize now for if I'm a little rusty when you get here. But until then, do me a favor and go easy on your mommy, okay?"

Rachel gave a teary laugh, lacing her fingers through his over her stomach. "Yes, please don't take after your father," she told their unborn child.

"Are you happy?" he asked his wife in turn.

She smiled, nodding. "I'd given up dreaming for this, but now I have everything I ever wanted. And I'm frightened, too. But, yes, I'm very happy."

* * *

Rachel didn't want to tell anyone yet, so nothing was said when the children returned home just in time for bed. The fear that something would go wrong still lingered for both of them, and Tom had no problem doing whatever his wife wanted (within reason) if it helped lower her stress level.

As they cuddled together in bed that night, Rachel shared her ideas for changes she needed to make to keep herself and her baby healthy. She knew that making life a little less hectic would be important, among other things like good nutrition and adequate rest. "I'll go into the lab after the kids are off to school," she explained, "And leave in time to be here when they get back. And I'm won't go in at night or on the weekends unless there's something truly urgent."

"Who are you and what have you done with my workaholic wife?" Tom asked. Rachel glared at him over her shoulder. He just chuckled, lightly rubbing his fingers over her stomach. He couldn't stop touching her, reassuring himself that she and their baby were right there with him. "By the way, I'm still not over the fact that I can call you that now. My beautiful wife." It hadn't even been a month since their wedding; they were definitely still in the honeymoon phase.

Rachel smiled. "Mmm. And I love that you're my wonderful husband."

"How are you going to explain this change to Dr. Warren?" he wondered. The lab's director would undoubtedly have questions.

She shrugged slightly. "I'll just say my family needs me. Oh, there is one other person who knows. I talked to Emma today." She worked at the base's lab and had been employed as a certified nurse-midwife before the Red Flu. "She had some advice on vitamin intake and said she could do an exam tomorrow."

Tom was grateful that Rachel would be able to get checked out so quickly. Hopefully the other woman would have nothing but good news and could help alleviate some of her worries. "You want me to come with you?"

Rachel shrugged. "If you want to."

He kissed her shoulder. "It's going to be fine, babe."

"You don't know that," she softly pointed out.

Tom held her close. He was unwilling to feed her fears with his own. "This baby is going to be perfect, just like our other two kids."

Rachel looked up at him in surprise. "Our?" Despite her close relationships with Ashley and Sam, they'd always been 'his'.

He nodded, gently bringing his lips to meet hers. "They are. They may not be yours biologically, but I know you couldn't love them any more if you tried. And they're over the moon for you."

She smiled, eyes shining with tears. "I'm so glad for that, but… there are so many things I don't know about them, so many moments in their lives that I wasn't there for. I'm glad it doesn't matter to them, but I'm also glad that I'll be here for every step along this baby's life."

Tom rested his chin on her shoulder. He knew that, considering his job, he wasn't going to be there all the time. In fact, he was almost certain that he wasn't even going to be there from the beginning. If he'd done his math correctly, the baby was due to be born in July, and the Nathan James would be deployed somewhere, trying to help what was left of the human race. Another child seemed destined to spend half of its life missing him.

Rachel noticed that Tom had gone quiet, and rolled over onto her back so she could see his face. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. Lying to her would only turn out badly in the end, although he didn't want to concern her with the truth. "Was just thinking about what's going to happen next year. You know the ship will leave port again in the spring, right?" She slowly nodded. "Spending another winter here will probably be feasible - "

"But you'd be gone in the summer," she deduced, her voice small. "You'd have to come back to resupply, right? So there's a chance you'd be here when the baby's born?"

Tom nodded. "There's a chance. You know I want to be here, right? I want that so much."

Rachel kissed him gently. "I know. I guess we'll just have to see what happens."

"Put it out of your mind, okay? Let's just focus on now, now, and worry about later, later."

Rachel nodded. "I'll try. Right now, I'm so glad you're here."

Tom smiled. "Me, too, babe. Me, too."

* * *

Thanksgiving was a week later; Rachel had happily agreed when Ashley suggested that they have a girls day in the kitchen to make their dinner.

"This is the best part, because it's messy," Ashley told her as they worked to prepare a fresh turkey. A bowl of seasoning was on the table, and Ashley grabbed a pinch. She then wiggled two fingers under the turkey's skin and spread the seasoning against the raw meat. "It feels really weird, but it makes it taste really good," she told Rachel with a giggle.

"So I see. Who taught you all of this?"

"My mom," Ashley replied, before correcting herself: "My first mom."

Rachel smiled, deeply touched. "You're very good."

"I like cooking," Ashley explained. "It's fun; you take all these ingredients and then you figure out how to make something with them, and hopefully everybody likes it."

"Maybe you'll grow up to be a chef," Rachel suggested.

Ashley shrugged. "Does that mean I wouldn't have to pay attention in math class anymore?"

She laughed. "No! You need all your subjects. How do you convert cups to ounces without math? Cooking has a lot to do with science, and maybe someday you'll write a cookbook with your favorite recipes. You have to know proper grammar."

"I guess," Ashley grudgingly agreed. "Okay, where's the stuffing?"

Rachel got the bowl while Ashley washed her hands. The stuffing had been a contribution from Jed, who had made it from scratch. He was also bringing grilled corn later in the afternoon. Rachel scooped a portion into the cavity of the turkey and then they were ready for the oven.

"What should we work on next?" Rachel asked once the temperature and timer were set. "Green beans or sweet potatoes?"

Ashley cocked her head, thinking about it. "Sweet potatoes. They take more time. We gotta peel them before we cook them."

So they sat down at the counter together and got to work. Rachel really enjoyed spending some rare one-on-one time with Ashley, and was certain Tom was having fun with Sam. The boys had left a little bit earlier for a football game on base. Sam was just supposed to be a spectator, since the players were all adults, but he'd been almost as excited as his father.

"Is this your first Thanksgiving?" Ashley asked Rachel, breaking her out of her thoughts. The holiday had basically been skipped the previous year. They hadn't had much to celebrate in the aftermath of Baltimore.

She shook her head. "No. I celebrated it years ago when I was doing a fellowship after university. So I know some of your traditions."

"They're your traditions now, too, right?"

Rachel smiled. "True."

"I could teach you more, if you wanted," Ashley offered. "And the history behind them. I'm actually good at social studies. Like did you know that the real Thanksgiving probably would have been in October?"

It was nice to hear her enthusiastic about something from school for once. Rachel wasn't going to discourage that. "I think I have heard that before. What else should I know?"

* * *

Just after 4pm, Tom and Sam got home. Jed had already joined Rachel and Ashley, and almost all the food was ready.

"Guess what? I know how to throw a spiral now!" Sam cried as he ran into the kitchen from the garage.

Rachel's eyes widened when she saw him - he had mud all over his shirt, the knees of his pants, and every inch of his shoes. Tom followed his son into the room, splattered with mud practically from head to toe. "Where were you two, a pig sty?!" she wondered.

Tom smiled sheepishly. "It was, uh, a little bit wet at the field."

"Really?" she sarcastically replied. "I thought this was supposed to be flag football?"

He laughed. "Yeah, well… It pretty quickly became tackle. At least the Squids won."

Rachel frowned in confusion. "Squids?"

"Yeah, our team. The numbers ended up working out so we were playing Navy vs. Coasties."

Sam started to reach for one of the dinner rolls in a basket on the counter. "Uh-uh, no," Rachel stopped him. "Both of you march yourselves upstairs and get showers. You're not touching the food or setting foot in the dining room looking like this."

"But, Mom, I'm hungry," Sam whined.

"Yeah, Mom, we're hungry," Tom teasingly mimicked him.

Rachel gave them a look that brooked absolutely no argument. "The longer it takes you, the hungrier you'll be. Take your shoes off here and don't touch anything on your way up the steps."

"How can we go up the steps without touching them?" Sam flippantly asked as he took his muddy sneakers off.

Tom hooked a finger in the collar of his son's shirt and pulled him from the room. "Don't poke the angry mama bear," he warned as they left.

Jed burst out laughing once they were gone. Ashley was also covering her mouth to hold in giggles. "What?" Rachel asked them. "I don't think it's too much to ask that everyone look respectable for dinner."

Jed chuckled. "Remind me not to cross you."

~ % ~

Tom and Sam quickly got cleaned up and redressed in clean clothes before heading back downstairs. "Much better," Rachel commented when she saw them.

Tom kissed her on the cheek. "We'll clean the bathrooms after dinner," he whispered in her ear. Rachel sighed, imagining the terrible mess they'd left upstairs, but chose to let it go.

Once all the food was placed out and everyone had full water glasses, they all sat down at the table. "Well, I guess the main thing we should all be thankful for is the fact that we're still here to enjoy this meal," Tom said. "But I thought it would be nice if we each mentioned something we're personally thankful for. I'll go first - I'm thankful for my beautiful wife, who has made me a very fortunate and happy man." They shared a secret smile, thinking of their little surprise. So far things with the pregnancy were going well, but Rachel still didn't want to tell anyone else.

"I'm thankful for my husband," Rachel added, "And the fact that we have this lovely home."

"I'm thankful Daddy's going to be here all winter," Ashley spoke up.

Sam made a noise of disgust. "I was going to say that!"

"Anything else you want to say instead, bud?" Tom patiently asked his son, trying to avoid a fight.

Sam thought about it for a moment. "I'm thankful to have my own room," he said, giving his sister a Look.

Jed snorted, and Tom stifled a chuckle. "That's… That's a good one, pal."

"I'm thankful that now we can eat!" Jed told them, making everyone laugh. "And for all of you."

"Nice save, Pop," Tom replied. "Okay, everybody, dig in." They all started passing around dishes and filling their plates.

* * *

 **TBC...**


	25. Holiday Spirit

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: HOLIDAY SPIRIT**

As November turned to December, Tom got very excited for Christmas. Unlike the previous year, he'd be able to give his kids a traditional holiday with all the trappings. By the Sunday after Thanksgiving, he already had a wreath on the front door and stockings hanging from the mantle. He would have loved to put up exterior lights on the house, but that was an unnecessary drain on the base's limited power resources. They couldn't have lights inside, either, but that wasn't going to stop Tom from having a tree. The following weekend, he and Jed went out with a few other sailors and coasties from the base to cut down Christmas trees.

While they were gone, Rachel and the kids worked on making ornaments. They'd found a couple boxes of brightly colored ball ornaments at a shop in town, but Rachel suggested that they have some personalized additions. They mixed up modeling dough from scratch, split the batch into chunks, and dyed each one a different bright color. Then they sat down at the counter to work on their creations.

"What are you making?" Ashley asked Rachel at one point.

She held up the blue sphere in her hands; she'd been adding green dough to the outside in the shapes of the continents. "When I was a little girl, we had a glass ornament shaped like the world. A light could go inside, making it glow." A sad little smile crossed her face. "Things around the world have changed a lot since then, but if we had a view of it like this… it's not all that different."

Ashley smiled. "It's pretty."

Sam held up his first ornament with a grin - a baseball. "See?"

They laughed - sometimes he was so predictable. "Good job, Sam," Rachel told him.

They made a few other 3-D objects, then rolled the remaining dough out flat and started cutting out shapes. As yellow stars, red hearts, green wreaths, and white snowmen started to pile up on a plate, Rachel was reminded of the previous Christmas. The time she'd spent with the children, making cookies and stargazing on Christmas Eve, would always have a special place in her memories. It was the start of when Ashley and Sam - and their father - had stolen her heart.

 **~ % ~**

By the time Tom and Jed got back, the ornaments were hardening and the kids had moved on to making paper link chains to decorate the banister, mantle, and tree.

"Hi, Daddy!" Ashley and Sam called when they saw Tom come in the front door.

"Where's the tree?" Sam asked.

"Outside," Tom replied. "I need you guys to help with the furniture a little bit before we bring it in."

Rachel looked up from her spot on the couch, reading a book. "You already rearranged it this morning." He'd cleared a spot in the corner for the tree before he left.

Tom laughed sheepishly. "Yeah, that's not going to cut it."

Rachel rolled her eyes as she got up. "Go on, luvs," she told the kids. "Your father got carried away."

They rotated the couch and moved the chaise totally out of the way for the time being. The kids then went out front and 'helped' Tom and Jed carry the tree inside. Rachel stifled a laugh as she watched; the men carried the majority of the weight while Sam held the tip and Ashley oversaw the whole operation, telling them when and how to turn. Finally they got the tree settled in its stand in the living room. It stood just a few inches shorter than the nine foot ceiling.

"How do you get the star on?" Ashley wondered.

"Do we have one?" Tom wondered. Sam ran to get it from their box of ornaments in the corner. Tom caught his son around the waist and lifted him up on his shoulder so he could reach to put the star on. It was touching the ceiling when he was done, but at least it wasn't leaning over in order to fit.

The kids went to town with hanging the ornaments, while Jed supervised and Tom and Rachel sat on the couch to watch. She snuggled up at his side, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"Looks like you all have been busy," Tom commented as he took in their handiwork. "I like it. The house feels full, you know?"

Rachel laid her head on his shoulder. "You have no idea." They'd managed, but felt incomplete while he was gone. Life was just amazing now, and she could almost forget it hadn't always been this way.

"See what I made, Daddy?" Sam wondered, holding up his baseball ornament.

Tom smiled. "Yeah, buddy. Looks great."

"Careful, Sammy, it's not totally dry yet," Rachel warned him.

"I know."

Tom smiled as he settled back with Rachel and kissed her forehead. "This is just about perfect."

"Oh yeah?" Tom nodded. "You see the kids added a few things to the stockings?" she pointed out. They'd put each person's first initial in glitter.

"They've done a great job. And just think," he whispered, "Next year, there'll be one more up there." He gently slid a hand over her belly. The thought that their baby was growing there under his fingers was simply amazing.

Rachel smiled, threading her fingers together with his. "Yes, there will."

* * *

A week later, Rachel had another checkup with Emma. Her first appointment hadn't given them too much information; it was just too early. Rachel had tried to push her concerns from her mind, since there wasn't anything she could do about them. As her second appointment approached, however, the nerves came back.

"How are you feeling?" the diminutive red-head asked as she, Rachel, and Tom went into one of the exam rooms at the medical center.

"Fine," Rachel replied.

"She's anxious," Tom answered for her, and earned a glare from his wife.

Emma smiled. "That's perfectly normal." During Rachel's first appointment, they'd told her about the miscarriage. She was very sensitive to their concerns and had decided to try an early ultrasound now at just past 8 weeks in order to hopefully assuage their worries. "Have you had any bleeding or cramping?" she wondered as Rachel laid down on the exam table.

She shook her head. "No, nothing."

"Good."

Rachel unbuttoned her jeans and pulled her shirt up, and Emma put some gel on her lower abdomen to help with the ultrasound wand. She started the machine up and carefully scrutinized the picture as she moved the wand around. "There we go," she commented when she found what she was looking for. She turned the screen around so they could see the picture. "There's your baby."

Both of them were transfixed by the image. Barely more than a grainy, white blob, it was still the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen. Rachel reached with one hand to touch the screen, slowly tracing a finger over the baby's head and body. "That's it's heart, right?" she wondered, pointing to a little flickering spot.

Emma nodded. "Yep. It's nice and strong. Baby looks great. I'll do measurements in a sec to try nailing down your due date."

Tom leaned over and gave Rachel a kiss. "You're amazing," he whispered to her.

"I think you were involved in this, too," she replied with a smile.

Emma smiled. "It's 50/50 responsibility, right up until she goes into labor. Then it's all your fault, Dad."

Tom laughed. "Yeah, I've heard that one before."

 **~ % ~**

Emma printed out a photo for them before they left. Rachel couldn't stop looking at it. She hadn't had this before. She hadn't made it this far into her pregnancy before the miscarriage. It was reassuring and terrifying at the same time; this was exactly what she'd hoped for, but also uncharted territory.

"I think we should tell the kids at Christmas," Tom told her as they walked home. "I know you wanted to wait longer, but… they're going to be so excited."

Rachel smiled, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. She was still worried, but knew Tom was right. Ashley and Sam were going to be ecstatic. "Alright," she agreed. "We'll tell them at Christmas."

* * *

On Christmas morning, Tom was expecting to be woken up by his children knocking on the door. He was not expecting to wake up to the sound of his wife getting sick in the bathroom.

"Babe? Are you okay?" he asked as he got up and headed over to her.

Rachel weakly nodded from her spot on the bathroom floor. She still felt terrible, but tried to force a smile to reassure him. "Yeah. I'll be fine."

Tom got a cool, wet rag for her. "I was hoping this was going away."

The nausea had been intermittent; some days she felt fine, some days she was getting sick the whole day, and some days were in-between. Rachel hoped that the inaccurately named 'morning sickness' would start to fade over the next month. "It could be considered good sign, actually," she told him. "I'm getting adequate nutrition and my body's producing the right hormones."

Tom shook his head in disbelief; not many women would have such a positive outlook. "That's one way to think of it."

There were multiple, energetic knocks on their bedroom door. "Daddy! Mom! Merry Christmas!" the kids called from the hall.

Tom went over and opened the door. "Merry Christmas, monsters."

"Where's Mom?" Sam asked, looking around for Rachel.

"In the bathroom. Why don't you guys head downstairs and get your stockings?" he suggested as a distraction. "We'll be there in a minute."

The kids didn't appear to notice anything amiss. "Okay!" Their feet thundered away down the stairs.

Tom returned to the bathroom to see Rachel slowly pulling herself up off the floor. "Are you okay for this?" he asked as he reached to help her. "You can stay up here in bed; I'll get the kids to bring their presents up."

Rachel shook her head, though instantly realized the quick motion was a bad idea. "I'm fine. It's Christmas; let's go."

 **~ % ~**

Downstairs, Sam and Ashley had taken their stockings off the mantle and were inspecting the boxes under the tree. "Hey!" Tom cried as he watched Sam pick up a box and shake it to check the contents. "One of those could bite you, you know."

Sam's eyes widened and he gently put the box back down. "Really?"

Tom laughed. "No." They were not getting the kids any pets; life was crazy enough already at the moment.

This Christmas was a little less meager than the previous one, but most of the presents were still practical. Each of the kids got some new clothes. Ashley got new supplies for making jewelry. Sam got a baseball bat and was very excited to start playing on a team in the spring. The kids had made art projects for their parents which proudly got displayed on the mantle.

"There's a couple more here," Tom said as he pulled two small boxes out from under the tree. He handed one to Sam and one to Ashley. The younger of the siblings immediately tore into his gift, but stopped when he saw what was under the lid.

"Dad?" he asked.

Tom had taken a seat on the couch with Rachel. He could hardly keep from having an ear-to-ear grin break out, knowing what was about to come. "Yeah, Sammy?"

Sam held up the t-shirt he'd just received; the front bore the message 'I'm the Big Brother'. "Why did I get this?" he started to ask, but trailed off on the last word as it dawned on him. "We get a baby brother?!" he shrieked.

Tom tugged at his ear, pretending to have hearing damage from his son's loud, high pitched voice. "Ow. Yes, you are going to have a baby sibling in July. What do you guys think of that?"

Sam jumped to his feet and started dancing around the room. Ashley pumped her first in the air. "Yes, yes, yes!" they cried.

Rachel and Tom laughed as they watched their pure joy. "Apparently we didn't need to get them any other presents," he commented to her. "The rest of this stuff was a waste."

"Is it really a brother?" Ashley asked.

"We don't know yet," Rachel replied. "The baby's still too small. But we'll be able to find out soon."

"It's a brother," Sam confidently declared.

Tom chuckled. "You're sure about that?"

He nodded. "It's a brother."

* * *

Rachel was still looking a little green, although she continued to protest that she was fine. Tom insisted that she take it easy on the couch while he worked on breakfast. Ashley and Sam decided to keep her company; they had lots of questions about the baby.

Tom put some sausage in a pan and took out a few eggs to scramble while a mug of tea steeped for Rachel. Once the tea was ready, he headed back into the living room to give it to her. The scene that awaited him made him freeze in the doorway.

Rachel and the kids were all halfway asleep again, curled up together on the chaise. Ashley and Sam each had a hand over her still-flat belly, eagerly wanting to be close to their new sibling. With all their worries and all the things that could still go wrong, moments like these became even more precious.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N: I'll be away from the internet all week, so the next chapter will be up next Sunday.**


	26. Out with the Old, In with the New

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW**

That night, Jed, Tex, the Tophets, and the Slatterys came together at the Chandler house for Christmas dinner. Everybody contributed something to the meal, so it wasn't a ton of work for the hosts. Rachel had started feeling better around lunchtime and enjoyed the afternoon in the kitchen with Ashley and Sam, making cookies and a turkey.

Once Katie and Ava had arrived with their respective parents, the four children disappeared upstairs to play. Rachel, Jed, and Kelly were talking together in the kitchen and all looked upward at the sound of a loud thud above them.

"I don't want to know, do I?" Rachel wondered. Kelly shook her head with a smile.

"Hey, monsters!" Tom called up the stairs from his spot in the living room with Mike. The two of them were getting a fire going in the fireplace. "Settle down!" There was a lot of giggling in response.

"I don't miss dealing with that," Jed commented with a chuckle. "My job's supposed to be to sugar them up and send them back home to you."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Gee, thanks."

"You're looking very lovely this evening," Kelly told her. "How's your Christmas been?"

Rachel looked down at the cranberry red knee-length dress that she was wearing. "You're the one who picked this out at the store," she reminded her friend.

Kelly nodded. "I know. I've got good taste, don't I?"

She laughed. "Yes, you do. And it's been really wonderful all being here together, seeing the children open presents and apparently get into a bit of mischief." She waved a hand in the general direction of where the kids were.

 **~ % ~**

In the living room, Tom shut the screen on the fireplace now that the flames were crackling steadily. "You ever going to find your own place?" he asked his XO. Mike was still staying at Kelly's house.

He shook his head. "It would just sit empty most of the year when we're gone. And Katie's already pretty comfortable where she is. I don't want to do anything else to disrupt her life."

Tom have his friend a knowing look. "You sure that's all?" he wondered.

Mike looked away. "I plead the fifth."

Tom chuckled. "I knew it! How long has this been going on?"

Mike glanced through the doorway into the kitchen; he could see Kelly laughing with Rachel and a smile crossed his face. "I don't know. We started talking a lot after I got back. We're from two different worlds, but we just understand each other, you know?"

Tom smirked. "Yeah, man, actually I do."

Mike chuckled softly. "Right. We're just taking things slow, seeing what happens. I don't think either of the girls are ready for this yet."

Tom nodded. "Secret's safe with me." At that moment, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" he called to the trio in the kitchen. Out on the step, he found Tex waiting. "Merry Christmas."

"Same to you," he replied as he came inside. "Am I the last one here?"

Tom nodded with a chuckle. "We're Navy. Early is on time and on time is late."

Tex laughed. "What's fashionably late?"

"Never heard of it," Mike chimed in.

"Should have known. Well, at least I come bearing gifts," Tex held up two bottles of wine. "The spoils of a… let's just call it an 'interesting' card game."

"Sounds good to me," Tom replied.

"Hi, Tex!" Ashley called as she and the other kids came down the steps.

"Hey, Missy. Was Santa good to you?"

Ashley gave him a Look. "Santa doesn't exist," she corrected him. "Mom and Dad got us presents."

Tex laughed. "Okay, okay, that's little kid stuff, I guess. Were your mom and dad good to you?" She and Sam nodded.

"Happy Christmas," Rachel told Tex as she came out of the kitchen.

He chuckled. "Can take the girl out of Britain, but can't take the British out of the girl."

She grinned. "Of course not!"

* * *

The kitchen counter became the 'kids table' while the six adults picked seats around the dining room table. As Tom, Rachel, and Jed brought the food over, Tex started pouring glasses of wine for each person.

"None for me," Rachel told him as she set down a bowl of salad in the middle of the table.

Tex grinned. "What, you're too good for my vintage?" he teased.

"No, I just…" Rachel glanced over to Tom, who was barely holding in a smile. He was ready to go scream it from the rooftops that they were expecting, but he'd been trying to follow her lead and keep it low key. "Not tonight," was all she finally said.

Tex frowned, knowing that something was going on. "You okay?"

Rachel and Tom had a brief conversation with just their eyes, while everyone else waited in suspense. Rachel finally nodded slightly, giving her husband permission to share their news. His excitement was contagious.

Tom wrapped an arm around her waist as he stood beside her. "She's fine," he answered Tex. "But alcohol's off limits for the next seven months or so." He dropped a kiss on Rachel's shoulder as his hand rested over her belly.

Kelly gasped, the first to comprehend what he was saying. "Really?!" she asked Rachel, before enveloping her friend in a hug. "A baby?!"

The other Brit nodded. "Although sometimes I can barely believe it myself."

"For real?" Mike asked Tom, reaching to shake his hand.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Way to bury the lead, man! That's fantastic, congratulations!" They were both grinning ear-to-ear.

Jed was next in line to hug Rachel. "You're giving me another grandbaby for Christmas, huh?"

"Mmm-hmm, and you won't be able to sugar this one up for a while," she replied. He laughed heartily before turning to his son.

"I'm so happy for you, Tommy. This is just wonderful news."

"We have to figure out where to go baby shopping," Kelly told Rachel.

She laughed. "Of course that's your first concern." She noticed at that Tex was just watching her with a little grin. "What?" she wondered.

His smile widened. "I toldja so," he replied.

Rachel mirrored his expression as she remembered what he'd said to her in the woods after the hurricane. It had been hard to believe then that she could be this happy now. "Yes, you did."

* * *

Over the next week, three storms brought about a foot and a half of snow to the area. Tom, Ashley, and Sam spent the afternoon of December 31st making snowmen on the front lawn. Rachel was feeling nauseous and decided to hang back in the house. She watched her family through the living room windows and noticed when a young sailor approached the house.

Almost immediately, Tom and the kids were back inside. "Change into something dry to warm up," he told Ashley and Sam as they headed up the stairs.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked her husband.

"There was a fire on one of the Coast Guard cutters."

She gasped; fire was the greatest danger at sea. "Oh no!"

"I don't know about casualties, but they're out in this storm and, among other things, don't have steering control. We're forming a response team, so I need to head over to building 1."

Rachel nodded. Everyone in the base's command chain knew that Tom was resourceful and a very good problem solver. "I assume you have no idea when you'll be back?" she wondered. They'd had plans for the evening with the kids to celebrate New Year's. There was no Times Square ball to watch drop, but a local radio station was going to have a countdown to midnight and Ashley had orchestrated a grand, multi-course dinner.

Tom shook his head. "I'm sorry, I don't." He sighed and decided to leave all his chips on the table. "I may end up sailing out of here tonight if we have to go do a rescue and recovery."

Rachel tried not to appear as stunned by that as she felt. They were supposed to have months of him being at home and not having to worry about his safety. There was supposed to be some warning before he left them again. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Tom gave her a quick kiss, knowing this wasn't a pleasant surprise, but also knowing there was nothing he could do to change it. "I have to go get my uniform on; I'll be back."

Just after he disappeared up the stairs, Ashley and Sam came back down in new clothes. "Can we have cocoa?" the younger of the siblings wondered.

"S-sure," Rachel replied, still shaken.

Ashley eyed her warily. She hadn't heard her father's conversation outside, but caught the gist of what was going on. "We're not doing New Year's anymore, are we?" she asked.

The mere idea of food made Rachel's stomach turn, but she knew how much the children had been looking forward to their celebration. She could tough it out for their sakes. "We still can," she assured them.

"Isn't Dad leaving?" Ashley persisted.

"He may be back in time… And if he's not, then it'll just be us. Just like in the fall."

"Is the ship leaving?" Sam wondered.

"I don't know," Rachel truthfully answered. "Let's just take things one step at a time."

* * *

Once Tom left, Ashley and Sam pulled out recipes and ingredients, bowls and pots and pans. Rachel sat at the counter to watch as Ashley go everything organized and showed her brother what his tasks were. Normally, Sam balked at the idea of taking orders from his older sister, but it seemed like both of them were craving some structure that afternoon. When their lives became chaotic, they needed something ordered and predictable.

Rachel wondered how the children had managed so far, how they were so well adjusted when the threat of their family being torn apart was always there. How they could allow themselves to depend on someone who might have to leave them at a moment's notice? When she'd fallen in love with Tom, she'd given up control of her life to the Navy. She'd been aware of the deal she was agreeing to when she married him, but actually living with it was tougher to handle.

"Do you want to stir?" Sam's voice broke into her thoughts. He offered a bowl and a spoon.

"No, thanks, luv."

"Is the baby still making your stomach upset?" Ashley wondered.

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, a little bit."

"Do you want some tea?"

She smiled. "Not right now, thank you."

"Are you going to be okay?" Sam timidly asked.

It suddenly dawned on Rachel that maybe life had never been under her control. There was the illusion of it, but… Her unborn child was more in control of her body than she was at the moment. Other people had decided where she would be accepted for university, where she could have a job. A random virus still held the entire planet in its clutches. At least in giving up some control to what was left of the United State Navy, she'd gained a pretty incredible family in return.

"Yes, luv," she answered Sam with a little smile. "I'm going to be fine."

* * *

Rachel didn't end up eating much of the kids' feast. She felt guilty, but they didn't seem to mind. The siblings carefully packed up containers of leftovers for her and their father to enjoy later whenever Rachel felt better and Tom got home.

They curled up together on the couch in the living room to listen to the radio broadcast; the station played music until midnight. Ashley worked on making bracelets for her friends while Sam played some puzzle games he'd gotten from his grandfather for Christmas and Rachel read a couple old journal articles from before the virus. It was a nice, quiet evening.

At about 11:50, Rachel realized that Sam had fallen asleep against her side. Ashley was still awake, but looking pretty drowsy. "Should we wake him up?" the scientist asked. She hadn't spent New Year's with the family the previous year.

Ashley thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "He'll be mad tomorrow if we don't."

Rachel gently shook Sam's shoulder. "Come on, darling; it's almost midnight."

After a couple attempts to rouse him, Sam finally groaned and stretched. "I'm tired!" he whined.

"We gotta see the new year," Ashley told her brother.

"Where's Daddy?" Sam wondered as he sleepily looked around.

"He's not home yet," Rachel told him, "So we'll have to celebrate with him later."

They each got a cup of juice from the kitchen and sat back down together. "Ten seconds to midnight, everybody," the announcer on the radio said. "Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, Happy New Year!"

"Happy New Year!" Ashley told Sam and Rachel as they clinked their glasses together.

"Happy New Year, luvs."

After taking a sip of his juice, Sam put a hand on Rachel's stomach. "Happy New Year, little brother," he told the baby. "This is going to be your year!"

Rachel laughed. "Yes, it will be."

"It could be our little SISTER'S year," Ashley pointedly told her brother.

He shook his head, fighting a yawn. "No, it's a brother."

"Alright, off to bed with both of you," Rachel told them, "Before you fall asleep down here again. See you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Mom," they chorused as they headed for the stairs.

Rachel cleaned up their glasses and finished straightening up the kitchen and living room. She was about to turn out the lights and head up to bed for herself when she heard a key in the front door. A burst of cold air and snow followed Tom inside before he could close the door behind him.

"Phew," he sighed. "Damn, it's cold out there!"

Rachel smiled, reaching to brush a few snowflakes from his hair. "I wasn't sure if we would see you tonight."

"Yeah, me either. Things are under control on the cutter, they're on their way back to port."

"Was anyone hurt?" Rachel wondered.

He nodded. "Two dead, more injured. But it could have been a lot worse… How did things go with the kids?"

"Fine. They saved food for you if you're hungry."

"Starving."

Rachel chuckled and led the way into the kitchen. She made up a plate for him and reheated the food in the microwave. While the timer counted down, she smiled at her husband and gave him a kiss.

"What was that for?" Tom wondered.

"Because I love you. And I'm glad you are here, even if it's a little later than I'd hoped. This is the start of another year of our lives together."

Tom grinned, leaning over to kiss her again. "I wouldn't want to be starting the year with anyone else."

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N: Back from vacation and back to updates! Hope everyone's having a nice weekend.**


	27. the Kernel

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: THE KERNEL**

Rachel's next appointment with Emma was five weeks later. They'd celebrated Sam's tenth birthday the day before; his wish on his candles was that they'd find out he was getting a baby brother.

"What is he going to do if it's a girl?" Rachel asked Tom as they waited in an exam room at the medical center.

"Probably cry," he replied with a chuckle.

Rachel have him a Look. "Thomas…" she scolded. She knew that he was probably right, and that just made her feel worse.

Tom put a hand over the little swell of her belly. Rachel had just barely started to show; normally it was only noticeable in tighter shirts. "You are gonna make your poor brother very unhappy if you're a little girl," he told the baby.

Rachel threaded her fingers through his hair. "What about his or her Daddy? What do you want the baby to be?"

Tom grinned up at her. "Healthy. And beautiful like his or her mom."

She smiled. "Good answer, Commander."

He laughed. "I thought so."

The door opened and Emma came in. "Sorry I'm late. Be glad you're not at the lab today."

Rachel laughed. "Oh, dear."

"Anyway, let's get this rolling." She sat down and started setting up the ultrasound machine. "Anything that I don't know about? You've been doing okay?"

"Fine," Rachel replied as she laid back on the bed. "I think the morning sickness is finally over."

"That's fantastic. You haven't been feeling sick at all?"

She shook her head. "No. Actually, I've been feeling pretty wonderful. My appetite is back, and I've had a lot more energy."

Emma smiled as she put the ultrasound wand on Rachel's bare stomach. "The joys of the second trimester. Enjoy it while it lasts."

The sound of the baby's heartbeat suddenly filled the room. Emma paused to count the beats, allowing the parents to revel in the noise. "Baby's healthy?" Tom wondered.

Emma nodded. "Nice and strong. Exactly what I wanted to hear." She moved the wand around until they could see their child more clearly on the screen. She took a few measurements and notes before getting to the part of the checkup that they were anxiously awaiting. Rachel noticed as her friend frowned, biting her lip.

"What is it?" she wondered.

"It looks like someone's being shy today…" Emma replied. From the view she had, it wasn't possible to see if the baby was a boy or a girl.

Tom frowned. "You mean you can't tell what it is?"q

She tried again, adjusting the position of the wand. "I don't think… Wait, hang on a sec. Baby just turned…" She smiled at the couple. "Do you want to know?"

They both laughed. "Definitely!"

"Well…"

~ % ~

When Rachel and Tom got home after the appointment, Sam and Ashley were working at the dining room table. "How's the homework coming?" Tom asked.

"Okay," Sam replied. "I need help with my math problems."

"Sure, buddy."

"Can you read over my English paper?" Ashley asked Rachel, holding up a few sheets of looseleaf.

"Of course, luv. But we have something for you, first." She handed them an ultrasound photo that had been taken during her appointment.

"Is that our brother?" Sam wondered, awed. The picture was so much better than the last one they'd seen; the baby was actually starting to look like a person now.

"It could still be a sister," Ashley reminded him for the umpteenth time.

Tom stood next to Rachel, wrapping his arm around her waist. "No, it's not," he told the children with a grin.

They both looked up quick. "It's really a boy?" Ashley asked.

"I told you it was a brother!" Sam cried. "I told you, I told you!" He leapt up from his seat and wrapped his arms around Rachel, placing his hand over the tiny bump of her belly. "Hi, little brother," he told the baby. "It's me, Sam. I knew you were a boy. You're going to be my best friend."

Rachel grinned, enjoying seeing how much Sam loved the baby already. "I take it you're happy now?" she asked him. Sam nodded vigorously.

Tom smiled as he watched them together, the sight warming his heart. He'd known his son would be overjoyed by their news. "Is he talking back to you?" he teased.

Sam laughed and was starting to shake his head in response when Rachel gasped. Instantly, everyone was worried. Sam pulled his hand away from her body, fear all over his face. "Did I do something wrong?" he wondered.

Tom took Rachel's arm. "Are you okay?"

For an eternal moment, she was silent, her attention focused inward. Then she smiled up at her husband. "I felt him."

"What?"

Her smile widened. "I think I felt the baby move. Been feeling it, really, but I didn't realize what it was until just now." She ruffled Sam's hair. "It appears he likes his big brother."

He instantly put his hand back on her belly, and Ashley jumped up from her seat to join him. "I want to feel it!" Sam cried.

"I'm not sure if you'll be able to yet," Rachel warned. "The baby's still very little."

She moved their fingers to the right spot, and both children eagerly waited, but they couldn't feel the tiny movements. Disappointment was painted all over their faces.

"Hey," Tom tried to console them, kneeling between them, "At least we know the baby's doing okay. He'll be bigger soon and then you can feel it."

"What are you going to name him?" Ashley wondered.

"We're not sure yet," Rachel replied. "Do you have any suggestions?" Ashley shook her head, but Sam had an idea.

"Thomas," he piped up. "After Daddy."

Tom smiled. "Buddy, if I was going to do that, it would have been your name. I wanted you - and now your brother - to be free to be whoever you want, not feel like you gotta follow in my footsteps."

Sam shrugged. "Okay. What about Brian? Or Henry? Or Ryan?"

Rachel grinned. "Well, now we know where to go for ideas."

* * *

Despite the fact that his children hadn't been able to feel the baby moving earlier in the evening, Tom still diligently tried for himself as he and Rachel laid in bed together that night. He propped himself up on one elbow beside her, holding his other hand over her stomach.

"Is he moving now?" he wondered.

She smiled, enjoying their carefree moment together. "Yes."

Tom shook his head, thoroughly discouraged. "I've got nothing."

Rachel laughed. "He's about the size of a large apple, my love. You're putting an awful lot of pressure on his tiny little shoulders."

He grinned as he gave up and laid down beside her. "What does it feel like?"

"Um… like popcorn," she decided with a laugh.

"Popcorn?"

"Yeah, it's these little pops, or twitches. That's the only thing I can think of."

Tom chuckled. "Largest popcorn kernel ever." Rachel smiled. "Our little kernel... I can't believe we're having another son." He flattened his palm over her stomach. He would have been happy with either a boy or a girl, but now that they knew for sure… He'd instantly started to picture years of playing catch, riding bikes, and making messes around the house. What would he be like? Smart like his mother or athletic like his father? Or maybe both?

Rachel curled up on her side in his embrace. "Why do I get the feeling you're going to be the ringleader of all sorts of mischief with your boys?"

Tom chuckled. "Who me? I'm an angel." She scoffed. "You know what Ashley asked me when I went to say goodnight?" She shook her head. "She's okay with having another brother - as if she has a choice - but she wanted to know if next time, we can have a girl."

Rachel laughed. "Oh, goodness. Can I get through the first time before we start talking about a next time?"

He kissed her shoulder. "I think that's fair. Are you warm enough?" he wondered, realizing that her skin felt cool. It had been an absolutely frigid winter.

"Maybe a little cold," she admitted. Tom pulled the blankets up and held her close, gently rubbing a hand up and down her arm. "Mmm, that's much better… What do you think he'll be like?" she softly wondered.

"Our son?"

Rachel nodded. "Do you think he'll be your little mini-me?" She could picture their son riding around on his father's shoulders or making sandcastles with his siblings at the beach. The future held a lot of promise.

"Maybe. Or maybe he'll be just like you. Adorable and smart as hell."

She smiled. "You really don't want a Thomas Jr., huh?"

Tom shook his head. "Nah."

"Don't you like your name?"

He grimaced. "I've learned to live with it."

Rachel laughed. "Okay, what do you think we should call him, then?"

Tom smirked. "Nathan. Or James."

* * *

Rachel's recent dreams had been somewhat strange and distorted. She'd attributed it to her erratic, morning sickness-induced eating patterns; she'd discovered in university that late night snacks often gave her nightmares. But tonight her dreamworld was totally serene.

It was a bright and sunny morning, and as she rolled over in bed, reaching for her husband, she almost rolled onto a lump between them. A small toddler boy with faintly curled brown hair. Rachel just stared at him, breathless.

He was lying on his stomach, clad in white and blue striped footie pajamas. His long, fine eyelashes were splayed against his cheeks as he slept. A little thumb dangled from his mouth, a habit they couldn't seem to get him to break. The fingers of his other hand had grasped a fistful of his father's T-shirt sleeve. He was tucked against Tom's side, secure in the knowledge that his father could easily chase away bad dreams and closet monsters alike. The sight of the pair of them together brought tears to her eyes.

Slowly, as though she was afraid physical contact would end the dream, Rachel reached a hand out to touch her son's face. She traced a finger over his cheek, down his little nose, and smiled when he stirred, yawning and wriggling closer to the warmth of his father's body. When the little boy's eyes suddenly opened, she found herself captivated by their bottomless blue depths.

"Hi, Mommy," he said, his voice hoarse with sleep.

Rachel almost choked on a little sob of happiness. "Hi, my darling. Good morning."

He shifted over and wrapped his arms around her neck in a hug. He felt so warm, so real in her arms. She never wanted to let him go. "Wuv you," he whispered into her ear.

Rachel smiled. "I love you, too. So much, already."

~ % ~

In the real world, Rachel awakened to a cold and gray February day. She was on her side, facing the windows, with Tom behind her. His arm was draped protectively over her waist, his hand over her stomach. As she thought of their son, she could feel a couple tiny movements.

"Soon, luv," she whispered to him. "Soon you'll really be in our arms."

* * *

A few weeks later, when Rachel arrived home after work and a stop at the base's farmers market, she was surprised to walk into the kitchen and find Tom was already home. "You're off early," she commented.

He nodded as he came over to wrap his arms around her. "Yeah. How are you?" His hand slid over her small protruding stomach and she knew he'd meant the plural 'you'.

"We're fine. I think your son is having a nap; he's been quiet for a little bit."

"You're supposed to sleep at night, little kernel," he told the baby with a small smile.

Rachel laughed. "Hopefully he figures that out as he gets bigger. Where are the kids?"

"Up in their rooms, working on homework." They'd both been grumpy when they got home after a long day, so separating them had seemed like the easiest way to keep the peace.

"Ah. Can you help me bring the food in, then? I was going to get them to do it." Rachel knew she wasn't supposed to be lifting anything heavy. So far, she hadn't really complained about any of her pregnancy restrictions. Whatever kept the baby healthy was fine with her. The intense fear of another miscarriage had lessened after her first trimester, but still not completely vanished.

"Sure," Tom agreed and headed for the garage to get the bags from their car.

When he came back inside, Rachel was getting out pans and other items she'd need for making dinner. "What do you think?" she asked him. "Rice or pasta for the side?"

Tom took the pan out of her hand and turned off the stove. "We need to talk," he told her. He'd been waiting for her to get back and couldn't put it off a second longer.

Rachel frowned. "I don't like conversations that start like this."

He pressed his lips to her forehead in a gentle kiss before pulling her over to sit at the counter. "I know. I spoke with Admiral Williams today."

Rachel suddenly knew where this was going. "When do you leave?" she quietly asked. They'd had a wonderful few months together, but she'd known this was coming. It wasn't a 'maybe' this time, it was really happening and she knew she'd have to make peace with it.

"In a week," Tom replied.

"North or South?"

He hesitated slightly before answering, "South."

Rachel's eyebrows knitted. "How far south? The Gulf of Mexico?"

Tom shook his head. "No. We're going a lot further… A facility in Brazil got word to us through the satellite network. They think they can get running producing the cure, so… we're going to South America."

She blinked. "H-how can you operate that far away from the base?" They'd been counting on the fact that even if Tom was deployed through the summer and fall, the ship would return to Portsmouth every so often for supplies and a new stock of the cure. That gave him at least some chance of being there to see his third child come into the world. But it would take too much time and a ludicrous amount of fuel to go back and forth to New England from South America.

He took a deep breath. "If we can get them operational producing the cure, then Belém will be our resupply port for the next few months. We won't come back here until winter, or…"

"Or, what?" she wondered.

Tom sighed. He didn't want to do this to her, but knew he couldn't surprise her with it later. If they were needed badly in another part of the country or world, they couldn't sit idle in Portsmouth for a few months. "Or maybe not even then."

Rachel just stared at him, speechless.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N: Couldn't stay in fluff-town forever!**

 **I've got an idea for Baby Boy Chandler's name, but feel free to send suggestions. I could be persuaded to change my mind.**


	28. Fair

**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT: FAIR**

That evening, things around the Chandler house were, at best, tense. Rachel was very quiet and disappeared up to bed early. Tom didn't say anything to the kids yet; he was mulling over some ideas. The following afternoon, he went fishing with his father. Tom needed someone other than his overwhelmed wife to share his thoughts with, and Jed wanted to test out some new lures. It was a win-win for everybody.

"Another front is coming in," Jed commented as they sat on the bank. "Knees are acting up."

"You been to the doc?" Tom wondered.

His father dismissively waved a hand in his direction. "Meh. They won't tell me anything I don't already know."

Tom shook his head; he knew that he came by his own stubbornness honestly. "Sure, Pop."

"So," Jed said, throwing his son a sideways look, "I can't remember the last time we did this. What's on your mind?"

Tom sighed. His father had always been good at cutting straight to the chase. "I got new orders yesterday."

"Ah." They'd all known that this was coming eventually. Now his son's melancholy mood was starting to make sense. "Where are you going?"

"South America. Wouldn't be back for months, at a minimum."

Jed raised an eyebrow. "They still got folks left down there?"

Tom nodded. "Yeah, some."

"Incredible. They've gotta be pretty damn resourceful."

"Yeah… I'm considering resigning my command."

Jed did a double take and almost dropped his pole. He hadn't anticipated that announcement at all. "What?!"

Tom gazed out over the water. "My wife is pregnant with our first child," he began to explain.

"You've been in this situation before, Tommy," Jed reminded him.

"I know… And I'm not sure if I would have left Darien if I'd known she was pregnant with Ashley before I re-upped."

"Of course you would have," Jed immediately responded. "This is who you are."

Tom sighed, knowing he was right. Hindsight was 20-20; when his daughter was born, he hadn't been able to fully appreciate what he was giving up by not being with her. Now he knew differently and wondered if he should take another path. "You know, I saw you as a legend when I was little." Jed had also been in the military. "My dad, the hero. But I didn't actually see you enough to get to know you until I was practically grown."

Jed looked away. "That's the price we pay."

"Yeah, you signed up for this. And I signed up for this. My kids… They didn't have a choice in the matter." Ashley and Sam and his late wife had put up with so much because of the life he'd chosen for all of them. Now Rachel and their new son would carry the same burden. "I want to know them, Pop. And I want them to know me. I thought I'd have a chance at being close by, seeing them sometimes, but… We're going halfway around the damn world. I'm not really making things any better for them if I lose them in the process."

"What would you do instead? And that's assuming the Admiral even lets you stay; you've made a commitment to your country."

"And what about my commitment to my family?!" he shot back. "I will always do whatever I can to help whoever I can. THAT is who I am. But there's gotta be a fair trade in this somewhere, doesn't there?"

Jed slowly nodded. He could appreciate everything his son struggled with. Maybe he would have been closer to his own three children if he'd considered the choice Tom was wrestling with now. "What does Rachel think of all this?"

"I haven't told her yet. Still been thinking it all over."

Jed fixed his son with a Look. "But she knows you're leaving, right?"

Tom rolled his eyes. "Yes, Pop."

"Good. 'Cause otherwise I'd go ahead and give her the gun to shoot you with."

"Mmm." Tom knew he'd left his father to deal with his mess back in the fall. He'd never do that again to either of them.

"How did she take the news?" Jed wondered.

Tom sighed. Rachel was being very brave, but he could easily see through the façade. "She was quiet. I know she's going to hate being separated. I'm sure she's apprehensive about handling everything on her own."

Jed nodded. "I know I'm not you, but I'll be there whenever she needs anything."

"I know, and I appreciate it."

"You think she'd want you to stay?" Jed wondered. "You think she'd want you to give up on this mission that SHE started?" Even when no one else had believed in her, Rachel had been certain that a cure could be found and the world could be helped.

Tom sighed. He'd been trying to think of what would be best for his family, but hadn't asked himself that question. There was still work to be done, and a limited few around the world had the resources to do it. What would his wife want, if all the options were on the table?

"No," he told his father. "Actually, I think she'd come back on the James herself in an instant if she could." Jed nodded in agreement. Staying wouldn't solve everything.

* * *

When Tom got home, Rachel was in the kitchen, starting work on dinner. He stood in the doorway for a long moment, just watching her. The long-sleeve white shirt she was wearing was form-fitting and showed off the little swell of her belly. She'd been saying recently that most of her pants didn't fit anymore, but he knew it was just a token complaint. He'd caught her in front of the mirror that morning just staring at her profile. It made him sad to know that he was about to miss all the changes her body was about to go through.

Rachel startled when she turned to go to the fridge and realized she was no longer alone. "You scared me half to death," she told him, one hand over her heart.

Tom smiled. "Sorry. Just enjoying the view."

She rolled her eyes as she retrieved some vegetables from the fridge. "Of course you were."

As she started washing the squash in the sink, Tom wrapped his arms around her from behind. His hand unerringly found its way to her stomach. A couple tiny twitches against his fingers let him know their son was awake. He kissed her cheek, then her lips when she turned her head to look at him.

"I love you," he whispered.

Rachel smiled. "I love you, too."

"You're my north star. You're always there, guiding me home."

Rachel shut off the water and leaned back into his embrace. The familiar smell of his aftershave was so comforting; she tried to savor the moment, knowing that the memory would have to last her for many months. "Promise me you'll come home," she whispered.

Tom sighed; he wasn't going to lie to her or pretend that the risks he faced weren't real. "I promise I'll do everything I can." That would have to be good enough. "I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss moments like this, time to just be with you or the kids. Everyday life becomes something more when you don't get to experience it every day."

Rachel slowly nodded. "We'll just have to find ways to keep you involved in all the everyday things. Video calls and pictures." Tom nodded. "You know we'll be here waiting for you."

He kissed her again. "I do."

She sighed. "We still have to tell the children."

Tom was unspeakably grateful that she'd used 'we' instead of 'he.' They truly were a team. "Yeah, I know. And I won't draw it out. Tonight after dinner?" Rachel nodded.

* * *

After eating, Ashley and Sam started to go do their assigned chores cleaning up, but Tom stopped them. "Sit back down, guys. Rachel and I need to talk to you."

The children warily reclaimed their seats. "Are we in trouble?" Sam wondered.

"No, pal. Nobody's in trouble. But I found out some news yesterday. I'm going to be deploying next week."

Dismay was clear all over Sam's face. "No, Dad, don't go!"

Rachel took his hand across the table. "We knew this was going to happen, didn't we, luv?" she asked him. "We knew every minute we were together was important."

"I love you guys so much," Tom told his kids. "I wish I could be in two places at once, to be here with you all the time. But you're going to be fine, okay? You're going to be here with Rachel and Grandpop will help out, too, when you need him. And you're going to keep learning a ton in school and then have a great summer." He didn't want them to focus on the negatives.

"How long are you going to be gone?" Ashley quietly asked. Her face was an impassive mask.

"They're not sure," Rachel chimed in, "But at least until fall."

Sam startled at that. "What about our baby brother?" he asked his father, seemingly horrified by the idea that he wouldn't be there for his birth.

"I'm gonna need a lot of pictures," Tom told him. "And lots of stories about what he's like. Do you think you can help me with that?" Sam nodded. "Good. You're gonna be the man of the house now, bud. I need you to help Rachel and not fight with your sister too much and eat all your vegetables. Will you do that?"

Another nod. "I will. I promise."

With Sam somewhat appeased, Tom turned to his eldest. He was expecting Ashley to be the most unhappy - and vocal - one on the family. "What are you thinking, sweetheart?"

"Are you going away to help people?" she wondered.

Tom nodded. "We are. Hopefully lots of people, in an area that we've never gotten to before. I'll be down in South America."

Ashley slowly nodded, considering that. "So you're trying to fix the world, like it used to be?"

"I don't know if it's going to be like it was any time soon," Tom corrected her. "But at least I hope it can be better than it is now. That's what I'm working on."

Ashley got up from the table, and Tom feared she was going to bolt on him again, but instead she came around and gave him a hug. "Good luck," she told him.

Tom pulled his daughter onto his lap. No matter how big she got, she'd never be too big to hold. "Thank you, sweetheart. I love you all more than life itself. You're the reason I do this job."

She nodded, leaning her head against his. "I know. And we're proud of you."

Tom kissed her cheek, working hard to swallow the lump in his throat. "That means more to me than you could possibly know."

* * *

 **TBC...**


	29. Goodbye

**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: GOODBYE**

 **A/N: I know I'm late, sorry. House projects have taken over my life and this chapter was being** **stubborn. Hope it's worth the wait.**

 **This chapter is rated M for sexual situations in the first part. Reader discretion advised.**

* * *

On the last night before the Nathan James left port, Ashley and Rachel made dinner together for Tom. Jed joined them and the family enjoyed a nice night together.

When it finally got to be bedtime, Tom went upstairs with the kids to get them tucked in and and settled. They each wanted extra hugs and reassurances before their long separation. When both of them were snuggled under warm blankets with the lights turned out, Tom closed their bedroom doors and then went looking for his wife.

The bedside lamps were off in the master bedroom, but he could see light coming from under the bathroom door. As he opened the door, a fog of warm, damp air poured out. Rachel was taking a shower, standing under the spray as the water cascaded over her body.

"Did the children get to sleep okay?" she asked when she noticed him.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Figured I'd shower tonight since we have to be up so early tomorrow," Rachel explained. The sun wouldn't even be up yet when they left the house for the dock.

Tom tugged his shirt over his head and let his jeans fall to the floor. Rachel looked up from rinsing suds from her hair as he opened the glass door to the shower. "You didn't think that I was going to leave you in here all by yourself, did you?" he asked with a mischievous smile as he joined her.

She grinned, standing on her toes to kiss him. "I'd hoped not."

He'd been so gentle with her since they found out about the baby, tonight even more so. Tom leaned back against the cold tile wall so Rachel wouldn't have to, and carefully held her close as he slipped his hand between her thighs to test whether she was ready for him. As his strong, skilled fingers met her core, Rachel couldn't help a whimper.

"Please, my love," she softly pleaded. This was the last time they'd be together for months. She didn't want any teasing or delays tonight, just one beautiful memory to hold on to.

Tom didn't want to make her beg; without any further preamble, he lifted her up and buried himself within her. Rachel braced her hands on his shoulders, gently trailing kisses from his temple to his neck as he slowly thrusted in and out. She bit her lip to keep in a moan as he suddenly hit just the right spot to make stars burst behind her eyes.

"I love you," she whispered over and over against the shell of his ear as she floated down from her high.

Tom held her close as he found his own release, muffling a groan against her shoulder. "God, I love you, too."

Once she'd recovered, Rachel slipped down to stand on her own two feet, pressing her lips to his. In the middle of a long, languid kiss, the water raining down on them from the showerhead suddenly went cold. Rachel let out a little shriek of surprise, while Tom quickly reached to shut the water off. In the now-silent bathroom, they stared at each other for a minute before starting to laugh.

"Well that was unexpected," Tom commented with a chuckle.

"I'm glad I got the shampoo out of my hair," Rachel added, giggling.

Tom opened the door and reached for a towel. He wrapped it around Rachel's body before reaching to get one for himself.

They went through their normal nighttime routine, coordinatedly moving back and forth around the small room as they dried off, brushed their teeth, and completed other tasks. In their bedroom, Rachel pulled on a T-shirt and cotton pants and Tom found a pair of boxers to wear to sleep. They cuddled up together under the comforter, his larger frame spooned behind hers.

"Baby's not ready for bed yet," Rachel commented. Tom moved his hand to feel the little movements.

"Give your mom a break," he told their unborn son. "Although I'm going to miss feeling you make your presence known. I'm sorry I won't be here to see you get bigger and come into the world. Hopefully I'll get to see you before too long."

The sound of a sniffle got him to look up. Rachel quickly wiped at her eyes.

"Babe?"

"I'm fine," she protested.

Tom used his thumb to catch one of her tears. "Oh, really?"

She nodded, very unconvincingly. "I'm sorry; I'm trying to be brave for you."

He held her closer. "You don't have to do that."

"I know I'm not supposed to make this any harder for you," Rachel persisted.

Tom sighed. "I'm not sure if it's possible to make it any harder. Where are you getting this from?"

"What?"

"That you're 'supposed to' be doing something or 'not supposed to' be doing something."

Rachel shrugged slightly. "A couple women at the school thing the other night." There'd been a family activity fair at the base's school. It has been a really fun night and Tom was grateful that he hadn't missed it, but now he was perhaps starting to wish that his wife had.

"What did they say?" he suspiciously wondered.

"Mostly we talked about the kids, spring sports and such… They knew you were going to be leaving."

"And they told you things you should and shouldn't do?" Tom deduced.

Rachel nodded. "I want to be good at this," she told him. "I can be a good scientist and researcher, but I want to be a good mother - "

"Babe, you are fantastic," he interrupted.

"And a good Navy wife, for you," she added. "Like - "

"Don't," Tom told her. "Don't compare yourself." He couldn't let her finish that sentence.

More tears escaped, and the sight ripped at his heart. Not once in their relationship had he seriously tried to compare Rachel to his first wife; it was a slippery slope to nothing good. Before now, she'd always seemed self-assured enough not to do it, either. But, then again, they'd never been in this exact situation before and he knew her fluctuating hormones weren't helping matters. You're doing a number on your mom tonight, huh? Tom thought as he felt the baby flip around under his hand.

"I didn't marry you expecting you to be like Darien," he proclaimed. "I married you because I love you as you are." He didn't want her ever thinking that she was simply a replacement.

Rachel sniffled. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, honey. I'll tell you that whenever you need to hear it."

"I wish this wasn't so hard," she whispered. "How do people go through this over and over again?"

"Taking it one day at a time," he replied. "You're allowed to feel however you feel; don't think that you've got to hide it from me, not anymore. I went through four months of the 'ice queen' routine when we first met, and that was more than enough for a lifetime."

Rachel gave a teary chuckle. "Ice queen?"

He laughed, too. "Do you have a better name for it?" She shook her head. "But I knew the first time you went toe-to-toe with me that you had more passion trapped in your little body than I'd ever know what to do with. And I love that about you, too."

Rachel turned over onto her other side so she could see him. "I love you, too," she promised.

"I wish I could make this easier for you. You know I'll be back here the second I can be."

She nodded. "I know. And I know this is hard for you, too, my love. We'll be missing you, but you'll be missing all of us." The challenges they faced were different, but still both bad.

Tom kissed her forehead. "I wouldn't go if I didn't have confidence that you'll be okay."

Rachel snuggled deeper into his embrace and closed her eyes. If he could believe it, then she could have faith, too.

* * *

In the morning, the family bundled up in winter clothes and went down to the pier to see the Nathan James off. It was a bitterly cold morning, which helped to keep goodbyes short and straightforward.

As the Chandlers stood together on the pier, Ashley handed her father a present - a beaded bracelet. "I made you a new one," she told Tom. Every other bead had a letter on it - A, R, S, T - to represent each member of their family. "This one's for our brother," she explained, pointing out a blank blue bead. "Since I didn't know his name yet."

Tom kissed her forehead. "This is beautiful, sweetheart, thank you."

She forced a smile. "I'll miss you."

"Me, too," Sam piped up.

"I'm going to miss you guys, too," he promised as he hugged them close. "So much. But we'll call whenever we can, right?" They nodded. "I need you guys to be good and watch out for Rachel for me. Will you do that?" They both nodded again.

"They don't need to be worried about me," Rachel told him.

Tom gave her a gentle kiss. "Humor me." She forced a smile. "You take care of yourself, okay? And the little Kernel." He rested a hand over her belly, and she threaded her fingers through his.

"I will. We'll be fine." She was smiling, but also fighting back tears. "We will, my love. It's okay," she bravely tried to reassure him.

Tom shuffled his feet slightly, hesitant to leave them. "You know how much I love you?" he asked one last time, just to be sure.

Rachel nodded. "I do. I love you, too."

After one final kiss, he turned away and headed for the ramp. The rest of his family watched together as he saluted the American flag at the stern and then disappeared from their sight.

Ashley sniffled loudly, and Rachel wrapped one arm around her, then used the other to hug Sam close, too. "It's going to be okay, luvs," she promised the children as they both started crying. "We'll be alright."

* * *

Ashley and Sam were quiet and despondent as they trudged back into the house with Rachel. The siblings peeled off their winter clothes and sank down on the couch together, staring at nothing.

"Do you want breakfast?" Rachel asked. They shook their heads. "Are you sure?"

"I'm not hungry," Ashley replied.

"Me either," Sam added.

Rachel sat down on the chaise in front of them. "I know you guys are missing your father, and he's going to miss you, too. I have an idea for something we can do for him, though, to let him see how we're doing. Are you interested?" The kids nodded.

Upstairs, Rachel taped a few sheets of paper to the wall in the master bedroom. She offered a black marker to Ashley. "What am I supposed to do?" the young girl asked.

Rachel stood in front of the paper. "Right now, your baby brother is very small, but he's going to get bigger and your dad won't be here to see it. I thought if we make an outline of my belly every week, he can see how the baby grows with time. What do you think?"

They started by tracing a line along her back, then another around her stomach. "I want to do it!" Sam cried as Ashley kept the marker for both.

"How about you switch off each week?" Rachel suggested. "You'll each get plenty of turns." She still had almost four months to go until the baby was born. "Sam, can you do the label? Write today's date, right there." She pointed on the paper, and he did so, eager to help.

They all stood back to admire their handiwork. "How big is the baby going to get?" Sam wondered.

"Remember what Kara looked like with Chloe?" Ashley asked him.

"Oh, yeah." He put a gentle hand on Rachel's stomach. "I wish that he was bigger now. I want him to be born already."

Rachel smiled. "The time will go by faster than you think. Let me get a picture of you two with the paper. We can send it to your father; I'm sure that will make him happy."

She grabbed a camera, and Ashley and Sam posed together. They took a few different pictures, both with smiles and silly expressions.

"That's lovely," she sarcastically told the children as they both made scary faces.

Sam smiled proudly. "Can we have breakfast?" he wondered.

"So your appetite has made a return?" Rachel asked. He nodded. "Alright. How about we make some pancakes?"

"Blueberry?" Sam inquired.

"No," Ashley protested. "Chocolate chip!"

Rachel smiled. She was happy to see that the children were able to forget about their sadness, if only for a little while. They all had to keep living their lives. "Why don't we do both?"

"Yay!"

* * *

 **TBC...**


	30. Serenity, Strength, and Wisdom

**CHAPTER THIRTY: SERENITY, STRENGTH, AND WISDOM**

Rachel smiled at the gorgeous summer day that surrounded her. It was a dream, she knew - in reality, it was mid-April and had snowed lightly just a couple days earlier - but it was a beautiful dream. She was sitting on a beach near the base, watching as Sam, Ashley, and Tom played in the water. The kids shrieked happily as they had a splash fight.

 _Will this be this summer?_ she wondered to herself. It would be fantastic if Tom could come home early.

Rachel was startled as a handful of sand landed on her folded legs. She looked down to find a brown haired little boy - her son - digging a moat around a roughly-constructed sand castle. His tiny tongue hung out the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on the task before him.

"I make a big castle," he told his mother.

She smiled. "It's lovely, darling. Do you need any help?" She reached for a bright green plastic shovel, ready to lend a hand. However, he gave a little cry of protest and put a hand on hers to stop her.

"No, Mommy," he declared, shaking his head vehemently. "I do it self!"

Rachel smiled at his fierce insistence on independence. _You are your father's son._ "Okay, luv. I'll just watch." He went back to happily digging away.

A few minutes later, Tom jogged up to them, dripping wet. Rachel wasn't ashamed to admit she took a minute to admire his physique as he approached. She missed her husband in more ways than one. "Hey, little man," Tom said as he knelt beside his youngest child. "You sure you don't want to go swimming?"

The boy thought about it for a moment; he wasn't terribly comfortable in the water yet and - unlike his father and siblings - he had avoided the cool surf. "You don't let go?" he sought reassurance from his father.

Tom picked him up and settled him on his shoulders. "Promise. I've got you, bud."

As they headed down to the water's edge, Ashley and Sam came to join their stepmother in the sand. They each grabbed towels and water bottles and plopped down to rest. "I'm hungry," Sam complained.

Rachel realized in that moment that they hadn't aged. Despite the fact that the youngest Chandler child appeared to be three or four years old, Ashley and Sam looked the same as they had when she'd told them goodnight before bed. The strange little quirks of dreams.

Ashley retrieved two apples from their beach bag, but Sam shook his head when she offered him one. "No, I want real food," he protested.

Rachel laughed. "Shall we see if your father's willing to grill some burgers when we get home?" she suggested.

"Sure!"

Rachel turned back toward the water to look for her husband and son, but they were nowhere to be found. She looked up and down the shore as she pushed herself up to her feet. "Tom?" she called out.

There was no trace of them, nothing in the water, no footprints in the sand. It was like they'd just vanished into thin air. "Tom?!"

How could they disappear like this? It didn't make any sense. She spent so much time worrying about her husband's safety but that was supposed to be unnecessary when he was at home. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"Tom!"

~ % ~

Rachel jolted awake. The familiar surroundings of her bedroom helped to calm her down slightly. The other half of the bed was empty and cold, an unwelcome reminder that her husband wasn't there; he'd been gone a month and a half at this point. However, she could feel her unborn son's movements, reminding her that she wasn't alone. She was almost thirty weeks along and nothing hid her rounded belly anymore. With each day, her affection for the tiny person she had yet to meet continued to grow.

 _Good morning, luv,_ she thought to her son. _That was quite a dream, wasn't it? Don't worry, you're staying on solid ground for a good long while._

Three quick knocks sounded on the door. "Mom?" Ashley's voice called. "Are you okay?"

Rachel looked toward the clock; normally she always got up before the kids. But it was 8:03AM - she'd accidentally overslept by more than an hour.

"I'm fine," she called back. "I must have forgotten to set my alarm."

"Should we go eat cereal?"

"Yeah, luv, sorry. I'll be down in a minute."

* * *

Rachel made sure that Ashley and Sam got some breakfast and packed them sandwiches for lunch. They headed out the door just in time to meet Ava and Katie for the walk to school. Rachel then headed upstairs to get herself ready for work. She felt drained by her startling wake-up and slightly apprehensive about whether the dream was supposed to have some sort of meaning. Were Tom and the _Nathan James_ okay? They had a video call scheduled for the following afternoon and she couldn't wait to actually see her husband. She needed to reassure herself that he was okay.

Her mind wasn't on her work at the lab; she ended up screwing up a test because she couldn't focus. "What's going on with you?" Emma asked her as she cleaned up.

"It's nothing," Rachel protested.

"Oh really?"

She sighed. "I didn't sleep too well. Had a nightmare. It just rattled me slightly."

"Looks like it was more than 'slightly'."

"I'll be fine."

Emma arched an eyebrow. "Don't suppose you'd entertain the idea of going home for the afternoon?"

Rachel shook her head as she started setting up her test again. "That's not necessary."

Emma knew how stubborn her friend/patient was; that topic wasn't worth any further pursuit. "You thought about how long you're going to keep working?" she wondered.

"Until 3, like I always do."

The redhead narrowed her eyes. "No one likes a smartass. I meant overall, before you deliver."

Rachel shrugged. "Not really. Probably right up until I go into labor. What would I do sitting around at home by myself?"

"Get ready for your son's arrival," Emma replied with a laugh. "I think you may be underestimating how much your life is about to change - and how much junk babies need. It doesn't all organize itself." She noticed that Rachel wasn't listening to her anymore. She was frozen like a statue, her eyes blank. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"I-I don't know. I felt something…" Rachel looked down, and cold terror filled her when she realized that she could see a dark stain forming on her gray pants. "I-I'm bleeding!"

Emma didn't panic and didn't miss a beat. "Is the baby moving?" she wondered. Rachel's eyes filled with tears as she shook her head. "When was the last time you felt him?"

"N-not long ago. He flipped over."

"Okay. Have you felt any cramping?" Rachel shook her head again. "Good. We're going over to the medical center right now, okay? You need to get checked out and we'll figure out what's going on."

* * *

The following afternoon, as Tom sat down in his berth for a video chat with his family, the photo on the desktop of his computer made him smile. The latest picture of the kids and Rachel's profile was on display. He loved being able to see how the baby was thriving, and that the older kids were doing okay. Ashley and Sam were being total imps in the photo, crossing their eyes and sticking their tongues out at the camera. When he'd first left, they had gone a few weeks with limited communication, but now they could have regular video chats.

His laptop sounded an alert that he had an incoming call. When he answered it, his family appeared on the screen. However, they weren't sitting at the desk in the living room like normal. They were in the master bedroom, with Rachel lying on her side on the bed and Ashley and Sam sitting in front of her on the mattress.

"What happened?" Tom instantly asked, his heart dropping to his feet.

"We're fine," Rachel assured him. "All four of us." She smoothed the blanket covering her belly.

"Why are you in bed?" he persisted. "Are you sick?"

Rachel sighed. "No, I'm not sick. I started bleeding a little bit - "

"You what?" Tom interrupted. "When? What's wrong?"

"We're fine," she restated first. "It was yesterday, at the lab. Emma was there and checked me out at the medical center. Nothing's wrong."

Her assurances didn't calm him down very much. "But you were bleeding?"

"It happens sometimes. Emma wanted me on bedrest for a couple days, just as a precaution, so… here we are."

That word caused a new panic. "Bedrest?"

"Just for a couple days. We're fine." She then turned her attention to Ashley and Sam. "Have you guys said hi yet?"

"Hi, Dad."

"Hi, Daddy."

Tom swallowed his anxiety a bit, knowing Rachel had effectively ended the discussion. He wasn't going to get anything else out of her until they were alone. "Hey, guys. How have you been?"

~ % ~

After sharing the latest news from school, Ashley and Sam headed out of the room to let their parents have a private conversation. Rachel moved the laptop closer once they'd climbed off the bed. "Alright, go on," she told Tom, knowing what the next words out of his mouth would be.

"Are you really okay? I want the full story."

"We're truly okay, and you have the story. It was a little scary," a massive understatement, "But the baby's doing fine. His heartbeat is strong and he's been very active."

Tom blew out a large breath. "You said 'bleeding,' and…" His mind had gone straight to a bad place.

"I know," Rachel gently assured him. She was trying to keep her stress level down to aid with ensuring the baby would be okay. "We're not sure exactly what happened, but the placenta hasn't detached and everything looks normal." She wished there was some explanation, some clear path of what she should or shouldn't do next, but so far it seemed like this was just a mystery ailment. One more thing she just had to accept and live with. "We're okay, my love," she promised her husband.

Tom slowly nodded. He had to trust her; considering that he was thousands of miles away, there was nothing else he could do. "Alright. But I want to know if anything else happens. As soon as; don't wait for a scheduled call. Okay?"

She sighed. "Tom…" If she could have gotten away with not telling him about this episode, she would have. Despite his assurances that he wanted to know about everything she was dealing with, she was still afraid of distracting him or doing something that would compromise his focus and safety.

"Promise me, Rachel," he persisted.

She finally nodded. As difficult as her position was, his wasn't any better. He was so far away, with only occasional contact and nothing to do but wait for news. In some ways, this was scarier for him than it was for her. "Okay," she agreed.

"Thank you."

Rachel looked down, a small smile on her face. "The baby's kicking. I think he's missing his father, just like me."

Tom smiled. "I miss you, too. I'm sorry I wasn't there yesterday."

She shrugged slightly. "There was nothing you could have done."

"I could have held your hand."

Rachel felt her eyes tear up. She really could have used Tom there to comfort her, but had been trying not to think about it. She knew he would have been at her side if there was any way he could have been. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he replied. "I've got to go, but we'll talk next week?"

She nodded. "Take care of yourself."

"You, too."

Tom ended the call and slouched in his seat with a sigh. It was such a terrible conundrum - he loved his wife and children dearly, but those bonds left him vulnerable. He couldn't stand this horribly familiar feeling of helplessness, but also wouldn't ever wish his family away. Some bad always came with the good, no matter what.

He scrubbed a hand over his face. Perhaps the hardest part was that he had to leave these thoughts here in this room before he returned to duty. His life had to be compartmentalized for the sake of his crew. The bitter truth that he had to accept was that right now there was nothing he could do to help his family. All of his focus had to go to things he could actually change.

 _They'll be okay_ , he thought to himself as he got up. _They have to be. We can't lose anything else_.

* * *

After Rachel had shut off the laptop, she'd settled back on the bed and was debating whether to take a nap when there was a knock on the door. Ashley poked her head in the room.

"Can I come in?" she wondered.

"Of course, darling. You okay?"

Ashley nodded unconvincingly, lingering in the doorway. Ever since the previous day, she'd been feeling unsettled. She and Sam had returned home from school to find Rachel confined to bed and their grandfather was taking care of things around the house. The kids had been very quiet so that she could rest and had taken dinner upstairs for her, but Ashley still felt like they weren't doing enough. Was there something else they should have done to help keep Rachel and their baby brother healthy? Was Rachel oversleeping the previous morning a sign they should have paid more attention to? Were they failing at their promise to their father to take care of her?

"Are you hungry?" Ashley wondered.

"Not at the moment."

"Do you want tea?"

Rachel smiled. "Right now, I could just use some cuddles. Come here." She waved Ashley over to rejoin her on the bed. The twelve-year-old laid down so they were face to face and laid a gentle hand on Rachel's stomach in order to feel for her little brother's movements. A smile crossed her face when he kicked.

"He's awake," she proclaimed.

"He most certainly is."

"Is he - and are you - really okay?" Ashley softly wondered, "Or are you just trying to not scare us?"

Rachel gently brushed her hair back, marveling at how intuitive her step-daughter was. "For right now, we're okay. I'm going to have to be careful over the next few months, but Emma hasn't found any sign that something's really wrong."

Ashley slowly nodded. "Okay."

"Try not to worry, luv."

"Are you worried?" she suddenly asked.

Rachel paused before responding. "I'm trying not to be," she finally replied. "There isn't anything to be truly worried about yet. So we just have to think positive, hmm?" Ashley nodded.

Sam appeared in the doorway. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Just talking," Rachel replied with a smile. "And cuddling."

Sam climbed up on the bed. "Me, too?" Ashley turned over, and the three of them curled up together.

The children started talking about random things - events at school, ideas for what to eat for dinner - and Rachel just listened. Fear still lingered over what could happen to her or her unborn son, but for the moment she just had to take whatever came her way.

* * *

 **TBC...**


	31. Springtime in Portsmouth

**CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE: SPRINGTIME IN PORTSMOUTH**

For the next week, any time the _Nathan James_ received a message from Portsmouth, the ship's captain was on edge, anticipating bad news from his family. But as the days started to pass and everything was fine, he relaxed a bit. Rachel was freed from bedrest after three days and returned to normal life. She had frequent checkups now, but everything seemed to be okay.

One Sunday afternoon in mid-May, Tom took a break from a busy day to have that week's call with his family. When the video chat started, the image on the screen immediately warmed his heart. Rachel smiled at him from a spot outdoors somewhere. The bright sunlight made the highlights in her brown hair shine and made her skin seem to glow.

"Hey, beautiful," he greeted her.

"Hello, stranger," she replied.

"Where are you?"

"Backyard." She held up the laptop and turned it so he could see the area around her. She was relaxing in a lounge chair on their patio. "The kids are over there with your father." She aimed the laptop so he could see. They were under the big maple tree, working on a project together.

"I take it that spring has come around Portsmouth?" Tom asked with a grin.

Rachel also smiled. "Yes, finally!" The snow was totally gone and the temperatures had at last reached the low 70s. She was wearing a pale green sundress and soaking it all in. Being outside in the sun felt wonderful, especially when she spent most of her weekdays inside a windowless warehouse at work.

"What's everyone else doing?" Tom wondered.

"Hanging a swing in the tree." Her idea from the previous fall was finally becoming reality. "Oh! You have to see this." She picked up the laptop and rested it on her knees. Her rounded stomach came into his view, and Tom's eyes widened as a little bulge very visibly poked out and moved across the span of her belly.

"Whoa. Was that a foot?"

"Elbow, I think," Rachel replied.

"He doing karate in there?" Tom wondered with a chuckle.

"Sometimes it certainly feels like it. I feel like something from that movie, Alien."

Tom laughed. "So things have been going well?"

"Mmm-hmm. We're trying something new at the lab - mass distribution testing. We've got your part of the world and Asia in mind, mainly. If we could get the cure in the water supply, we could reach more remote locations than we'd ever be able to get to by boat or plane. We wouldn't have to go to all these places ourselves, just let the rivers and streams carry it."

Tom couldn't help a grin at her enthusiasm. It was nice to know her life was full with her two loves - research and family. "Sounds interesting. Hope you're not doing this all by yourself."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "No. I've already got Emma as my watchdog at work and your father and children at home."

"Good."

Ashley and Sam ran over and plopped down on the chaise with her. "Hi, Dad!"

"Hey, monsters. What are you up to? I heard you've got a swing now?"

"Grandpop's finishing it up," Sam explained. "Want to see?"

"Sure."

The kids took the laptop and ran around the yard with it. They let their father see the swing they had made out of rope and a wood board. They also had just planted a few seedlings left over from a school science project. Tom listened as they excitedly boasted about growing their own tomatoes and herbs. Lastly, they showed off a kite they'd gotten in town before returning the laptop to Rachel and sitting back down with her.

"When do you come home?" Ashley asked her father.

"I'm still not sure," Tom truthfully responded.

"I wish it was soon," Sam commented.

"Me, too, buddy. But I love getting your pictures and getting to talk with you."

"Yeah," he agreed.

The mood of the conversation had taken a definite turn. Tom didn't want the kids to be focusing on how much they missed him; they had so many positive things going on in their lives. "How many more weeks of school left?" he wondered.

"Too many," Ashley replied, sending her brother into a fit of giggles.

* * *

Rachel's birthday was just a week later. Since Tom knew he wasn't going to be there, he got some help from friends back in Portsmouth to do some special things for his wife.

After Ashley and Sam headed off to school, Rachel was about to leave for work, but was stopped when the doorbell rang. She wasn't expecting to find Kelly out on the front step. "Are you okay?" Rachel asked her friend. "Are the girls okay?"

She smiled. "Relax, everybody's fine. I'm just here to spirit you away."

Rachel frowned. "Spirit me away? Where? I have work. You have work, for that matter."

Kelly shook her head. "We're bunking off today. Though I suppose it doesn't really count when your boss already knows you're doing it."

Rachel just stared at her, confused. "What?"

"The lab knows you're not coming in to work. We're going to have a girl's day to celebrate your birthday and have a little time to de-stress."

"I don't need time to de-stress," Rachel protested. She enjoyed her work and felt that they were very close to a breakthrough.

Kelly grinned. "Who said you had a choice in the matter?"

~ % ~

They took a ferry across the river to the town of Portsmouth, enjoying the sunny weather and the sea breeze. Little boats ran back and forth during the day from Kittery to its larger sister town. Once there, they wandered between the few little shops that were still in business. Bartering was generally more useful than money when you wanted to make purchases; everybody needed something to survive.

They picked out a couple new outfits for Rachel - it was a challenge to find things that would fit her as her unborn son continued to grow. Afterwards, they moved on to shopping for another recipient: Baby Boy Chandler.

"Oh Christ, I almost forgot how tiny newborns are," Kelly commented as she picked up a little gray and green sleeper.

Rachel laughed. Given her profession, she knew very well how small babies were, but the little clothes in front of them still seemed too bitty. "It doesn't seem possible, does it?"

"He won't stay this small for long," Kelly assured her. "You're gonna blink and suddenly he'll be about to start his last year of middle school."

Rachel smiled; like her friend, she was also struggling to deal with the fact that she'd have a child in 8th grade in the fall. The girls were growing up so fast and she knew it would be the same way for her son. "Don't wish his life away!" she pleaded. "He's not even born yet."

"Have you settled on a name yet?" Kelly wondered.

"We've had a few discussions, but nothing's jumped to the top of the list. It's harder than I'd expected."

Kelly chuckled. "That sums up nearly everything about parenting, doesn't it?"

Rachel nodded with a laugh. "True… I've been having dreams about him," she revealed with a little smile, rubbing a hand over her bump.

"Your son?"

She nodded. "If he turns out to be even half as amazing as what I've seen…"

Kelly smiled. "He's going to be wonderful."

Rachel picked up a little yellow and white sleeper. Beside it was a tiny stuffed lion made of fabric as soft as a cloud. "Should this be baby's first toy?" she wondered.

Kelly nodded. "Oh, definitely. I think I'm seeing a safari theme coming together."

Rachel laughed. "He's not going to have an elaborate nursery." She wished she could, but in the post-Red Flu world, it was difficult just to find a crib. "Eventually, he'll be sharing a room with Sam."

Kelly shrugged. "There's no reason he can't have a little zoo of stuffed animals to cuddle with."

Rachel smiled. She could imagine her little boy curled up with toys for naptime. "True."

* * *

When they arrived back in Kittery, they headed to TJ's Grill for lunch. Rachel was pleasantly surprised when Bertrise joined them.

"How have you been doing, luv?" she asked the teen as they were served glasses of water.

"Okay," Bertrise replied. She hadn't been working at the lab recently; she'd instead been helping in different capacities around the base, trying to figure out what she wanted to do with her life.

"Just okay?" Kelly wondered.

Bertrise sighed. "Is it bad that I miss my home, my country?"

Both women shook their heads. "I get homesick, too," Kelly assured her. They were all learning to call a new country home.

"I'm sure the weather this winter was unlike anything you've ever experienced," Rachel pointed out.

Bertrise nodded. "It's so different here. And I don't really hate it, but… I miss home. I know it'll never be the same there, and my family is gone, but… when we left Jamaica, I never thought that I'd never see it again."

"'Never' is an awfully long time, luv," Rachel told her. "We have no idea what our futures hold."

Bertrise forced a smile. "Sorry. We're supposed to be celebrating."

"Don't worry about it."

"When is the baby due?" Bertrise changed the subject. "Early July?"

Rachel nodded. "The 6th. Although I have a feeling he's going to be late."

"Really?" Kelly wondered.

"It's statistically likely, and he seems to only do things when he's good and ready." The other women laughed. "And if he is late, he's got a chance of sharing his birthday with his father." Tom was born on July 9.

"Well, I hope he doesn't come too late," Bertrise told her. "I'm excited to meet him."

"Me, too," Kelly added.

Rachel smiled. "Me, three."

~ % ~

Once they finished eating, Bertrise headed back to work and Rachel and Kelly walked home. With all the activity through the morning, Rachel was feeling tired and decided to take a short nap before the kids got home.

She ended up sleeping longer than intended; when she woke up, she could hear noises and voices down in the kitchen. Apparently Jed had come over, and she assumed he and the children were making dinner. As Rachel sat up, she discovered a large bouquet of flowers was on her nightstand, along with her laptop. When she lifted the screen, a video was queued up and ready to play. A smile crossed her face when Tom appeared on the screen.

" _ **Hey, beautiful. I wish I could be there in person with you to celebrate like last year, but hopefully my helpers have made this day special for you. I love you so much and I hope you have a wonderful birthday. I'll talk to you soon."**_

Rachel smiled to herself as she paused the file and traced a finger over her husband's features. Last year on this day, they'd had dinner with the kids and a private celebration in his berth. He'd made her feel so incredibly treasured, and she could still imagine the feel of his fingers on her body. Going through special occasions now without him was difficult, but it meant a lot to her that he was still trying to be part of her day.

Down in the kitchen, Ashley and Sam were taking plates, silverware, and finished dishes outside to the table on the patio.

"We figured we'd enjoy the weather," Jeff explained. "Are you feeling alright?"

Rachel nodded. "Fine, just got a little worn out. Dinner outside sounds lovely."

They all sat down together at the table and passed around dishes. The gentle breeze carried the sweet smell of the flowers blooming on the pergola above them. Looking around at her family, Rachel was very grateful for everything she had, even if it wasn't everything she wanted.

"Thank you for this," she told the children and Jed.

Sam beamed at her. "We made a cake, too. It's not chocolate, but it's still yummy. Grandpop let me lick the spoon."

Rachel chuckled. "I'll be sure to save room, then."

"Did you have a good birthday?" Ashley wondered.

She nodded. "It's been an excellent birthday."

* * *

 **TBC...**


	32. Lesson Learned

**CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO: LESSON LEARNED**

 **A/N: To any readers who just hate the idea of shipper fics, please remember that no one is forcing you to read them. I don't mind constructive criticism, but cussing me out does nothing for either of us. Just hit the back button and move on. For other writers who have gotten some nasty messages, I hope it doesn't deter you.**

 **Also, if there are any French readers or anyone with ties to France - my heart is with you** **. Solidarité.**

* * *

A couple weeks later, Tom was making himself a morning cup of coffee in the _Nathan James_ ' wardroom when Mike approached him. "You got a sec?" he wondered.

Tom nodded. They had a busy day ahead delivering the cure and other supplies. They'd been trying to do what they could for what was left of the cities along Brazil's eastern coast. There'd been some recent conversations about trying to send teams to the country's capital, but they had enough on their plates for the moment. However, Tom still had a few minutes of peace left before he had to start worrying about what that day would bring. "Sure. What's up?"

Mike sighed, obviously uncomfortable. "I wanted to apologize."

Tom frowned. "For what?"

"Um, have you called home in the last day or so?"

He shook his head. "No, we've got a call scheduled for tomorrow. What's going on?"

"Well… apparently my daughter was the instigator in all the girls going to a high school end-of-the-year party."

Tom nearly dropped his coffee. "They what?"

"Yeah. I talked to Kelly last night. They're all fine, thankfully; nobody got hurt and nobody ended up drunk, although apparently they did decide that trying the alcohol was a great way to keep the chain of bad decision-making going."

Tom was reeling. What on earth had possessed them to do this? And why the hell was he hearing about it from his XO instead of his wife? "They were drinking?! They're only twelve and thirteen years old!"

"I know. They all think beer is disgusting now, at least." He shook his head, dismissing that thought. "I'm sorry; I never thought Katie would do something like this." He was currently about 4000 miles away, but still felt responsible for his daughter's choices.

"Where did Kelly and Rachel think they were?"

Mike heaved another sigh. "A sleepover with a classmate. They lied."

Tom scrubbed a hand over his face with a groan. They were supposed to have more time before they had to worry about this kind of behavior. He wasn't ready to see his daughter as anything but his little girl. "Shit, what were they thinking?" he wondered. There were so many ways that this little outing could have gone wrong. They could have been caught by the base's security force, they could have drank too much, they could have found an older boy who didn't understand the word 'no'...

Mike looked away. "I'm not sure about Ava and Ashley, but I think Katie was thinking she was getting back at Kelly and me. Last week, she saw an email Kelly sent me and… she knows about us. And isn't taking it well. Kelly said she's gone quiet again, and apparently not the good kind of quiet."

"There's no such thing as a good kind of quiet," Tom countered. "Jeez. You talked to her?"

"I tried. She wouldn't say a word. I'm sorry that your daughter's gotten pulled into this, too."

"My child has a brain of her own that she chose to leave in neutral. Don't worry about her; I'll handle it. What are you going to do about Katie?"

"I don't know. She's gonna have a week to cool off before I can talk to her again. I didn't think she'd be like this. I mean, I knew it would be a shock to her and she'd have a lot of questions about what this means, but…"

"When I really screwed things up with Rachel last fall, it wasn't so much what I had to tell her, but how long it took me to tell her. Just saying."

Mike slowly nodded. "Yeah, maybe."

Tom picked up his coffee again. He knew that he'd been lucky with how easily his kids had accepted his relationship with Rachel. It hadn't been completely smooth, but a lot easier than what his friend was going through. "Good luck, man."

"Yeah, thanks. I think I'm gonna need it."

* * *

The following evening, Tom took a minute to compose his thoughts before his call home. The background on his laptop taunted him, the most recent picture of his kids and Rachel's profile. When he'd received it, he'd been amused to see that the baby had gotten so much bigger they had to add another piece of paper to the front of the outline. Ashley and Sam had looked happy; there was little sign of the bombshell that was to come. Although now that he thought about it, maybe there had been some signs… In the three latest pictures, Ashley had been wearing earrings, a necklace, and bracelets. She'd mentioned at one point how busy she'd been making jewelry since all the girls at school wanted to look older, but he'd just dismissed it as the fad of the month. They needed to hit the pause button on how fast she was trying to grow up.

When the video chat connected, Ashley and Sam were there only ones visible on the screen, sitting in the living room. His wife's absence instantly made Tom forget about his daughter's actions. Had something happened? Rachel had promised that she would let him know immediately if there were any problems. "Hey, guys," he greeted the kids.

"Hi, Daddy," they replied.

"Where's Rachel?"

"Kitchen," Sam answered. "She said she'd be here in a sec." Tom breathed a sigh of relief, but then noticed something else that threw him for a loop.

"What did you do to your hair?" he asked his son.

Instead of the long shaggy cut he'd had for the past few years, Sam's hair was now cropped short with a little faux-hawk. He grinned proudly. "You like it?"

It was very different, that was for sure, and Tom suddenly realized that looking at his son was like looking at a picture from his own childhood. He'd never realized how similar they were in appearance. "Yeah, bud, I do. Looks good."

Ashley was looking pretty miserable as she sat in front of the camera; she had no idea that her father already knew about her recent misadventure, but had promised Rachel that she would tell him during this call. And she certainly wasn't looking forward to it; she seemed like a prisoner facing the gallows. "Um, Daddy?" she started, pulling his attention back to her.

Tom's smile disappeared as he returned to the task at hand. "Have you lost your mind?" he asked his daughter.

Her eyes widened. "Did Mom tell you?"

He scoffed. "No, Ashley, I had to hear from Mike instead of from you or Rachel."

"Oh."

"I barely get any time each week to talk to you guys; do you really think I want to spend that time disciplining you?"

"No. I'm sorry. But Mom already lectured me," Ashley pointed out. "And grounded me."

"Through this weekend," Rachel agreed as she joined them.

"I didn't even want to go to the party," Ashley protested. "It was Katie's idea."

"And what did we talk about?" Rachel prompted as she sat down behind the kids.

Ashley sighed, cowed. "That it's dumb to follow people into things that I know are a bad idea. There's never a good excuse for not doing what I know is right." Rachel had promised that other portions of their discussion didn't need to be repeated. Part of what had swayed her to join her friends in the first place was a strong desire to be included. Too often, she felt marginalized since her best friends were living together. Ava and Katie didn't always include Ashley in their impromptu plans, and she hadn't wanted to miss an opportunity to be part of the group. But very soon after arriving at the party, she'd known they were in over their heads. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I'll never do it again."

"You lied to Rachel."

Ashley hung her head. "I know."

"That is completely unacceptable."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Did you apologize to her, too?"

"Yes, sir."

"I think she's learned a valuable lesson," Rachel told him as she put a hand on Ashley's shoulder. "And luckily, it didn't involve the MPs or a trip to the medical center."

"Yeah, really lucky." Tom took a moment to regroup; he agreed with his wife that Ashley did seem contrite and like she'd taken something from the experience. Apparently Rachel had handled the situation well. She really had taken on parenting his kids. It wasn't just about making sure they had food in their bellies and did their homework, but involved shaping the people they'd become. He was incredibly proud of her in that moment. "What is that?" he wondered as he noticed that Rachel had a small white object resting on the top of her rounded belly.

"Ice pack," she replied.

Tom frowned. "For what?"

"It's the only thing that deters him from trying to kick my ribs to pieces."

He winced slightly at that mental picture. "Ouch. I'm guessing he's head-down, then?"

"Most definitely. And going to either be a champion swimmer or footballer."

"We got to see him on the TV," Sam reported.

"It wasn't a TV," Ashley corrected her little brother. "It was an ultrasound."

"I took them along for my last checkup with Emma," Rachel explained for her husband's benefit.

Tom felt a little spike of jealousy; he wished he could have seen it. "Everything okay?"

"Yep. It was really cool," Sam replied. "The baby was sucking his thumb."

"I was going to scan the photo for you today," Rachel told him. "And send a few others. We've been getting a lot of things ready for him."

"Clothes and blankets and toys," Ashley chimed in. She hated doing laundry, so folding and putting away things for her baby brother had been made part of her penance.

"And your father made a beautiful wood cradle for him," Rachel finished. "He's been working on it since Christmas. It's up in our room."

Tom smiled. "Sounds real nice. Definitely send me pictures; I want to see everything."

She nodded. "Will do."

 **~ % ~**

When it was time to say goodbye, Tom had one more warning for his daughter. "Promise me that you're going to be making things easier for your mom, not harder," he told her. "She doesn't need any extra stress, okay?" Ashley mutely nodded.

Rachel smiled softly. She didn't think she'd ever heard her husband call her his children's mother before. Ashley and Sam been calling her 'Mom' for months, and Tom knew that she loved them like a mother, but he'd never referred to her as their mother until now. She'd been very worried about how he would react to this little episode, but apparently she'd done okay. "We'll be alright," she told her husband. "Take care of yourself and we'll talk next week."

Once the call had ended, Sam ran off to play in the backyard, but Ashley remained motionless in her chair. When Rachel gently tugged at her shoulder to turn her around, she was stunned to see tears in the young girl's eyes.

"What's wrong, luv?"

"I'm really sorry," she whimpered.

Rachel hugged her close. "I know."

"You were really scared when I got home that night. I could have made the baby sick, couldn't I?"

"We're fine," Rachel assured her, gently running her fingers through Ashley's hair to calm her. "Nothing happened."

"But it could have!" she persisted.

"But it didn't." Rachel smiled a little, knowing that Ashley's brush with the wild side had confirmed that she was still a good girl. "Don't worry so, alright, luv? What's done is done, and now we just have to learn from it going forward."

She wiped at her eyes. "I will."

"Good. Now… what should we make for dinner?"

Despite stumbles, life went on.

* * *

 **TBC...**


	33. True or False

**CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE: TRUE OR FALSE**

A few days later, Rachel had a bout of false labor. It induced some panic, but once she knew what was going on, it was more of an annoyance than anything else. So she was not amused when, a week after that, she suddenly woke up at 2AM with the muscles in her belly clenched hard.

"What are you doing, little one?" she murmured to her son.

It was just three weeks before her due date, and one part of her mind worried that maybe this meant that the baby was going to come early. They had a cradle, clothes, blankets, and diapers, but was she truly ready? Would she have any idea what to do? The idea of making a mistake - of letting down a person who depended on her for everything - was terrifying. Nothing in her work had ever made her feel as unbalanced as parenting did.

By the time the sun rose, Rachel was certain this was just false labor again, but unfortunately that realization didn't make the 'practice' contractions stop. She was exhausted, since every time she'd started to doze off, her muscles would tighten again. In no mood to go to the lab at that point, she decided to take the day off to rest.

Kelly came over around lunchtime with a pile of sandwiches and fruit. She had already planned to be home during that week, since the kids were just starting summer break and trying to figure out what to do with themselves. After handing each of the four children their lunch, she shooed them out the back door.

"What are we supposed to do?" Ashley asked her, standing on the patio with a frown.

"You have balls, bikes, and imaginations," Kelly replied with a laugh. "Go have fun." She shut the door behind them and gave Rachel a grin as she joined her by the kitchen island. "They better figure out how to keep themselves amused or it's going to be a very long summer."

"Mmm," Rachel agreed. "I don't want them just sleeping half the day or sitting around watching movies." She stopped abruptly, putting one hand on the counter to help support herself and the other on her stomach. "Ow."

"Another one?" Kelly wondered. Rachel nodded. "Have you talked to Emma today?"

"Yeah. They're not regularly spaced or genuinely painful, just uncomfortable as hell. I don't think the little one likes them any more than I do; he's been squirming a lot."

"Hopefully he's thinking about coming to say hello soon."

Rachel shrugged. "He still has a few weeks." Despite how bad she was feeling, it was fine with her if he took his time. The idea of what came 'after' was still scary as hell.

Kelly laughed. "By the time I got to 37 weeks with Ava, I was very ready to not be pregnant anymore."

"How have things been going with her and Katie?" Rachel wondered.

She sighed. "A mixed bag. Katie isn't really talking to me, but at least she sat and listened to her father during his last call."

"That's progress."

"Yeah, a little bit. She's very upset still. It seemed like we were trying to protect the girls before, but… I can see how she feels betrayed." The idea made her so sad; they'd never meant to hurt the girls. "She's been through so much."

Rachel nodded. "Grieving generally isn't easy or neat."

"Ava's reaction was equally surprising. She's on the opposite end of the spectrum now."

"Really?"

"There have been a lot of questions, but she's okay. Happy, even. Mike was wonderful to her while he was home. By the time he left, he was really treating the girls the same… She needs that, you know?"

Rachel smiled softly. Ava had definitely been daddy's little girl, despite how much time Quincy spent away from his family. She'd never forget her father, of course, but it was good that she had someone who could support her and attempt to fill that role in her life. "Yes, she does."

"They had a lovely chat last weekend. Mike promised that he wouldn't be trying to replace her father any sooner than Ava would try to replace his other daughter. I think that really resonated with her and reassured her."

"I'm glad she's doing well."

"She actually drew him a Father's Day card this weekend. Not as her father, but just being sweet. She was so worried about whether he'd like it - as if there was any doubt."

Rachel smiled. "I assume he told her as much?"

"I haven't heard back from him, actually. They must be swamped."

"Yeah, I haven't gotten a response from Tom yet, either. I emailed Ashley and Sam's cards on Friday."

"It's got to get easier at some point, right?" Kelly wondered. "Being apart. Not knowing where they are or what they're doing."

Rachel forced a little smile. It was nice to have an ally in trying to adjust to this life. "I hope so."

 **~ % ~**

Out in the backyard, the children had yet to settle on how they'd spend their afternoon. Ashley had suggested riding bikes to the park, but Katie was in a skirt and didn't want to change. If they were staying home, Ava's idea was to draw hopscotch and other games to play in sidewalk chalk like they'd done on the Nathan James, but Katie didn't want to do that, either.

"We could go fishing," Sam proposed. The channel between the base and Kittery was just a couple blocks away.

Katie shook her head. "I'm not touching worms. Or fish."

Ava rolled her eyes. "Then you just sit here and WE'll have fun," she snapped at the other girl.

"We can't just leave her behind," Ashley protested. Regardless of how difficult her friend was being, they were supposed to stick together.

"Why not?" Ava wondered. "I'm getting really sick of her attitude. She's mean to my mum and everyone else." She gave Katie a disparaging look. "I think I liked you better when you weren't talking to anybody. At least then you didn't get us in trouble."

Katie glared. "It's not my fault!"

"We all got ourselves in trouble," Ashley pointed out, trying to keep the peace. "None of us had to agree to go to the party. But we all did."

"And we don't all have to agree now," Ava pointed out. "I'm going to the park - or wherever she's not." She marched over to get her bike.

Sam rolled his eyes as he also went to get his bicycle. "Girls…" he muttered.

Ashley looked between them and Katie. "Wait!" she told her brother and friend. "We don't always have to agree, but we can't just give up on each other." Ava and Katie sized each other up. "So much has gone wrong for us. We've all lost a lot. Not all the same, but it's not a contest. We're lucky that we still have friends and people that care about us. Right? We shouldn't fight."

Everyone was quiet for a long moment. "Maybe we can play snail," Katie relented. A peace offering.

Ava smiled a little. "I'll go get the chalk."

* * *

Rachel tried to actually eat some of her lunch, but didn't really have an appetite. After slowly picking at her sandwich for more than a half hour, she finally pushed the plate away, getting up from the table with an apologetic smile. "Sorry," she told Kelly, "But I don't think I can eat any more."

She shook her head, knowing her friend was dealing with a lot right now. "No, no, that's okay. You want me to head home? I can make dinner for all the children tonight, keep them out of your hair."

Rachel nodded. "If you wouldn't mind. Hopefully these will stop sometime soon. Oh, speaking of…" She rubbed a hand over her belly as the muscles cramped.

Kelly watched her, concerned. "Are you going to be okay alone?"

"I'll be fine." Rachel wasn't worried right now, she just wanted this to be over. A nap seemed like a fantastic idea at the moment; maybe when she woke up, she'd feel better.

There was a knock on the front door, then they could hear a key in the lock. Jed entered a minute later and his eyebrows furrowed when he saw his daughter-in-law's tense expression.

"Are you alright?" he wondered.

Rachel nodded. "Fine… ish."

"Ish?"

She straightened with a little sigh. "What's the matter?" Rachel was relatively certain that he wasn't simply checking up on her or his grandchildren in the middle of a Monday.

"You aren't at the lab when I went by, so…" Jed cleared his throat, obviously hesitant. "I guess it's good that you're both here. I, uh, heard something from headquarters that you should know."

"About what?" Kelly wondered.

He shuffled his feet. "The ship. No one's heard from the Nathan James since the beginning of last week. They're not responding to calls over the satellite network."

Both women just stared. "Where are they?" Kelly finally managed.

Jed looked down, not enjoying being the bearer of bad news. "They're still trying to figure that out."

"How do they lose a 150 meter destroyer?" Rachel wondered, her voice about an octave higher than normal.

"Hopefully they've just had some hardware failures, but… right now we don't know." There could have been much more serious failures, they could have been attacked by someone… There were a lot of possibilities, each worse than the one before it. With the ship so far away, all on its own, they had no way to know anything for certain.

The silence that followed was just awful. And then Rachel turned and started to leave the room. "They're fine," she declared, her voice breaking. "He has to be." She couldn't deal with any other outcome. Neither of the others dared to contradict her.

Once Rachel had disappeared upstairs, Kelly took their plates over to the sink to clean up. "This was already not a good day," she informed Jed. "She's been having Braxton-Hicks contractions for hours."

Jed frowned. "Again?"

"Yeah."

He sighed. "Damnit. When it rains, it pours."

"Mmm. If there's any… bad news," Kelly softly told him. "Let me know first. We'll figure out how - and what - to tell her." Worrying about her friend was a good distraction from having to worry about herself.

Jed slowly nodded. "I still hope it won't come to that." They all knew the dangers that the ship faced and how bad the worst-case-scenario was. They pretended that this day couldn't come in order to go on with their lives. But there was no pretending anymore.

"Me, too," Kelly agreed. "For everyone's sakes."

* * *

Rachel did manage to sleep for a couple hours, but woke up completely overheated from the sunny summer afternoon. She wiped her damp hair out of her face and settled back against the pillows with a sigh.

If only it were possible to go to sleep and completely redo this day. Nothing had gone right since she first woke up that morning. A glance at the clock told her that it was just after 4PM; Ashley and Sam would be home in a couple hours. What was she going to tell them about their father? She barely knew anything herself. All she could do, really, was scare them, just like she was scared. What good would that do? She was supposed to be protecting them. But at the same time, if they weren't prepared for the possibility of losing him, would that make it even harder to cope? A few tears of frustration rolled down her cheeks. She had no idea what to do. It was too much at once to handle alone.

The baby wriggled around, and she rested her palm over his tiny foot as it poked out near the top of her belly. Was it possible that this little boy would never know his father? The idea broke her heart. She couldn't stand the thought that her son might miss out on knowing how much his daddy loved him. That couldn't be how their lives were supposed to turn out.

Her belly tightened so hard that it drew a gasp of surprise. She couldn't do anything until the contraction ended except try keep breathing.

"Come on, little one," she whispered to her son. "Enough of this." She'd already lost a whole day; it was past time, in her opinion, for the contractions to stop.

Twenty minutes later, she'd had two more, each spaced ten minutes apart like clockwork. That had never happened through the rest of the day. Rachel had a sinking feeling that this wasn't false labor anymore. This was the real thing.

* * *

 **TBC...**


	34. Control

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR: CONTROL**

Rachel had a list of people that she was supposed to call when she went into labor. First and foremost, of course, was Emma. The CNM promised she would be right over. Bertrise and Kelly had also volunteered to help, and while she did call the former, she decided to wait a while before anything was said to the latter. Around 6:30PM, once she was certain that the kids would have all had dinner, she finally allowed Bertrise to go next door and tell Kelly what was going on.

Within minutes, Bertrise, Kelly, and all four of the kids arrived back at the Chandler house. The children were instructed to pick out a DVD to watch and stay down in the living room for the time being. When Kelly got upstairs to the master bedroom, she found Rachel pacing back and forth around the room in a black tank top and shorts. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, a few strands having escaped to frame her face. Emma sat at the foot of the bed, watching and talking with her patient.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" Kelly asked her friend. "Bertrise said that you've been in labor for a couple hours?"

She nodded. "I didn't want to be a bother, or disrupt the children's evening."

Kelly shook her head; the woman was in labor and still more focused on everyone else than herself. "You're a nutter. How far along are you?"

Rachel sighed as her belly tightened, leaning her hands against her dresser for support and arching her back. "Not far enough," she gritted out. "And I can't find any position that's comfortable."

She laughed. "Nothing's going to be comfortable until your little boy is in your arms." Rachel frustratedly shifted from one foot to the other, rubbing at the base of her spine. "Is your back hurting? You want me to help?"

Rachel shook her head. "No, I can manage."

Kelly frowned, concerned. "Are you sure?" she wondered, but Rachel was too distracted by the pain to bother with answering.

Once the contraction had ended, Emma approached her with a blood pressure cuff. Rachel obediently held her arm out and waited for the results. "No change," the redhead reported once she was done.

"What's that mean?" Kelly wondered. Bring brought in late made her feel out of the loop.

"It's been a bit elevated all evening," Emma explained. "If it goes higher, I'm not comfortable letting her stay at home any longer. She'd need to be monitored at the med center for complications." Some could be serious, life-threatening, even.

"I'm not going in any earlier than I have to," Rachel petulantly protested. She didn't want to be trapped in a bed and hooked up to machines any longer than absolutely necessary. At home, she was in familiar surroundings and able to move around as she liked. Until her labor really started picking up, she wanted to stay at the house.

"Then you need to relax," Emma retorted, unswayed.

"How about I go get you a cup of tea?" Kelly suggested to Rachel. "You need to stay hydrated anyway."

She rolled her eyes, but nodded. "Fine. Thank you."

"How's your back?" Emma wondered once the other Brit had left the room.

"It feels like there's a knife in it," Rachel shot back. Her annoyance was really with the situation, not Emma. Of course she'd known that giving birth was painful, but she'd been futilely hoping that she would get lucky with a quick and easy labor. Apparently, that was not going to be the case.

"The baby may have turned over," Emma suggested. "The back of his head would be pressing against your spine." If it was true, she knew her friend was in for a really rough night. "A hot shower could help, if you want to try it?"

Rachel bit her lip. It felt strange to have all this extra attention on her. Normally, she prided herself on being able to deal with things on her own. "It's fine; I can handle it."

Emma gave Bertrise a knowing smile. "Can you go start the water running? Hot."

The teen nodded and headed into the master bathroom. "Sure."

Emma stepped over and leaned her back against the wall right in front of Rachel so she could be sure the other woman was looking at her. "Hey, supermom. You don't need to take this on all by yourself. We're all here to help you."

Rachel shook her head dismissively. "I'll be alright."

"I know you're used to being in control, but not tonight. This is your baby's show, and you're just along for the ride. Fighting him isn't going to make anything easier on you, trust me. So how about you just let us take care of you, support you? You're going to be okay, Rachel, I promise."

There was so much in her life that she had no control over. Willingly giving up a little bit of the power she did have seemed crazy. But maybe she really didn't have a choice if she wanted to get through the night. "Alright," she finally said with a nod. "I can try the shower."

* * *

About an hour later, Ashley and Sam's curiosity finally overrode their desire to do what they'd been told. They knew they were supposed to wait in the living room, but nobody was telling them anything and they were starting to get worried.

The bedroom door was open, and when they peeked through, the only people they could see were Kelly and Bertrise. They could hear water running in the master bathroom, though, and assumed that's where Rachel and Emma were. Kelly was the first to notice them. "Hey, there. How are you guys doing?"

The siblings glanced at each other before answering. "Okay," Ashley responded. "How's Mom?"

Kelly motioned for both of them to come join her sitting on the edge of the bed. "She's hanging in there," she replied as she wrapped her arms around their shoulders. "She talked to you guys a bit about what to expect, right?" They nodded. "It's a lot of work to have a baby, and unfortunately it does hurt. Your mom's handling it really well, though. You guys are going to have a little brother very soon."

"Can I go hold her hand?" Sam wondered.

Kelly smiled, ruffling his hair. "That's very sweet, luv. Don't worry, she's okay. Emma's in with her right now." Neither child looked totally convinced. "How are your presents for your new brother coming?" she tried to distract them.

"I'm all done," Ashley reported. Sam, however, hung his head.

"Mine's not finished yet. I thought I had more time."

"You do still have some time," Kelly assured him. "Why don't you two go get the other girls to help and finish up?"

"Okay," Sam agreed.

They both got up and started to leave, but Ashley stopped in the doorway. "Kelly?" she asked.

"Yeah, luv?"

"Does my dad know the baby's being born?"

Kelly sighed. She didn't want to worry the children unnecessarily, since they hardly knew anything about the _Nathan James_ ' situation, but she also wasn't going to lie to them. There had been enough trouble with that already. "No, he doesn't yet."

"He wanted Mom to call him on the sat network," she pointed out.

"I know… but the base has been having some trouble getting in contact with the ship."

Ashley frowned. "They have? Why?"

"Well, we're not sure yet. Hopefully it's just that something's broken. You know things malfunctioned sometimes when we were on the ship." She nodded. "I'm sure they're trying to fix it."

Ashley was quiet for a long moment, contemplating that. She went over to Rachel's dresser and pulled out an object from the top drawer. Kelly realized it was a camera when the young girl handed it to her. "Can you take pictures of our brother when he's born, so Dad can see later? He likes it when we send him pictures. I don't want him to be sad that he's missing it."

Kelly smiled. She enjoyed seeing how the Chandler family cared for each other. Someday she hoped her own slowly-forming patchwork family would be the same way. "Sure, luv. I'll make sure we get photos for him."

* * *

They had run out of hot water twice by the time Rachel finally decided to get out of the shower. The time that she'd had to spend sitting and waiting for the hot water tank to recharge had been torturous; the shower really did help with the pain. But now that her contractions had gotten closer together, Emma thought it was time to get ready to go to the med center.

"What do you want to wear?" the redhead asked as she helped Rachel get out of the shower stall without tripping. She'd left on her tank top and shorts, which were now, of course, completely soaked and needed to be exchanged for dry clothes.

"Something loose," she replied as she wrapped a towel around her shoulders. The way everything was sticking to her skin right now was annoying.

"Sundress?"

"Fine." Emma headed into the leaned against the sink as another contraction started. As the pain reached its height, she felt a certain pressure within her body let go. Liquid started dripping to the floor.

"Your water broke?" Emma deduced when she returned with a white sundress and noticed the large puddle on the tile.

Rachel shakily nodded. "Yeah… I guess it's lucky that I hadn't changed clothes yet."

Emma laughed. "You're doing fantastic if you still have a sense of humor."

"It's definitely time to go now, isn't it?" Rachel assumed.

"Mmm-hmm. No need to rush, but it is time to head out." Her calm demeanor was reassuring. "Go ahead and change and then we'll leave."

 **~ % ~**

Once Rachel was ready, Emma and Bertrise helped her safely get downstairs. Kelly was already outside, having been designated as the driver for the trip to the med center. All of the kids jumped up from the couch in the living room when they heard the little procession on the steps.

"Are you leaving?" Sam asked.

Rachel nodded. "Yes, luv."

"Can we come with you?" he wondered. Ashley also seemed eager for an answer to that question.

"It's almost your bedtime," Rachel told them. "I will feel a lot better if I know that you're safe here in your beds instead of sitting around in waiting room chairs, alright?" They reluctantly nodded.

"Should we call Grandpop to come over?" Ashley wondered.

Rachel looked to Bertrise. "Would you mind staying with the children overnight?"

The teen was a little surprised, but shook her head. "No... You don't need me with you?"

"I think we'll be alright." Rachel was still feeling a little claustrophobic with a crowd of people catering to her. She knew that they all meant well and really wanted to help, but it still just felt wrong. Perhaps that was because she didn't have the RIGHT person there with her. The more people that were trying to stand in for her husband, the more obvious his absence became. At the moment, she didn't know where he was or if he was ever coming home. She'd always been aware that she was going to have to do this alone, but that knowledge was a cold comfort at the moment.

Ashley stepped forward and gingerly wrapped her arms around Rachel, almost as if she was afraid that she'd hurt her. "I love you, Mom," she softly stated.

Sam joined them, also hugging his stepmother. "Me, too."

She held them close, wishing in that moment that they'd had more time to talk that evening. Their lives were also about to change significantly and she wasn't sure if she'd done enough to help them deal with that. "I love you both, too. Please don't ever doubt that."

"We won't," Ashley promised.

"Be good for Bertrise, alright?"

They nodded. "I can't wait to meet our brother!" Sam happily declared.

It was a nice reminder for Rachel that there was a goal at the end of this process. She didn't just want this ordeal to be over - she wanted her prize for making it through. "Me, too," she told the kids with a little smile.

* * *

 **TBC...**


	35. Baby Boy Chandler

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE: BABY BOY CHANDLER**

Rachel's contractions quickly got exponentially worse. By the time they'd arrived at the medical center and she got settled in a room, she was beyond ready to get some pain relief.

Once she was set up with an IV and given the medication, she was able to doze off for a couple hours. Her subconscious mind took her to a sun-drenched beach. She was lying on a blanket in the sand with her son curled up beside her. Shouts and laughter from Ashley, Sam, and Tom occasionally reached her ears as they played together in the water nearby.

"That's a duck, Mommy," her little boy decided as he pointed up at the puffy clouds above them. He was wearing an adorably oversized pair of pale blue sunglasses to protect him from the bright sun.

"I see it," she agreed. "And I think that one is… a bunny rabbit."

He giggled madly, obviously finding that idea hilarious. "A bunny in the sky! He hopped too far!"

Rachel smiled as she watched him, picking out each little element of who he was. Her hair. Tom's smile. The same exuberance as his older brother. A similar laugh to his older sister. The little dusting of freckles that her own mother had had spread across his cheeks. He was the best of all of them, put together.

"Mommy?" he softly asked, breaking into her thoughts.

"Yes, luv?"

"I can't wait to be with you."

With those words, Rachel suddenly realized that this wasn't real. She was just dreaming, in the middle of labor with the beautiful little person next to her. His expression was serious, watching her from behind his sunglasses, and she fell in love with him a little bit more. "Me, either, luv. Hopefully it won't be much longer."

He shook his head. "Nope."

A question nagged at her, and she wasn't sure whether to ask it or not. Finally, Rachel decided to just try it. "Can you tell me something, darling?"

"Okay."

"What's your name?" she wondered. She and Tom hadn't agreed on a choice yet, and she didn't want to do anything that might change this amazing vision.

A little grin spread across his face. "You'll know."

 **~ % ~**

Kelly had stayed with Rachel while she slept, flipping through an old magazine to pass the time. Emma was busy coordinating things with the med center's staff, but stopped in regularly to see how her patient was doing. When she stuck her head in the door a little after 11PM, she smiled when she saw that Rachel was still napping.

"Gotta love it when moms sleep through the whole thing," she whispered to Kelly.

"She's started stirring more; I think the meds are wearing off."

Emma checked her watch. "Yeah, it's about that time."

A moment later, they could tell as another contraction started. Rachel's eyes fluttered open as a moan escaped her throat.

"Oh, ow, ow!" she whimpered, wincing hard as she tried to turn to her side and get off her back. Emma stepped over to help.

"Easy, you're okay," she told her friend, rubbing her spine where it hurt the worst. "Just breathe through it."

"What time is it?" Rachel wondered as the pain finally faded. She felt a little disoriented from the medication.

"11:07," Emma replied.

Rachel blinked. "AM or PM?"

"PM," she clarified with a chuckle, pointing to the dark sky outside the window. "You got a good rest, but not THAT good."

"Is the baby doing okay?"

Emma nodded after glancing at the monitor. "Everything looks great."

Another contraction quickly followed on the heels of the last. The intensity left Rachel struggling to cope. She was beginning to doubt herself - maybe she wasn't strong enough for this. She didn't know if she could withstand another thirty minutes, let alone hours.

"We'll just take it one contraction at a time," Emma responded when she quietly voiced those thoughts. "Don't get any further ahead of yourself than that. You can get through the next contraction, alright?" She nodded, but was still uncertain. "Let's get you properly sitting up," Emma suggested. "If that doesn't help, you can try kneeling on the bed; it'll get the pressure off your back."

Raising the bed up did make the next contraction a little bit better; the pain went from an 11 back down to a 9 (on a scale to 10). Emma quickly examined her once it was over.

"You're zipping along," she reported. "Eight centimeters, almost nine, so you're nearly there. That's why it's has gotten harder to handle; you're in transition." It was the shortest phase of labor, but also the worst. And it definitely lived up to its reputation; the next hour was brutal.

Moving around to different positions didn't do much more to help and just sapped her energy. A sudden attack of nausea caused all the tea and water that she'd drank at home to come back up. Emma and Kelly kept encouraging her, but in the middle of one contraction, Rachel simply buried her face in the pillow and cried. It was all just too much. Kelly sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around her.

"It's okay, luv," she softly consoled her friend. "It's going to be okay." There was so much weight on Rachel's shoulders right now. Kelly didn't envy her one bit. It wasn't any surprise that she'd broken down - she was amazed that Rachel had held it together for as long as she did.

Emma also sat on the bed, gently resting a hand on Rachel's knee. "Hey, sweetie, I'm going to check you, okay? I have a feeling you're getting close." Rachel mutely nodded. When she was finished, Emma looked up at her patient with a grin. "You're completely dilated."

"I am?" Rachel wondered, her eyes still wet.

"Mmm-hmm. Your little boy is going to be here really soon, and all of this will fade from your memory." She took off her gloves and stood up. "I'm going to go let the nurse know and I'll be right back."

When Emma stepped out into the hall, she headed for the nurses' desk. "Dr. Altman's on call for peds, right?" she asked.

The nurse at the desk nodded. "You want me to call him?"

"Yeah. She's ready to deliver. And having an extra pair of hands wouldn't hurt, if anyone is available." She knew that in the middle of the night, there weren't many people in the building.

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks."

As Emma turned around to go back to Rachel's room, the elevator dinged, announcing its arrival on the floor. The tall figure who stepped off caught her eye, and a smile crossed her face.

"You have an incredible sense of timing."

* * *

Back in the room, Rachel had calmed down a little and Kelly was helping her breathe through her latest contraction. "Hey, Rachel," Emma told her as she came in the door. "I've got someone I want to bring in to help you, okay?"

She just nodded. At this point, she didn't care what happened or who was there anymore. She just wanted it to be over.

Emma held the door open a little wider, and Tom stepped in behind her. "Hey, beautiful," he greeted his wife.

Her eyes were as big as saucers. "You're not really here."

Tom chuckled as he headed over to her side. Kelly got up and moved out of his way. "I promise that I am," he replied.

"How?" Rachel incredulously wondered as tears started again. He looked so strong and handsome in his work uniform, and she feared that her overtaxed mind was playing tricks. If this turned out to not be real, she wasn't sure she could take it.

Tom gently brushed her damp hair back from her face, struck for a moment by how gorgeous she looked, even now. "That's a long story, babe, which I'll tell you later. Right now, we've got something more important to worry about, right?" His other hand rested on her rounded belly.

Rachel ran her fingers along the side of his face, proving to herself that he was actually there. Stubble covered his jaw, scratching at her fingertips, and she noticed a line of stitches holding together a few-day-old gash on his forehead. His appearance confirmed her fears - obviously, the ship had been through some sort of ordeal. The communications dropout hadn't simply been a case of broken equipment. But regardless of what they'd faced, he was here in the flesh when she needed him the most, and that was all that mattered.

"I love you," she whispered, the last word catching on a sob.

Tom bent over and kissed her. "I love you, too, Rach."

She stiffened as another contraction started, unable to fully bite back a moan. Emma pulled a little tray of tools over to the foot of the bed. "I think someone wanted to remind you that he's supposed to be the star of this show," she lightly joked. "Now comes the hard part."

Rachel was not amused. "What the bloody hell has the rest of this been?"

Tom choked back a laugh, knowing that it wouldn't be appreciated. "There's my girl," he whispered to Rachel as he sat with her on the edge of the bed, wrapping his arm around her to help support her. She clutched both of his hands in hers, and it wasn't until the pain faded that she was consciously aware of the fact that the palm of his left hand was wrapped in bandages.

"What - ?" Rachel started, beginning to pull her fingers away, but Tom wouldn't let her.

"It's okay," he told her.

Despite all the stories about wives cursing or maiming their husbands during labor, Rachel had no desire to do so herself. She was too happy to have him back to think about how her current predicament was at least 50% his fault. "But - "

"Don't worry about it. I'm here for whatever you need," Tom assured her before pressing his lips to her temple. "If you break me, somebody can patch me up again later."

Rachel leaned into his embrace. "I'm so glad you're here."

He smiled. "Me, too, babe. Me, too."

* * *

It wasn't anywhere near as quick as Rachel would have liked, but just over an hour later, she heard her son's cries for the first time. It was only a little whimper at first, then a strong and healthy wail that was followed by another and another.

Emma placed the little bundle against his mother's chest, arms and legs akimbo. Rachel immediately moved to cradle him. He was warm and solid and absolutely real. "Oh, my God…" she whispered as she drank in the sight of him. His face was red as he cried, his body quickly turning from purplish to pink. Wet curls of dark hair were plastered to his head. "Oh, luv… hello there."

Tom ran a finger down one of the baby's arms and pressed a fingertip into his palm. He closed his tiny fingers tight around the digit. "Hey, buddy," Tom told his son, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I bet this is quite a shock, huh?"

Emma draped a small blanket over the baby's back and used it to start drying him off, rubbing away some of the blood and other fluids that covered him. "Somebody made his Mommy work extra hard," she commented with a smile. "He was 'sunny-side-up', just like we thought."

"A little troublemaker already," Rachel softly scolded, although she couldn't stop smiling. "Just like your Daddy."

"Hey!" Tom protested, but her grin just widened.

"I can't believe he's here," Rachel softly declared as she gently rubbed the baby's back. A thought suddenly came to her - "He really is a he, right?" she asked Emma. The blanket was covering his body now, keeping him warm, and she didn't feel inclined to move it.

Emma laughed. "Most definitely. A healthy, perfect little boy. I'll let you hang on to him for a few more minutes before we take him to get fully cleaned up and checked out. You did fantastic, by the way. A real trooper."

"Absolutely incredible," Tom added in her ear. He'd never be able to put into words how grateful he was for his wife and for being able to witness this moment in person. "I'm so proud of you, honey. I love you so much."

Rachel smiled; she was feeling fairly invincible at the moment, adrenaline coursing through her body. "I love you, too."

A tiny wail brought their attention back to their son. "Were you feeling left out?" Tom asked him. He used his hand to gently shade the baby's face from the bright lights in the room. "We love you, too, little one." His cries tapered off to grumbles and his eyes cracked open for the first time. The irises were stunningly blue.

"Hi, there," Rachel quietly told her son as their gazes met. "It's so good to finally meet you." He just stared up at her, totally captivated, like he already knew that she was the most important person in his universe. "He's so amazing," Rachel whispered to her husband. Having their child safe in her arms was better than any dream.

Tom grinned. "Just like his mom."

Kelly smiled to herself as she watched them together from the sidelines. She reached into the small bag that they'd brought to get Rachel's camera. There obviously wasn't a need to take pictures just for Tom's sake anymore, but the moment seemed too perfect not to capture for all time. The couple didn't even notice what she was doing at the time, completely enthralled with their new son, but they would definitely thank her later.

* * *

 **TBC...**

 **A/N: Just in time, huh? :-) It's almost the end of the story; t** **here's just one full chapter and the epilogue left.**


	36. Family of Five

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX: FAMILY OF FIVE**

By the time the sun was starting to lighten the sky (which happens at about 4:30am in mid-June in Portsmouth), the baby had been cleaned up, weighed and measured, examined, swaddled, and returned to his parents. Rachel had also gotten cleaned up and changed into comfortable pajama pants and a tank top. She and Tom cuddled together on her hospital bed with her legs draped over his and his arm around her waist. Their son was cradled between them as he nursed for the first time.

"He looks just like you," Tom whispered as he watched the baby.

"You think so?"

He nodded. "Your nose, hair, eyes - "

"His eyes are all yours," she countered.

"Color, maybe, but the shape… He definitely lucked out in the looks department."

Rachel chuckled. "You're not exactly a bagger, my love." She smiled down at her son as he slowly drifted off to sleep, trying to memorize every little thing about him. "He's everything I imagined."

Tom smiled at the sheer wonder on her face. "I know. I feel like the luckiest guy on earth. I'm so glad to be here."

"Do I get to hear the story of how that happened?" Rachel asked.

Tom sighed. "We lost the Seahawk."

Rachel looked up in surprise and confusion. "What?"

"Only one witness from the deck survived, but apparently the tail rotor tore apart just after takeoff. They lost control and came back down on the ship."

Her mouth fell open. "Oh, God."

"Yeah… I guess it could have been worse if they hadn't continued spinning and gone overboard. But even still, the helo bays and flight deck got cut up by the rotors, and the Seahawk leaked fuel all over, which caught fire… It was hell." He could too-easily recall the dread of seeing acrid black smoke pouring from his own vessel. A normal morning had turned into a nightmare in an instant. "I'm not sure how we managed to stay afloat."

Rachel looked down at his bandaged hand. "Was this a burn?"

He nodded. "Was trying to help find people near the helo bay. I wasn't thinking about the heat and grabbed some metal debris…" She winced sympathetically. "It didn't matter anyway. We were too late."

Rachel gently threaded their fingers together. "How many lost?"

He couldn't look at her. "Twenty-seven." Rachel knew each would haunt him. There was no blame, but they had been his people, his responsibility.

"I'm sorry, my love."

Tom scrubbed his other hand over his face. "Yeah… The _James_ is a mess. I thought there was a legitimate risk of being stuck in Brazil indefinitely if we went back to Belèm." They'd been north of their forward operating base, near Venezuela and the Leeward Antilles, and he'd been faced with a hard choice about which direction to go in. A short trip south that they'd almost certainly survive to a foreign country where supplies were very limited? Or a longer journey full of uncertainty back to a functional American shipyard? "Since the engines were still working, I made the call to try for Portsmouth. Luckily, we made it."

Rachel doubted that it had all been luck; they had a very experienced and dedicated crew with an exceptional leader. "I'm very glad you did. I was so scared when I heard you'd all disappeared."

Tom gently kissed her. They'd had no warning before the incident, or of course they would have let someone know what had happened. It was out of his control, but he still felt bad for frightening her. He was fully aware of the fact that their son had been born early and had a feeling stress was the reason why. Thank God the baby was healthy. "I'm sorry. That's the last thing I ever wanted."

"I know," she replied with a little grin. "And you made a quite memorable entrance to make up for it."

Damn, he'd missed that smile. "If it helps my case, I have a feeling I'm going to be around for a while."

"Really?"

Tom nodded. "The ship is going to need a lot of work. After that... I don't know what's going to happen. The admiral has dropped a few not-so-subtle hints about the quantity of material resources we need compared to the nuclear subs. Fuel is getting harder to come by around here."

"So what would that mean for the ship?"

"Not sure yet. But the _James_ needs to be seaworthy again before we really worry about it."

Rachel took a breath. They could tackle whatever came their way. They'd been through so much already. And she wouldn't complain about having her husband home more. "Okay. You're fetching him for 3am feedings, then."

Tom smiled. "I think I can manage that." He ran a gentle hand over the baby's little head. "I can't believe he's here."

"Me either," Rachel softly agreed. "He needs a name," she pointed out.

"Well, you had the hard job," Tom replied with a grin. He was still amazed by her strength. "What were you thinking of?"

She smiled. "I'm still partial to Thomas - "

"No," he instantly cut her off.

Rachel laughed lightly. "I thought you'd say that. What about Nathan?"

Tom groaned. "Naming him after the ship was supposed to be a joke, babe."

Rachel smiled. "Before you say no, do you know what it means?"

"No idea."

"Given. A gift."

"Really?"

Rachel nodded as she ran a finger over her sleeping son's soft cheek. "And he is."

Tom smiled, holding both of them closer. "Yeah, he definitely is."

"And so was the ship," she continued. "It saved us all - "

"YOU saved us all," Tom countered.

"We never would have made it far enough for that without the _James_ ," Rachel pointed out. "We'd never have been together without it. And it brought you home."

Tom's smile grew; he knew that she was right. "Nathan Chandler, huh?"

She nodded. It felt right. "Nathan Chandler."

* * *

Rachel fell asleep shortly after that, exhausted. Tom took his son, who was still sleeping, and stood by the window, watching morning arrive across the base. It was starting to really sink in that he was home. Safe. The mission was over - at least for the moment - and he'd gotten the best possible welcome home gift.

"This is a very interesting world you've just entered," he whispered to his son. "If anybody ever makes you wonder why your mom and I wanted you, despite everything that was going on, I hope you'll know how tremendously loved you are, and how deeply we believe you'll continue our goal of making this world better. Just by being here, you've made our lives - our family - better."

Around 7:30AM, there was a knock on the door before it cracked open. Tom turned around to see Ashley and Sam poke their heads in the room. They were wearing the t-shirts that they'd gotten for Christmas as a way of announcing Rachel's pregnancy. Both of them looked terribly excited, but then they stopped in their tracks, completely stunned, when they saw their father.

"Dad!"

"You're home!"

"Shh," he tried to tell them. "Mom's sleeping."

"Not anymore," Rachel pointed out as she sat up.

The kids at least looked contrite. "Sorry," Ashley apologized.

Tom handed Nathan to his mother, then caught both of his older children in a hug at once. "How'd you get here?" Sam asked.

"Magic… and gas turbines," he teasingly replied. "The ship got back late last night."

"Are you okay?" Ashley wondered.

"I'm fine," Tom assured her, noticing that there were tears in her eyes. Whether they were from fresh relief, old fears, or a little of both, he wasn't sure. "I'm okay, sweetheart. Just a couple little bumps."

Ashley wiped her face, trying to be brave. "We missed you," she told him.

Tom pulled both children into another hug. "I missed you guys, too. You've changed so much! You look great."

They beamed proudly. "Thank you."

Tom's eyes met Rachel's; she was watching the three of them together with a smile. Having their whole family back together again was a dream come true for both of them. Especially since that family had just expanded. "You guys ready to meet your little brother?" he asked Ashley and Sam.

They both quickly turned around, as though they had just now remembered what they'd originally come for. "Yeah!"

The siblings stood by Rachel's bed and carefully studied the baby. They reached gentle fingers to touch their brother's hands, face, and silky hair. Nathan didn't stir at all. "He's so adorable," Ashley declared. "He's so tiny!"

Rachel laughed. "He didn't feel very tiny last night." Despite being three weeks early, the newest member of the Chandler family had tipped the scales at just over seven pounds (or nearly three and a quarter kilos).

"What's his name?" Sam wondered.

"We decided that we're going to call him Nathan," Tom replied.

Ashley giggled. "Like the ship?"

"Yeah, like the ship. What do you think?"

She shrugged. "I like it. We can call him Nate for short."

Sam took his little brother's hand, watching him carefully. "Hi, Nathan," he whispered. "I'm glad you're here. We've been waiting forever, ever since Christmas."

Tom laughed and ruffled his hair. "Six and a half months is not forever, bud."

"It is to me!"

There was another knock on the door, and this time Jed looked in. He seemed just as surprised as his grandchildren to see his son in the room. "When did you get back?"

"Last night. By the time we had the lines tied, I was already hearing rumors that my wife was at the medical center, so I came straight here."

Jed chuckled as he came closer to get a look at his new grandson. "Bet you never thought you'd be grateful for base scuttlebutt."

Tom smiled. "Yeah, seriously. Thankfully, I made it in time for the kernel's grand entrance."

"He has a real name, now," Ashley pointed out to her father, rolling her eyes.

He laughed. "True, but I think the nickname has stuck."

Rachel adjusted her hold on her son so Jed could see him better. "A beautiful boy," he told her. "Just like his mother."

Her smile widened. "Thank you. We named him Nathan."

"Yes, like the ship," Tom chimed in before his father could ask.

Jed chuckled. "I see. Do you two want your bag now?" he asked Ashley and Sam.

"Bag?" Tom wondered.

Ashley nodded as she took the large paper bag from her grandfather. "We brought presents for Nate," she told her parents.

The first thing she pulled out and handed over was folded up fabric - a small quilt. "This looks like your handiwork, Ash." Tom told her.

She smiled. "I'm not very good at sewing, so it's not very big. But I thought he should have a blanket like ours. The different pieces came from things from each of us. See, those were Sammy's jeans," she pointed to two squares. When he'd fallen off his bike in the spring, he'd really ripped up one leg. Rachel had cut the bottoms off to turn them into shorts, and Ashley had collected the extra material. "And this is from my old pajamas," a yellow square from a shirt that had gotten too small, "And this was one of daddy's t-shirts," a gray piece of material with 'NAVY' printed on it.

"I don't think I was done with that shirt, monster," Tom pointed out. Ashley grinned sheepishly.

"It's beautiful," Rachel told her. "Thank you, luv. I'm sure he'll treasure it just like you love yours." She could imagine her son as a toddler, dragging the blanket around everywhere with him.

Sam pulled out the other object in the bag, a small rectangular picture frame with a photo of the older kids and their parents. "That's to go on the side of his cradle," Sam explained. "I heard that babies can't see good, so I wanted him to have a picture real close, so he'll know who his family is."

"That's very sweet, Sammy, thank you," Rachel told him.

"I decorated it." The simple wood frame had been colored in blue with baseballs and footballs drawn on. She could picture Sam teaching his brother how to throw and catch a ball in a few years.

"It's perfect."

"Can we hold him?" Ashley wondered.

"If you sit down and be gentle," Tom replied.

Ashley went first; she sat on the bed next to Rachel, who transferred little Nathan into her arms after giving a gentle warning about supporting his head. Ashley stared down at her sleeping brother in awe.

"Hi," she whispered. "I used to wish you were a girl, but I'm glad you're here anyway."

Tom chuckled. "Maybe next time," he told his daughter.

Rachel shot him a glare. "Bite your tongue." She wasn't completely ruling out the idea of another child, but it certainly wouldn't be anytime soon.

"My turn now?" Sam begged.

Tom took Nathan so that Ashley could get up, and Sam took her place. He had a look of absolute reverence on his face as he held his little brother for the first time. Nathan yawned and cracked his eyes open.

"He's looking at me!" Sam happily exclaimed.

Tom smiled as he knelt beside them. "He has to check out what his favorite playmate looks like."

"Hi, Nate," Sam whispered. "I love you."

"We'll see how long it takes before they're trying to kill each other," Jed softly commented to Rachel. She laughed, also certain that at least a couple wrestling matches lay ahead in their future.

"What are brothers for, hmm?"

"Or family in general," Tom chimed in. He knew from his own childhood that sometimes they'd drive each other crazy, but when they really needed it, they'd have each other's backs.

"When does Nathan come home?" Ashley wondered.

"Hopefully this afternoon," Rachel replied as she took the baby back from his big brother. "They just want to make sure we're both doing okay."

"And Dad gets to come home, too?" Sam wondered.

"Sure do," Tom replied. "That okay with you?" Returning after deployment was always an adjustment for everyone. He hated to think that his son's answer might be no, but if it was, they needed to deal with it.

However, Sam nodded vigorously. "Yep."

Ashley smiled. "We all get to be a family again," she pointed out.

Tom wrapped an arm around her shoulders. It had taken a lot of work, with a few missteps along the way, but he and Rachel built a wonderful family together. "Sounds perfect to me," he agreed with a smile.

 _When the lights have faded to black_  
 _Only stars are guiding me back_  
 _I'll keep running to the place where I belong_  
 _When you think you're on your own_  
 _I'm still coming home_  
 _When you think you're all alone_  
 _I'm still coming home_

* * *

 **FIN.**

 **A/N:** **The epilogue will be coming later today (think of it as that little teaser after the credits that sets up the next movie in a series) but I wanted to make sure I got my thank yous out. This is by far the biggest writing project I've ever undertaken; it became about 10 chapters longer than originally planned thanks to feedback and ideas from readers, so thank you very much for all of your support. I am kicking around the idea of writing a third story for this series instead of doing a S2 finale fic, so hopefully I'll be posting again sometime soon. As always, suggestions are welcome.**

 **Song Credit: "Running" by James Bay**


	37. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

By mid-afternoon, Emma and the medical center's pediatrician were still very happy with how Rachel and Nathan were doing, so they were allowed to go home. Tom had stayed with them all day and drove them back to the house, where Ashley, Sam and Jed were eagerly awaiting them. However, by then he knew he needed to give some attention to the responsibilities that made up the other half of his life.

When Tom arrived at Admiral Williams' office, his yeoman showed him right in. "I hear congratulations are in order," the older man told him.

He smiled. "Yes, Sir, thank you."

"He's healthy? And Dr. Scott is doing well?"

"Yes, Sir, they're very well. Got two very happy older siblings, too."

Williams smiled. "Excellent. I won't keep you from them for too long. I went over this morning and saw your ship… she's going to need quite a bit of work, Commander."

Tom nodded. "I know, Sir."

"I'm starting an investigation into what happened with the Seahawk. My aim is not punitive, but if there's something we can learn to make sure this doesn't happen again, I want to find it. We don't have enough people to lose even one to an accident."

Tom nodded once; he wholeheartedly agreed. Losing sailors to the enemy was bad. This was far worse. "We'll cooperate however you need."

"Glad to hear it. In the meantime, we'll take care of any parts requests from your engineering department for repairs. I know you've all been through a lot, but it looks like they're going to be busy for a while."

"We've got no problem with hard work, Sir"

The admiral smiled. "Of course. And hopefully they can get some R&R when you get to Florida."

Tom raised an eyebrow. "Florida?"

"I was going to discuss it with you this past week. Once you were finished in South America - which I thought wasn't going to be until the fall - I wanted you to head for Key West. The base there is getting spread pretty thin and could use another vessel. I thought the _James_ would be a good fit, and it would put you close to the refinery they're trying to bring back online in Alabama."

It appeared Tom's fears about the ship being restricted were unfounded. "We'll help however we can," he promised.

"Good. I'll keep Admiral Richards apprised of the James' status during repairs. And I'm sure someone from her command can help with the logistics of moving your families down there."

Tom nodded. "Thank you, Sir." He could imagine the conversation that he was about to have with his wife when he got home. Heading to Florida would be a big change, but most likely a good one. The kids would love living on the water and the dynamic city would give them better opportunities for their futures. Their lab was thriving; Rachel would be able to continue her research on new ways to deliver the cure to remote areas.

A new adventure awaited them, on top of all the other new things they had to look forward to with their family. As Tom left the admiral's office and headed home, he had just one thought: _At least life won't be boring_.


End file.
